Falling into despair praying for someone

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brokenplates1

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For over a year now, I’ve been praying for a friend of mine who has long battled emotional problems, anxiety and depression.

She is quick to anger and regularly pushes people out of her life. She blames everyone else for her unhappiness, but swings between sweet and pleasant, to angry and hostile.

I was her last remaining friend in the whole world from her old life, but I feel she doesn’t understand how much I care about her.

Her family was emotionally and physically abusive, so they aren’t there for her support.

She also left the Church a long time ago.

She goes into long, unrelated rants and I will tell her I don’t want to fight and argue and that I do care for her. But she’ll keep saying that she doesn’t want me in her life and I never cared.

After a few days - the longest period was two weeks - she calls me and apologizes. It happens at least once a month.

Emotionally and mentally, it’s very draining. I just don’t have it in me to be her councillor. I’m not fun anymore either, because I feel like I have to walk on egg shells around her. I have known her for five years, but the last two years have been an emotional nightmare.

To make matters worse, I live on the other side of the country. We had a massive falling out last January '12 and she shut me out of her life until contacting me in July to apologize.

I had accepted a job in the new town, but I forgave her. This may sound cruel, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have.

Recently, I lost my temper and asked her to stop complaining and take charge of her life.

She had her apartment sprayed for bugs 10 days ago and complains about her fear of finding a bug constantly. For awhile, she was too scared to open the drawers for fear of finding a bug. She’s never been that scared, showing how difficult her anxiety has become.

I told her the complaining was taking a toll on me and she has to become more assertive and seek councelling, and she lost it. She says I hurt her and was emotionally abusive, that I am controlling and selfish because I told her how I felt.

She has started hanging out with a new crowd, where she is beginning to turn to sex and alcohol to numb her emotional pain, something she did years ago before I met her.

I am at my wits end. I pray and pray and pray to the point of tears, but I am just feeling so hopeless, that my prayers do nothing. I’m tempted to just stop praying for her all together. Now, I am also praying that I don’t lose my own faith.

I just want her to get it together and find some happiness, to let her know that people care about her, for her to feel that no one is out to get her.

She has no one in her life praying for her and hasn’t prayed in years. She left the Church about 2 years ago. I keep praying, and I know she is a good person at heart. I’ve seen that side of her.

But I haven’t seen that person in awhile. It’s getting harder to be there for her and to forgive her. Despite my prayers, I’m feeling like I am about to give up and slip into despair.
 
I know what it’s like to feel like prayer is hopeless, but remember St Monica prayed for her son for over 30 years, and you see how eventually the grace of God pulled through 🙂 Perhaps that Grace wouldn’t have been there but for her prayers. Even the most stubborn and miserable hearts can eventually open up to grace, if they but let God in. I’ll pray for your friend, and for you.

:signofcross: “Ave Maria…”
 
Perhaps you can continue to pray for her from a distance, but do not allow her to contact you since she is obviously upsetting you very much, and accusing you of being controlling when you are trying to help.
 
Depression and anxiety can be extremely disabling, hope she finds counseling. I will pray for her and you both. Stay strong, that good person you know is still in there.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

For Help in Trials

Most holy apostle St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of His enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many. But the Church honors and invokes you universally as the patron of hopeless cases–of things despaired of. Pray for me who feels so hopeless. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege accorded to you of bringing visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. Come to my assistance in this great need, that I may receive the consolations and succor of heaven in all my necessities, tribulations and sufferings, in particular (brokenplates1), and that I may bless God with you and all the elect throughout eternity. I promise you, O Blessed St. Jude, to be ever mindful of this great favor, and I will never cease to honor you as my special and powerful patron, and to do all in my power to encourage devotion to you. Amen.
 
For brokeplates1’s friend, that the Lord may comfort her and restore her faith:

Hail, Mary! Full of grace, The Lord is with thee; Blessed art thou among women, And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners, Now, and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Hail, Holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness, and our hope. To you do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To you do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn, then, most gracious advocate, your eyes of mercy toward us, and after this, our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of your womb, Jesus. O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary.
Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.

:signofcross:

God bless.
 
Dorothy said:
Perhaps you can continue to pray for her from a distance, but do not allow her to contact you since she is obviously upsetting you very much, and accusing you of being controlling when you are trying to help.
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I had a similar experience with a friend who tended to push people away with her rather severe issues. There was never any ability to help her or get through to her even in the slightest.
For her, it was men, not bugs, that set her off, even though there was zero reasoning for this.
I finally had to let go and pray from a distance.

She has since calmed down, married, and even had a child. She is doing well, I believe, with medication.
Our distance now is more of a ‘normal’ parting of childhood friends.
I pray she continues to do well.

With prayers for your friend and you.
May God bless you both.

:gopray:

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Your Name
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom
and the Power
and the Glory for ever and ever.
Amen.

Ave Maria, gratia plena,
Dominus tecum,
benedicta tu in mulieribus,
et benedictus fructus ventris tui Iesus.
Sancta Maria mater Dei,
ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.
Amen

:gopray:
 
Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Pray that God will have mercy on her, even if He doesn’t bring her healing and repentence.

NEVER give up!
 
Virgin Mother, who are the lover and caregiver of the whole world, intercede for us and save us from all despair. Amen. :signofcross:
 
:gopray:

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Your Name
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom
and the Power
and the Glory for ever and ever.
Amen.

Ave Maria, gratia plena,
Dominus tecum,
benedicta tu in mulieribus,
et benedictus fructus ventris tui Iesus.
Sancta Maria mater Dei,
ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae.
Amen

:gopray:
 
It’s easier to pray for someone who’s upsetting you when you don’t have to interact with her often. I know someone who is similar to your friend: she also turned to sex and alcohol after swearing to never do that again, and she abandoned her Catholic faith for Wiccan. She also projected her anxiety and severe coping problems onto me, insisting I had anxiety, even though professional counselors (and my grades in school) said I didn’t have any abnormal mental/emotional condition. Interacting with her was indeed like walking on eggshells, and she helped push me into dark places. If she’s taking a toll on you, you don’t have to tolerate it, and from my small personal experience I’d advise that you don’t. You can help her best by praying for her while you’re in a good place, even if that place is far away from her. You can’t do anything else for someone with her conditions until she starts treatment. As you said to her, she needs to take control and get professional help. Prayers will help send her the graces she needs to be open to the idea (of course, she still has free will and can choose to continue the way she is, so it’s not a guarantee, but sometimes God surprises you).

Also, it’s important to note that forgiveness and reconciliation (reconnecting the relationship) are not the same thing. I’d take a look into that. The Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes and Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend are good resources that might help you.

I’ll be praying to St. Raphael for you and your friend! God bless you for being such a hardworking friend.
 
Two ways to save a drowning person:
  1. Swim out to them, grab onto them, and swim back to shore. However, if the drowning person fights you, or latches on too tightly and only drags you down, you may end up pushed under water and drown yourself. That does neither one of you any good.
  2. Stand safely on shore and toss the drowning person a lifeline. Up to the drowning person to accept the offered lifeline. If the lifeline is accepted, two lives are saved. If the lifeline is not accepted … you did your best, and you will live.
I would suggest that you stand on the shore and pray. Love this person … from a good safe distance.

May God bless you.

Praying for you from today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Psalm-prayer

Lord, you established peace within the borders of Jerusalem. Give the fullness of peace now to your faithful people. May peace rule us in this life and possess us in eternal life. You are about to fill us with the best of wheat: grant that what we see dimly now as in a mirror, we may come to perceive clearly in the brightness of your truth.

Amen
 
the_phoenix said:
…I would suggest that you stand on the shore and pray. Love this person … from a good safe distance…

Lord, you established peace within the borders of Jerusalem. Give the fullness of peace now to your faithful people. May peace rule us in this life and possess us in eternal life. You are about to fill us with the best of wheat: grant that what we see dimly now as in a mirror, we may come to perceive clearly in the brightness of your truth.

Amen
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Amen
 
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