Family Christmas Blues

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Need help deciding what to do about my 5 siblings who are not open to changing the way we celebrate Christmas. Want to cut down on the 5 hr. gift opening (seriously) at parents house on Christmas Day. Hub and I have talked about just not going over there on C. Day or going over much later in the day for dessert, but know that my fam. will see it as another way I am trying to be all “holier than thou.” B/t homeschooling, wearing all skirts (w/ no slits) and no TV - I think they pretty much agree we’ve gone off the deep end. Trying to instill in our 3 little ones at an EARLY age that C.mas in NOT about getting a mountain of presents!! HELP!
 
Join the club! Continue to make decisions that are right for your family (your husband, your children and yourself). Somehow, your witness, if given with Charity, will be sufficient.

CARose
 
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Mady:
Need help deciding what to do about my 5 siblings who are not open to changing the way we celebrate Christmas. Want to cut down on the 5 hr. gift opening (seriously) at parents house on Christmas Day. Hub and I have talked about just not going over there on C. Day or going over much later in the day for dessert, but know that my fam. will see it as another way I am trying to be all “holier than thou.” B/t homeschooling, wearing all skirts (w/ no slits) and no TV - I think they pretty much agree we’ve gone off the deep end. Trying to instill in our 3 little ones at an EARLY age that C.mas in NOT about getting a mountain of presents!! HELP!
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My mom used to go off the deep end with presents. She’s got a “sickness”.🙂 I finally asked that she limit her presents to 5 per child. I didn’t limit her spending ( I couldn’t make it to hard on her), just the quantity. I also hinted at more traditional toys instead of the fads. This year so far she has bought 11 gifts per child, BUT she says she is finished. At least it’s down from 25.🙂

We have a huge extended family and they go crazy with gifts. I cannot afford, nor do I want to have the stress of having to buy for 70 plus people. I instead make a basket “per family” which I think is more appropriate anyway for extended family members (and more affordable). Pretzal sticks with chocolate drizzled over it, breads, jarred goods.

I know you didn’t ask for gift ideas, but I am determined to lead by example. We can’t force anyone to do anything, but we can encourage and lead the way!

You can instill an appreciation and understanding of Christmas in your little ones by celebrating Advent and doing things on your end BEFORE Christmas day.

BTW, in myexperience I have found that if people felt I was acting holier than thou (even if I felt I wasn’t), it was usually because I was.:o Humility! Humility! Humility!
 
Ana, you have some excellent suggestions. Our family has finally stopped the madness. And we weren’t as “nuts” as some families. Last year we only gave one another gifts that we made.

Leading by example is a wonderful idea. The simple home-made gifts are a good way to do that. I don’t know how old your kids are but it’s not to early to start giving gifts they make (and you help them make). Cookies, pictures, photo albums, decorated picture frames, even a big shiny rock as a paperweight.

Sometime after the holidays, go through the toys and have each child choose 3 or 5 or whatever number you think appropriate to donate. They will likely choose the fad, gadget toys that are set aside after only a few days or weeks. Clean them up and talk about children who don’t have as many gifts and pray for those who will receive the gifts. This could be a St. Valentine’s Day activity. Maybe the YMCA daycare or your doctors office could use new toys. If you donate them to St. Vincent de Paul or Goodwill you could send each child a thank you note from the grateful child who received the toy.

What ever you do, make sure your children acknowledge each and every gift from each family member by saying thank you personally and (if old enough) sending a thank you note afterwards, listing each gift by name.

I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t control what gifts other people give us. Remember that some people see gift-giving as equal to love. My mother-in-law is one of those people. Be patient and gracious.
 
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Mady:
Need help deciding what to do about my 5 siblings who are not open to changing the way we celebrate Christmas. Want to cut down on the 5 hr. gift opening (seriously) at parents house on Christmas Day. Hub and I have talked about just not going over there on C. Day or going over much later in the day for dessert, but know that my fam. will see it as another way I am trying to be all “holier than thou.” B/t homeschooling, wearing all skirts (w/ no slits) and no TV - I think they pretty much agree we’ve gone off the deep end. Trying to instill in our 3 little ones at an EARLY age that C.mas in NOT about getting a mountain of presents!! HELP!
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you guys have to do it your way, and thats ok… once our family broke with the big family tradition, it fizzeled within the next 2 years. Be careful what you wish for… you may get it… :twocents:
 
My father-in-law’s family has a nice solution to this. Instead of bringing piles of gifts for everyone, a few weeks before Christmas everyone’s name is tossed into a hat and we each draw out one name- then we each buy a gift (nothing huge or fancy) for the person we have drawn. It gives everyone something to open without making materialism the emphasis. It allows us to have more time at the dinner table and socializing with the family.

Oh, and I agree with Space Ghost. Once the get-together tradition is interrupted, it is often difficult to start it back up. My mom’s family always did a big Christmas dinner up until a couple of years ago. In 2002 my grandmother had a stroke right before Christmas, so it was canceled. In 2003 her health was uncertain, so the party wasn’t even planned. We lost Grandma last May, and I would have thought the family would want to gather in her memory, at least (she loved the parties). No such luck. 😦
 
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SeekerJen:
My father-in-law’s family has a nice solution to this. Instead of bringing piles of gifts for everyone, a few weeks before Christmas everyone’s name is tossed into a hat and we each draw out one name- then we each buy a gift (nothing huge or fancy) for the person we have drawn. It gives everyone something to open without making materialism the emphasis. It allows us to have more time at the dinner table and socializing with the family
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That is a nice idea, but if I remember right from another thread, her mother and siblings are not open to this option.
 
At a local hospital, they had an adopt a family for Christmas Tree. With ages of children and size of family on a card. Some agencies such as Catholic Charities would love to have you adopt a family. The attention then diverts from your own family to the family you have adopted.

May God bless you,
Deacon Tony SFO
 
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