Family conflict - seeking advice

  • Thread starter Thread starter Greeneeyes
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
G

Greeneeyes

Guest
My mother-in-law is really irritating me. I find myself silently judging and irritated by most of the things she says and does. I hate this because it’s sin. It’s failing to live out God commandment to love thy neighbor (and this is a close family member who I see EVERY DAY!). Plus, she’s a Catholic who sees me minister in church.
What should I do? How will I get over this? How should I pray?
Loving suggestions welcome!
 
Try to find the root of your disdain.
Pray to be less judgmental towards everyone.
Some day (and maybe you already are) you might be a mil. Try to be the type of dil you would want.
Hope that is loving, I usually go for honest 🙂
 
It is hard to offer advice if we do not know how she is irritating you. Some people irritate us by the things they say to us, or how they may be judging us. But other times, they irritate us because we disagree with them, and the way they perceive us. Whether it is fair or not, it affects how we interact.

Do you know why you find her so irritating?
 
It’s a good exercise to identify specific behaviors rather than just making huge general criticisms, so thank you for your question.
In particular, there are two things she does that bug me. They happen frequently.
  1. Corrects me: it seems like a huge percentage of the things I says she criticizes or contradicts, looking to my wife to back her up. My wife doesn’t comply, but she doesn’t tell her to stop either. Many times, I am objectively incorrect in something I’ve said, but that’s just the way casual conversation works! As a result, I want to say little or nothing to her.
  2. Holds grudges and keeps score: she will bring up past wrongs, some commuted by me, some by others, when she is angry, and their tinyness is terrifying that she remembers and has let them fester. I ask for her forgiveness (which she gives sometimes) but I feel that she may just verbally forgive instead of actually forgiving. By the way, these aren’t traumatic things that have wronged her, they’re usually just accidents or fights that she doesn’t forget.
    Please, please give advice! I want this to be 100% resolved!
    I see this woman everyday for multiple hours a day. I can’t always explain why I’m bugged by her. I pray and desperately want to overcome this, but I get on guard when I see and interact with her.
 
It seems to me that your wife is a part of the first part. By saying nothing to her mom and staying out of it, she is taking her mom’s side without saying a word. I think this is a discussion you need to have with her. She needs to back you up when you are right by telling her mom to stop. What she is doing is unfair, and honestly, a bit cowardly. Perhaps she is afraid of her mom, and is unwilling to speak on your behalf. But that’s not fair to you.

As far as the second part, maybe you need to call it to her attention that she holds on to things from the past unfairly. If you have apologized, she cannot keep throwing it in your face and using it against you.

“I know you were upset by that, but I apologized for it and it is unfair of you to keep holding onto it. I would appreciate it if you would just stick to what we are discussing right now.”

And as for you, you need to offer up your annoyance at your mother in law. And work on letting things roll off your back. Tell her you are “sorry she feels that way,” and say nothing more. Repeat as necessary through the conversation.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top