Family Dispute

[ooeeoo]

Last Friday,my brother Dennis entered the Hospital.Connie,his wife requested that no Family members can visit. This request troubled me because I love all my family members.My Sister in Law (Zeny) keeps me informed daily of his condition.Dennis had surgery on tuesday evening and Zeny told me it was successful.Since last Friday,I honored Connie’s request.I just don’t understand why all family members be barred from visiting. I am troubled by this,and need some advice.One thing for sure is when Dennis is feeling well, I will make it clear that all my family members are welcome to visit me if I am Hospitalized.Any comments?? James

 

[shannin]

Everyone is different. Personally, when I’m sick I don’t want to see anyone - others want all the visitors they can get.

You should pray for your brother’s recovery and honor his spouse’s request.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

I agree. Everyone is different and if they don’t want visitors, then it would be inconciderate of you to visit. You can still send flowers or cards and call to see if they need anything though.

 

[asquared]

ooeeoo:

Last Friday,my brother Dennis entered the Hospital.Connie,his wife requested that no Family members can visit. This request troubled me because I love all my family members. . . …Since last Friday,I honored Connie’s request.I just don’t understand why all family members be barred from visiting.

why should this trouble you? if you love your family surely you honor their wishes, especially when they are ill. Your brother and his wife know his condition and what he needs to recover, and if they have determined, probably with the doctor’s advice, that no visitors would be the best policy, why should this cause you concern?

 

[catsrus]

12/04, DH had a heart “incident” that landed him in the hospital.
His entire family came to the hospital and caused a horrendous and embarrassing ruckus by yelling at the nurses and doctors and threatening to sue everyone for perceived neglect of DH. DH was so upset that he discharged himself against doctor’s advice and we went home.
After that day, I decided that, heaven forbid, DH goes to the hospital again, NONE of these people will get in. NONE of them.
Not saying of course that your family is anything at all like this bunch, but that your SIL probably has her own reasons.
Ask her.

 

[CatholicSam]

Sometimes people will make generalized statements such as “No visitors, please–not even family,” to avoid one or two troublemakers. They think saying it this way will avoid anyone’s feelings getting hurt since they’re not singling anyone out. Who knows why they didn’t want visitors? Maybe it’s just that they didn’t want to inconvenience anyone? Take catsrus’s advice and ask them

 

[Island_Oak]

Does your family ordinarily enjoy a good, open relationship with your brother and his wife or is there some tension between some family members? If things are ordinarily friendly and welcoming–I would give them the space they have asked for and not conduct an interrogation as to their reasons. As others have suggested there may be a valid reason for the exclusion (of some family) and they may be trying to be discreet and not want broadcast it to everyone who is understandably concerned about your brother’s health.

I’m not sure how old you are–forgive me if you are an adult struggling with this. If you are still at home or younger than your brother and his wife, I would encourage you to defer to your SIL and support/help in any way you can while maintaining respect for their decisions. She is undoubtedly under a lot of stress and worried about her husband’s health. She may even be overeacting by excluding everyone. When the “crisis” has passed you could bring up any concerns you may still have with your brother and avoid any misconception that you are criticizing or second guessing her decisions in the moment.

 

[Rob_s_Wife]

12/04, DH had a heart “incident” that landed him in the hospital.
His entire family came to the hospital and caused a horrendous and embarrassing ruckus by yelling at the nurses and doctors and threatening to sue everyone for perceived neglect of DH. DH was so upset that he discharged himself against doctor’s advice and we went home.
After that day, I decided that, heaven forbid, DH goes to the hospital again, NONE of these people will get in. NONE of them.
Not saying of course that your family is anything at all like this bunch, but that your SIL probably has her own reasons.
Ask her.

:yup: ** My dh and I have this rule because of his parents. They are NOT helpfull and they won’t shut up and get mad if we don’t agree with them and they don’t know when to get out for “private moments”. They do not share out views on major medical ethics issues or faith issues and they do not treat their son as an adult. They also interfer with our babysitting plans if they find out. **

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**We no longer call them until everything is over and we’re all home again. Last time, we called to let them know about the newest baby arrival. 15 mintues later I get a tearfull call from a very good friend on one phone and dh gets a furious call from mil on the other phone. It seems my mil called the house to inform the sitter that she was comming by to pick up the kids and we wouldn’t need her anymore. Well, we had made plans for the kids (they had soccer, Mass, and such and the sitter was going to take them to all that and help dh at home.) The sitter had said she didn’t feel comfortable with that as she hadn’t heard that’s what we wanted done. This was all news to us! Mil never said anything to us about it! This was not some teen kid. This was a woman with 3 of her own children, who our kids are great friends with. My mil hit the roof and so did we. Told the sitter to just load the kids up and go to her house until dh could come help out. Told mil we’d appreciate it she didn’t try to kidnap our kids in the future and ask us before making plans for our family. **

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**I tell you, people say raising kids can make people saints, but I think it’s dealing with the grandparents that does it. **

 

[stayathomemom]

:yup: ** **

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**I tell you, people say raising kids can make people saints, but I think it’s dealing with the grandparents that does it. **

AMEN, SISTER!!!

 

[SMHW]

I don’t know if the SIL is over-reacting or not. And as others have mentioned, there could be a problem with certain family members and she doesn’t want to single anyone out.

Another issue may be that the patient, the brother, may not be the best judge of his own need for rest and quiet. This may be especially true if this is a big noisy family.