Family Issues Happening

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Nerakprz

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Hi all, I could really use everyone’s prayers. Both sides of our families have caused us conflict as we get closer to our wedding date. Long story short, my family did not want to meet my fiance when we first started dating and so we spent alot of time with his family. Now, my family invites us to do things with them but now my fiancee’s family is getting upset that we don’t spend “enough” time with them. I am currently in conflict with his mom as she does not like me and has been fairly rude to me. Honestly, i just want an apology from her but i know i wont be getting one. We are both very hurt with our families behaviors and as christmas comes around the corner, neither of us really want to spend Christmas with each others families. Any advice?
 
Sorry you are going through this, especially at Christmas.
Nerakprz said:
Now, my family invites us to do things with them but now my fiancee’s family is getting upset that we don’t spend “enough” time with them.
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If you are going to be a married couple, adulting needs to happen. You need to take a united stand, spend time where you can, want and should and not let this become a conflict. Simply refuse to entertain the idea of “not enough.”
Nerakprz said:
I am currently in conflict with his mom as she does not like me and has been fairly rude to me. Honestly, i just want an apology from her but i know i wont be getting one.
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If she doesn’t like you, that’s on her. Don’t expect or demand an apology, rise above it.
Nerakprz said:
neither of us really want to spend Christmas with each others families.
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Some day you may need those families and more important, want them around and they won’t be there, either because they felt pushed away or unfortunately through their passing. You don’t get do overs, not for Christmas nor for life. Think hard before you act on this one.

And a Merry Christmas (if you make it so)!
 
Totally agree with @dollysro - you need to make a united stand together. Sit down together and come up with a few strategies that you can use when your families get upset, and stick to them. Their upset does not necessarily have to equal your capitulation. Be bright, be breezy, be firm.

Do be careful around Christmas, it can be a difficult time of year for many reasons. Perhaps you can cut down on how much you see them due to Covid-19. Perhaps spend time with them, but discuss what you’re going to do if either side gets upset you’re not spending enough time with them, or if rude comments are made. Keep your boundaries strong, you’ll be better off for it.
 
Thank you so much for your response! I greatly appreciate it. But yes, you are right, family will always be there forever, and thats one thing i dont want is to not have them when i want/need them. We are working on trying to be the better person, its been hard but ive seen progress, which is good
 
Thank you for your comment! That’s one thing my fiancee always reminds me of. To be bright, breezy and firm. When i go over to their family, she barely acknowledges me, he wants me to be made known and be that bright. Sometimes it hard because she really tackles me down and just drains me overall.
 
I’ve never been married nor anything like that but I’ll try to do my best according to what I’ve seen in movies.

I guess you can invite both families over to your home for dinner. Or, if you are living separately, I guess you can get yourselves a reservation at a restaurant or something like that, and you speak with them what has been going on. Tell them that they are important to you and that you don’t want to fight over who spends more time with whom, and that you can agree on one day where you get to see each other to share, idk, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New years, or a completely different day to start a new family tradition. I hope this is helpful.
 
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