Family member who is gay

[LisaAnnC]

I am new at this, so I hope I am following all the rules. Anyway, my hubby put something on facebook about homosexuality, saying that it was a sin, and why our gays pushing for marriage. nothing specific about anyone, just a general statement. Anyway, my daugher then comes home one day and says that my niece called her and is very upset with what her dad put on facebook (her brother, my nephew is openly gay) and that my husband needs to stop “spewing ****” because it has caused other family members to want nothing to do with him. My poor daughter felt terrible, caught in the middle. I was furious with my niece, because I am thinking “who are you to say what can go on facebook and what can’t” anyway, I emailed my niece and basically said "who made you the voice of the family, you put stuff on face book against the Catholic Church (she had made a comment when the Bishops were trying to reverse the Obama Care descision about allowing Catholic Hospitals to offer birth control to its employees), anyway I said you seem to thinks its ok to “spew ****” about the Church, who are you to say anything and why call my daughter and say something to her, either unfriend your uncle or call him direct. My niece doesn’t live in the same city as me, but her parents (my brother and hiw wife) do and this has definately put a wedge in our relationship. And I feel like now, my hubby and I will feel like the outcast at family functions, because most in my family are more liberal than conservative, even though we were raised Catholic, out of my 6 siblings I am the only one still practicing. So, I just don’t know what to do, especially with the holidays coming. My niece will be in town for Christmas, and I really now have no desire to see her, and it makes me mad that she caused this. Why isn’t we have to be tolerant and respectful of the homosexual life style, but they don’t have to be respectful of our views and church? sorry if this is so long, it has really been bothering me

 

[Tietjen]

I am new at this, so I hope I am following all the rules. Anyway, my hubby put something on facebook about homosexuality, saying that it was a sin, and why our gays pushing for marriage. nothing specific about anyone, just a general statement. Anyway, my daugher then comes home one day and says that my niece called her and is very upset with what her dad put on facebook (her brother, my nephew is openly gay) and that my husband needs to stop “spewing ****” because it has caused other family members to want nothing to do with him. My poor daughter felt terrible, caught in the middle. I was furious with my niece, because I am thinking “who are you to say what can go on facebook and what can’t” anyway, I emailed my niece and basically said "who made you the voice of the family, you put stuff on face book against the Catholic Church (she had made a comment when the Bishops were trying to reverse the Obama Care descision about allowing Catholic Hospitals to offer birth control to its employees), anyway I said you seem to thinks its ok to “spew ****” about the Church, who are you to say anything and why call my daughter and say something to her, either unfriend your uncle or call him direct. My niece doesn’t live in the same city as me, but her parents (my brother and hiw wife) do and this has definately put a wedge in our relationship. And I feel like now, my hubby and I will feel like the outcast at family functions, because most in my family are more liberal than conservative, even though we were raised Catholic, out of my 6 siblings I am the only one still practicing. So, I just don’t know what to do, especially with the holidays coming. My niece will be in town for Christmas, and I really now have no desire to see her, and it makes me mad that she caused this. Why isn’t we have to be tolerant and respectful of the homosexual life style, but they don’t have to be respectful of our views and church? sorry if this is so long, it has really been bothering me

The only thing that I can offer is to say that I agree with you. I wish there was something more, but I’ve run into many many similar issues with “friends” and family over the years and have yet to overcome the issue. I’ll say a prayer for your family.

 

[LisaAnnC]

thank you for the prayers.

 

[Trishie]

LisaAnn, I am sad for the hurt and division in your family.

Your Dad posted as his conscience dictated, but when we do make a statement in line with faith but against the prevailing social trends, the results are predictable. As there is a family member who is openly homosexual, hurt feelings and divided loyalties originating in his family with his sister and parents were a likely outcome. It was courageous of your Dad to speak out but there can be no surprise regarding family reactions. People are very defensive of their children and of their brothers and sisters and can take what hurts them very seriously and personally. Your Dad in his good faith has criticized your sister’s son by default if not directly. Just as you are upset for your daughter so are they for their son and brother. People do sometimes overreact in such situations and more is said than should be, and counter-attack easily occurs, and in fact has done so.

I’m sad for the consequences in your family. I’m sad that Christian values are so neglected and contravened.

I feel for you all particularly as Thanksgiving Christmas approaches. One can’t apologize for stating according to conscience, but one can on both sides for hurt feelings.

I can only pray that God’s grace and peace will settle on your family soon.

 

[ChibiViolet]

Did he write that homosexuality is a sin or that *active homosexuality *is a sin? If he wrote the former than it’s false and the truth should be clarifed with your family members.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Ok, to start with I can’t believe that adults with families and children themselves get caught up in Facebook drama. But here goes.

When you have family on your Facebook (or anywhere really) you can either choose to say whatever comes to mind and deal with the consequences, or you can consider family relationships and show a little restraint. Why not just block that side of your family from seeing that one post? Of course it hurt your nephew’s feelings to read that, of course his sisters and parents are going to take his side, and really, who hasn’t kept their mouth shut in real life around family about something or another to prevent hurt feelings and a fight? Facebook is the same way.

 

[haedron]

Just my opinion, but I think people like your husband are making a huge mistake when they post things like that on facebook or any other social media site. For all intents and purposes, it’s a public forum where he is likely “friends” with many different types of people from all walks of life.

He’s certainly well within his rights to feel the way he does about homosexuality, but are you really surprised that someone took offense? I have to wonder about the motivations for posting such deliberately inflammatory types of things in the first place? Would he have made the same statement out loud to family members in person at - say - a birthday party, wedding, or other family event?

I apply the following basic rule to anything I put on facebook: “Would I say this to someone’s face?” When it comes to pictures or links, I think to myself “Would I have any problem with this picture being published in the newspaper and attributed to me?”.

In a more practical sense, most people don’t realize that it is becoming common practice for current and potential employers to screen applicants based on facebook, twitter and other social media sites. I’ve had job interviews where I was asked to share the content of my social media sites. I’ve also interviewed for jobs where deleting any active social media accounts was a prerequisite.

Bottom line is that kind of stuff lasts forever in the digital world. If you feel that strongly about something like homosexuality then by all means post away, but don’t be surprised if it causes strife in the future. If you can’t control yourself, then deleting your facebook account may not be a bad idea.

 

[RoseMary131]

I was furious with my niece, because I am thinking “who are you to say what can go on facebook and what can’t” anyway, I emailed my niece and basically said "who made you the voice of the family, you put stuff on face book against the Catholic Church (she had made a comment when the Bishops were trying to reverse the Obama Care descision about allowing Catholic Hospitals to offer birth control to its employees), anyway I said you seem to thinks its ok to “spew ****” about the Church, who are you to say anything and why call my daughter and say something to her, either unfriend your uncle or call him direct.

Sometimes how we respond has a lot to do with the results. If we respond while furious, we may forget charity.

My friend is so often trying to get everyone to vote pro-life. Speaking of a fellow parishioner she says, “I fought and fought with him”. Knowing her, I know when she speaks to others on voting pro-life she does “fight”. When we fight we cause the other person to first build a fortress around their ideas and then to defend it. They come out stronger in holding firm their views.

We change peoples hearts when we speak with them in love. She spends a lot of time “fighting” to “make” people change their voting ideas. I have never heard her tell me anyone ever changed their mind because of the names she called them to their face and the anger she used in her dialogue.

Homosexual activity is the same. In order to teach someone, we have to share with them in a non-threatening way. Your neice may have felt an attack on her brother. We can not help people understand that homosexual actions are wrong if we don’t first reach their hearts.

The neice may have called her cousin because she felt closer to the cousin than confronting someone older and calling her uncle.

My niece will be in town for Christmas, and I really now have no desire to see her, and it makes me mad that she caused this. Why isn’t we have to be tolerant and respectful of the homosexual life style, but they don’t have to be respectful of our views and church?

Did your neice really cause anything?

I said you seem to thinks its ok to “spew ****” about the Church, who are you to say anything

I think when you wrote to her in this manner, you showed a lack of respect to her. I would not expect your brother to be happy with your response to his daughter.

(I find it troubling that you used foul language and Church in the same sentence.)

In order to help your neice understand why homosexual activity is wrong, you needed to reach out to her with love - love for her, love for her brother. To begin the dialogue while furious, helps her build a stronger fortress around the idea that homosexual activity is acceptable. Your dialogue attack on your neice will make your brother’s fortress to protect both his son and daughter even stronger.

Please use this time to offer an e-mail apology for e-mailing your neice in such a strong way. Not an apology for standing firm in the Church teachings on sexuality, but an apology for the way you responded to your neice’s call to your daughter.

May you have a blessed holiday with all your family!:christmastree1:

 

[missmorgan389]

Prayerfully fast from social networking and you shouldn’t offend anyone or be offended in the process.

I think social networking is the wrong way to go about trying to share your point of view because it may come off a different way to one person than another. Instead, have a conversation with your niece instead.

 

[1ke]

You emailed your niece about something you heard second hand, which in turn was about something posted on Facebook?

Who is the adult here? I can’t seem to find one.

Adults talk to each other, in person or on the phone. They communicate. They don’t “Facebook”, they don’t “text”, and they don’t “email” when they have a situation that needs resolving.

I suggest that for family holidays you simply invoke the “no politics and no religio” rule and all be charitable to each other.

 

[EasterJoy]

I am new at this, so I hope I am following all the rules. Anyway, my hubby put something on facebook about homosexuality, saying that it was a sin, and why our gays pushing for marriage. nothing specific about anyone, just a general statement. Anyway, my daugher then comes home one day and says that my niece called her and is very upset with what her dad put on facebook (her brother, my nephew is openly gay) and that my husband needs to stop “spewing ****” because it has caused other family members to want nothing to do with him. My poor daughter felt terrible, caught in the middle. I was furious with my niece, because I am thinking “who are you to say what can go on facebook and what can’t” anyway, I emailed my niece and basically said "who made you the voice of the family, you put stuff on face book against the Catholic Church (she had made a comment when the Bishops were trying to reverse the Obama Care descision about allowing Catholic Hospitals to offer birth control to its employees), anyway I said you seem to thinks its ok to “spew ****” about the Church, who are you to say anything and why call my daughter and say something to her, either unfriend your uncle or call him direct. My niece doesn’t live in the same city as me, but her parents (my brother and hiw wife) do and this has definately put a wedge in our relationship. And I feel like now, my hubby and I will feel like the outcast at family functions, because most in my family are more liberal than conservative, even though we were raised Catholic, out of my 6 siblings I am the only one still practicing. So, I just don’t know what to do, especially with the holidays coming. My niece will be in town for Christmas, and I really now have no desire to see her, and it makes me mad that she caused this. Why isn’t we have to be tolerant and respectful of the homosexual life style, but they don’t have to be respectful of our views and church? sorry if this is so long, it has really been bothering me

Tell your daughter that the first thing to do when someone tries to put her in the middle is to refuse to be put into the middle.

If approached in a similar manner again, the person who disagrees about politics posted on Facebook can be directed to take their beef to the source, and to do so discretely, if they have any sense or really want to achieve anything postive. The person taking it up for the gay brother in question might be assured that the gay brother is a grown up capable of approaching the original poster about his own situation by himself, if he is so inclined, and should also have the freedom to ignore such things, if he likes. If she wants to alert him of communications that might be presumed to have been aimed at him, fine, but then butt out. If this person runs into those who “want nothing to do” with other people when they’ve never registered offense directly, she can be encouraged to encourage those people to communicate with their relatives directly, instead of engaging in passive aggressive dramas run through third parties.

In other words, encourage people to take care of their own business directly with those they have business with, and to keep out of business that isn’t theirs.

Once you’ve told her this, you can do the same. If your daughter comes to you, listen to her problem and then help her to decide for herself what she wants to do for herself. The more people are required to handle their own dramas directly, the less dramas there are.

The only exception is that sometimes minor children do get into situations bigger than they can deal with themselves. In that case, if it is necessary, Mama Bear and Papa Bear ought to still intervene as undramatically as they can, still giving Baby Bear as much room to take care of his or her own problem by herself as possible. By the time Baby Bear is grown, Mama and Papa ought to be able to retire to a strictly advisory capacity, when they are consulted.

(One cannot, by the way, automatically assume that all gays want civil law to make gay couples the legal equivalent of heterosexual couples. This is not so. At any rate, mere opposition to opening marriage to same-sex couples is not “spewing hate”. That is neither here nor there, though, in this case, not unless this cousin starts parrotting these fashionable but illogical contentions in front of you.)

 

[Et_Cetera]

There is no need for your husband to post things that he knows could hurt a family member. But he did. And he did hurt someone’s feelings, so now he has to deal with it. He’s an adult. Why does he feel compelled to post something controversial? And you say that the post wasn’t specific about anyone–that it was just a general statement. It was specific about homosexuals and your family member is a homosexual, so yes, you can say that it was about him.

Have you ever sinned? Has your husband ever sinned? How would you feel if you came on Facebook in the morning to see your friends pictures and read about casual things and saw a post about something specific that you struggle with? Let’s say that you have trouble forgiving people, for example. What if there was a big post saying that all who struggle with forgiveness are sinners? I bet it would sour your mood and hurt your feelings because all you wanted to do was see what restaurant your friend went to last night and see who’s on the chat.

Personally, I don’t have any issues with homosexuality, but I realize that I’m in the minority with that, and it’s a can of worms that I’m not even trying to open on here. But, I am trying to make the point that it’s just unnecessary to post something so polarizing on a casual medium like Facebook, especially when you have an openly homosexual relative. And then you’re upset when your husband hears from those family members. Please stop and think about how your nephew must have felt. All he wanted to do was read the posts in his Facebook newsfeed like almost all other Americans when he was hit with a glaring reminder that people in the world think he’s wrong, sinful, and bad for the way he was born.