Family member's morality, should I speak up?

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A close family member has recently told us she has a new boyfriend. She says he loves her very much and wants to marry her, but there is a slight problem: he is another woman’s husband. He is somewhat wealthy.

Should I speak up about this? The rest of my family (with the exception of the grandparents whom I had to swear not to tell) seem fine with the idea that she is having an affair with a married man. What should I do?
 
I have a sister who thinks she is a lesbian. She left the Church 45 years ago and is as anti-Catholic as they come. She has lived with the same woman for 17 years. When she asks for my opinion, I tell her the truth. She doesn’t ask very often.

A dear friend who was received into the Church early this year (and I was her sponsor) has recently stopped attending Church. She has met a man who was married twice. He is Catholic. I told her the Church’s teaching on this issue and that she is essentially dating a married man. I suggested she ask him about annulment and whether he ever received one before proceeding with the relationship. Did she listen? No. In fact, I hardly ever hear from her anymore.

A dear friend who is also a fallen away Catholic and also identifies herself as a lesbian started a new relationship recently. She has been calling to talk about her new “girlfriend”. Has she asked my opinion? No. Does she want to know how the Church views her lifestyle? She knows. She doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t encourage her when she shares, I don’t participate in the excitement. She will ask me why eventually and I will tell her.

That’s how I handle these situations.
 
Caesar said:
A close family member has recently told us she has a new boyfriend. She says he loves her very much and wants to marry her, but there is a slight problem: he is another woman’s husband. He is somewhat wealthy.

Should I speak up about this? The rest of my family (with the exception of the grandparents whom I had to swear not to tell) seem fine with the idea that she is having an affair with a married man. What should I do?
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you should tell the family member that she needs to not see him anymore. she could get hurt, and affairs hurt the spouse of the one who is being unfaithful, and their family as well. so definitely take her aside and tell her in a charitable way that the affair needs to end, and be there for her as a friend especially if the affair ends because she is going to need your support.
 
Remind her that the divorce will wipe out substantial wealth. If there are children even more than she thinks.

Oh well, you cant say much in this case. Its really not words that can help her.

She needs much more than that.
 
It seems like a simple inquiry could point out the idiocy and immorality of the situation without attacking her: Why would you want to commit yourself to a man you know is a proven liar and cheat? *or * What makes you think you are the only woman with whom he is cheating–if he can lie to his wife, he can and will lie to you.
 
When I told my brother that he should marry live in girlfriend (with whom he has two children), he yelled at me. It accomplished nothing, but some estrangement.

I’m glad I did it. It drives me crazy that everyone sits around and pretends that these people we love are not endangering their souls. If they were eating poison in front of us, would we not say anything?

But, after I said it, I didn’t bring it up again. I also told my older brother that he was off track raising dogs instead of kids. I told him he needed to return to the Church. He was mad too.

I told my sister that she should stop calling her 8 year old step daughter a “demon’s seed.” I also told her she should try to have her first marriage annulled (she has very good grounds) so she can be fully reconciled to the Church. She was kind of mad, too.

I sound like a busy body, don’t I? But I’ve only had these conversations three times in my 37 years. It took me weeks to work up the courage. I think I did it gently and with love.

You have to say it. Pray and fast first, and pray and fast after.

And be prepared for the backlash. You’ll hear it from her. You’ll get it from people in your family who don’t like strife. You’ll hear, “she’d not going to listen, so don’t say anything.” You’ll hear, “it’s not any of your business.” and, “don’t be so self-righteous.”
 
Well, I think an atheist could come up with a pretty good argument on why it’s stupid to be involved with a married man… leave the religious and overtly moral stuff out of it, and appeal to her self respect and maybe guilt trip her a bit about his kids.
 
MyPhilomena and Island Oak have two EXCELLENT points. (1) Affairs hurt EVERYONE INVOLVED. Not only do they hurt the betrayed spouse and family beyond compare, but they hurt the betrayers on both sides. Big time. Most unions that come out of affairs do not last. (I think it’s close to 90%) (2) How can you possibly trust someone who cheats on their spouse? Let her know that she can’t be that nieve to believe he won’t do it to her.
***And, ***as Damascus said, the wealth won’t be there for long once the x wife gets done with him.😉

Teelynn
 
I think it is important to state your position, as lovingly and gently as possible, but again be prepared to be the ‘odd one out’.

When my brother went through his divorce and started his new relationship I gave him and his new girlfriend my opinion on the situation when they asked. To my astonishment, it was the new girlfriend who listened. Today he is awaiting an annullment (there is solid grounds for its granting), she is going through RCIA and they are living without scandal. He told me he might never be ‘as good at this as you are’ and I looked at him and just laughed and laughed and laughed…excuse me - 14 years ago I was drinking a half gallon of vodka every two days and smoking 800 bucks worth of cocaine a week. By golly, you BETCHA you’ll never be like me!!!:rotfl:
 
LSK said:
I think it is important to state your position, as lovingly and gently as possible, but again be prepared to be the ‘odd one out’.

When my brother went through his divorce and started his new relationship I gave him and his new girlfriend my opinion on the situation when they asked. To my astonishment, it was the new girlfriend who listened. Today he is awaiting an annullment (there is solid grounds for its granting), she is going through RCIA and they are living without scandal. He told me he might never be ‘as good at this as you are’ and I looked at him and just laughed and laughed and laughed…excuse me - 14 years ago I was drinking a half gallon of vodka every two days and smoking 800 bucks worth of cocaine a week. By golly, you BETCHA you’ll never be like me!!!:rotfl:
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Lsk,

I am so happy you have made such a change in your life, and are not living in that dark way anymore.

With God nothing is impossible. Wow. Thanks for reminding me of that.
 
PM me if you’d like my email for your sister. I too had dated a married man and became pregnant. Granted, he and his (now ex) wife didn’t have any children, but the pain still lingers today. More people were hurt than I could have imagined and yes, my family and friends, as well as his, told us how wrong we were and we both lost all of our friends b/c of this (he lost his, mine were so disgusted with me that they walked away and have never returned). What you say, she knows. You most likely will NOT be able to reason with her. I even spoke to priests during my affair, and it took months after my daughter was born before I got fed up with the situation and decided that friendship is what he and I needed (since we have a daughter, we’re in each others lives forever). So, if you think your sister needs outside support from someone who’s been there, done that, pm me and I’ll give you my info.

Peace in Christ
 
I always say “If they did it with you, they will do it to you”, which seems to work better with women. As to the homosexual relationships, I do not have a pat answer.
 
Another vote for pointing out the dangers in building on a rotten foundation. I had a roommate who had an affair with a married man. He was going to leave his wife, his wife didn’t understand him, my roommate was so wonderful…lies, lies, and more lies.

Besides, even if the man is telling the absolute truth, leaves his wife, and marries this other one, it has to be asked a) what right did your friend have to violate the trust of a total stranger who never did anything to her and b) how will she be able to give this man the trust required for a healthy marriage?

Whether religious or not, a person needs to realize that a man of character does not do that to his wife, let alone to his children. I would point that out: “I see what is wrong with this on religious grounds, but you only have to flip on Dr. Phil or turn to the advice columnists to know that this involves common sense and morality that go far beyond Christianity.”

None of this is “news”, and you can admit that. “I know you know all this. I’m just putting in a vote against denial.”
 
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