Family members taking items after a death

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princz23

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My father died last Tuesday. My heart aches over this loss. Our relationship was far from perfect, but we had worked out the kinks and accepted each other and loved each other dearly. He had been hospitalized for the last 17 weeks. During this time, his controlling sister tried her best to turn his very large family against me. It didn’t work and they saw through her lies when I didn’t do what she kept telling them I would do.

She claims my father is her best friend and she loves him so much, but yesterday, 3 days after we buried him, she went to his home where his girlfriend of 14 years is living and took a piece of furniture, all the gifts she had ever given him, family photos, and some of his clothes. Another aunt of mine was with her. I go to court tomorrow over the estate and will be appointed administrator. There is only my brother and I and we are in complete agreement over everything.

My father never wrote out a will. There were only two items he specified to me and several others, including this sister, that he wanted to go to specific people. He wanted my daughter to have the piece of furniture that his sister took yesterday. He was very clear about that and even told me when to let her have it, etc.

My uncle is encouraging me to overlook this and let it go. I believe it is my duty to fulfill my dying father’s last wishes. He didn’t ask for much. He would be so upset with her behavior. There are 10 surviving siblings in his family. She has turned several against her over the years for this same type of thing.

This piece of furniture was Dad’s grandmother’s. This is why his sister thought it should be hers, but Dad did not agree. To my knowledge, he never told anyone he wanted her to have it.

The attorney who is probating the will said I can ask the court tomorrow to have her return it. I plan to do so. I am sure there will be varying opinions on this one.

On the upside, this is a bit of a distraction from my overwhelming grief!
 
My father died last Tuesday. My heart aches over this loss

I am extremely sorry about your loss. This particular web page helped me after my dad died 5 years ago.
groww.org/
Grief is not easy but you get through it. I can say life is never the same and whens omeone you love dies they take something from you.

As for your aunt, she sounds mean as heck…I don’t know what I would do.
 
I know what to do, but you may not like it.

IF I WERE YOU, ALTHOUGH I AM NOT, AND I AM NOT PRACTICING LAW-

Dad’s girlfriend has right of domicile, right, a lease or a mortgage or some proof she had a right to live there? And you’re the administrator? Auntie had no right to go barging into the house and helping herself. She broke and entered, then stole from the estate (the property of your brother and you and any other siblings and direct descendents, WITH OR WITHOUT A WILL), and possibly from your father’s roommate.

Auntie’s actions are criminal.

If you and your brother want to be nice guys, you can send Auntie a letter giving her five business days to return all the items she lifted (list them in the letter) in good condition. If not, you will file a police report. Send the letter return receipt requested (the big green post cards, not the pink signature slips. Both are traceable on the Internet at usps.com, but the big green post card is better in court).

But if you’ve really had enough of Auntie’s shannigans, just go file the police report. Let them bust Auntie red-handed. She was not on the up-and-up, and it sounds as if the rest of the extended family would agree with you and silently cheer you on, even your uncle.

And no, I am not a lawyer- just a person with my share of strange relatives, as well.

My condolences to you.
 
Jennifer,

Please accept my condolences for your loss. My mother passed away 12 yrs ago. I know it can be tough, even when we are lucky enough to have some forewarning through an extended illness.

I was lucky we didn’t have quite the same challenge you are encountering, although there were some small things missing. We still aren’t certain who stole the silver teaspoons, but it’s not the end of the world in any case.

As for what you should do, I would recommend that you ask the court how to proceed. I woulen’t be prone to wanting it to be a big hassle, as you are likely to have some of the family not wanting your fathers estate to be dragged into a fight that will split family against family. But then, this is exactly what your aunt is counting on, no-one wanting to create a family rift, and then she gets her way.

In the meantime, may I suggest you do a Catholic thing to help when you do have to talk with your Aunt. Pray before you talk to her, if and when you are the one to initiate the contact. Pray the entire time you’re communicating with her (especially when she starts talking if you find yourself getting mad, pray, pray for her, and pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you in your words and actions)

And, ask others here to pray for you and your family as you go through this. I’ll add you to my prayers. It sounds like you’ll need it.

Good luck and God Bless,

CARose
 
Perfect example of how you should go ahead…give your belongings to people that you want to have them BEFORE you pass away…that’s what my Mom and Dad have already started doing.

Sorry for your loss…although you would just love to scream to your dear Aunt…just make those few attempts to get the furniture for your daughter (judge/talk to Aunt) then let it go…she will have to live with the fact she “stole” the belonging that your father so much wanted your daughter to have. She probably knows the truth…she’ll have to live with what she is doing, not you. So, don’t go too far with this.

Again, I am sorry for your loss.
 
I’m so sorry about your loss, and that you have to grieve in such a position.

Although you probably have the legal right to reclaim everything with help from the courts, consult with your father’s girlfriend and the rest of the family on this. Do not make a legal stink unless they agree that you should. You might ask them if they think talking to your aunt about whether another piece of your Grandmother’s furniture would appease her. What she’s done is horrendous, but she’s grieving, too, I’m sure. Perhaps a relative who is on good terms with both of your aunts and who knows your dad’s wishes will be willing to intervene without getting the law involved.

It is a sad, sad case, but we’re talking about furniture and threads. Of course they are very important, but things aren’t people. Think very carefully and pray before you make family belongings a source of even greater family strife. Only a sadist has that as their deathbed hope.

On that note, though… as administrators, change the locks on that house if you have to, but make certain that no one who might pull a similar stunt is admitted. They might bring a moving van with them the next time, and then you would undoubtedly have to get the law involved.
 
Thank you all for the suggestions. I will be praying about this alot and asking the advice of the court and attorney. The attorney is a friend of the family and also the county attorney…it is a small town. My aunt lives in another state. I fear we will never see the items again. Some relatives thought we should have already called the police, others think we should let it go. I will wait to be led by the Holy Spirit. I will not suffer from the loss of this aunt in my life, but I do not want to alienate the others. Dad’s girlfriend is staying there with our permission. We plan to deed the home to her when it is legal to do so (we go to court today). Dad has a brother that talking to him is like talking to Dad. I feel he can help with what Dad would want us to do. Thank you for your prayers.
 
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OutinChgoburbs:
I
And no, I am not a lawyer- just a person with my share of strange relatives, as well.

my family worote the book on strange relatives…
somehow i have manage to survive, i don’t know precisely how…
but here i am
Click to expand...
 
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princz23:
Thank you all for the suggestions. I will be praying about this alot and asking the advice of the court and attorney. The attorney is a friend of the family and also the county attorney…it is a small town. My aunt lives in another state. I fear we will never see the items again. Some relatives thought we should have already called the police, others think we should let it go. I will wait to be led by the Holy Spirit. I will not suffer from the loss of this aunt in my life, but I do not want to alienate the others. Dad’s girlfriend is staying there with our permission. We plan to deed the home to her when it is legal to do so (we go to court today). Dad has a brother that talking to him is like talking to Dad. I feel he can help with what Dad would want us to do. Thank you for your prayers.
Click to expand...
neato!!
 
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jjwilkman:
40.png
OutinChgoburbs:
I
And no, I am not a lawyer- just a person with my share of strange relatives, as well.
Click to expand...
my family worote the book on strange relatives…
somehow i have manage to survive, i don’t know precisely how…
but here i am

I fear too many of us can make that claim…Oh look, there goes one now…

:whacky:
Click to expand...
 
May God comfort you in your loss. I empathize with your grief.
When DH’s grandmother died, his 2 sisters rented a U-Haul truck, backed it up at her house and loaded up. She had no will.
DH and I were left to clean the house and, other than an immense amount of trash from the sisters tearing through the house and tossing to the floors what blocked their choice items, we were left with 1 torn pillow, a bookcase and an old mixer. Took us 3 entire days to clear the trash and clean the house up.
It was a nightmare.
 
My sympathies to you and your family for your loss. I am not an attorney, but I do work for one. As the executor of the estate, you have a fiduciary duty to account for ALL your father’s real and personal property.

If this case were in our office, I certainly would ask the court to have the items your aunt took returned immediately, with consequences if she refuses, and possibly conspiring charges against the other aunt for her role in the removal of these items. These women stole property from your father.

We allow time to determine what all the assets are as well as what all the debts are. We ask that no distributions be made from our estates until after the Notice to Creditors time period has passed, and preferrablly not until a year since date of death occurred.

Listen to your attorney for his suggestions on what to do with regards to your aunt. Listen to what your heart (and God) is telling you.You may decide to go after the items the aunt took. You may decide that the trouble and hassle of trying to get back the items isn’t worth the time and energy, but it is possible that you could use those items as a substitute for whatever it was that your dad wished for his sister.

On a personal note, I was the executor of my dad’s estate, I watched as my brother took a few items of personal property that had some value, however, since I wasn’t interested in those particular items (we were the only beneficiaries), I just accounted for them, noted that he had possession of them, and then distributed the remainder of the estate according to the terms of the will (it was not an equal distribution - 60/40 split), always keeping in mind of the value of what he took.

I wish you luck. You’ll be in my prayers…God Bless!
 
My mother had an aunt who was married but never had any children. She didn’t have much of an estate, but did have personal mementos, furniture, etc., and didn’t want anyone fighting over what little she had.

Several years before she died she began “allocating” her possessions to various neices, nephews, grand-neices, grand nephews, cousins, friends, etc.

As eash item was allocated, she put a piece of masking tape on the back or the bottom, and wrote the person’s name on it. When she eventually died, there was no argument about who was to get what. Instead we had nothing but fond memories of her and a good laugh about her practical wisdom.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you call the police ASAP and file a report on your aunts. This kind of thing makes me so furious because it happened when my grandma was about to die. I won’t bore you with the details, but NO ONE should get away with something like that! Don’t fret about your aunt never speaking to you again because you stand up to her. Chances are you’ll never hear from her again anyways…the cousin who did the same thing to my grandma’s (heirloom) belongings has never bothered to contact us in the 8 years since my grandma died. And we never said a word when she took the items. (In fact, I suspect that our aunt died, and we were never notified of her death).

It is a hard time for you and I know that you want to handle this in a Christian manner, but being a Christian does not mean you have to allow someone to stomp all over you like this.
 
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