Family moral predicament

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I’m in a bit of a predicament. I am going to visit my grandmother w my mom and she is bringing her boyfriend. I told my mom that she should not sleep in the same bed as him because that is wrong. She pretty much gave a weak response and told me her values are different than mine and I should respect that. I gave some suggestions about how we could all be sleep in separate areas and what not but she was not buying it. I just don’t know what to do when we get there and don’t know if It’s sinful for me to let them do so even though I told her it’s wrong.
 
What Juilan said.

It’s not your home. It’s not your call. It would be up to your grandmother since it’s her home.
As per JPII, we are to propose, not impose
 
She still has free will to make her choice. Jesus called out the Pharisees for their hypocrisy but they still had the choice to listen or ignore (and they chose to ignore).

This is a tough situation and I am sorry you have to be part of it, I pray that your mother may come to know the healing power of Jesus
 
You can make your displeasure known by refusing to attend if your standards are not met - but certainly this would be the selfish stance to take.

People who don’t adhere to the beliefs of others are numerous to the point of almost endless. The majority of people aren’t going to respond well to any judgment placed upon them. And that applies to families as much as criminals and everyone else.

If you are uncomfortable with the idea just don’t be a part of it. Everything has consequences and if someone can’t find a compromise for a mere ‘visit’, then mayhap they don’t hold much respect for your views.

In likelihood they just think their business is their own. But be weary of this idea of ‘propose not impose’ as its philosophical nonsense that in other settings has seen entire people wiped from the earth. A consequence of being far too tolerant.

Do what you must to preserve your belief. After all, is she not doing the same?
 
Non.nisi.te.domine said:
I’m in a bit of a predicament. I am going to visit my grandmother w my mom and she is bringing her boyfriend. I told my mom that she should not sleep in the same bed as him because that is wrong. She pretty much gave a weak response and told me her values are different than mine and I should respect that. I gave some suggestions about how we could all be sleep in separate areas and what not but she was not buying it. I just don’t know what to do when we get there and don’t know if It’s sinful for me to let them do so even though I told her it’s wrong.
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You did right to tell your mom it’s wrong for her to sleep in the same bed with her boyfriend. But that’s enough. It’s up to your mom to make her own choice. If she ignores what you said, and shares a bed with her boyfriend, it’s not sinful for you to let that happen. You’re not responsible for your mom’s actions, or for anybody’s. You’ve done enough by telling her it’s wrong.

If you’re uncomfortable being in the same house while your mom sleeps in the same bed with her boyfriend, you can tell her you won’t come along to your grandma if that’s what she plans on doing. She might tell you that’s unfair, but it isn’t. Just tell her that she has the right to make her own choices, but you don’t want to be around when she does stuff that you believe is wrong.
 
You have already told mom that it makes you uncomfortable.

Enjoy this opportunity to be with Grandma. She must be delighted that she is going to see her grandchild… And most certainly she will enjoy all you have to share about your life with her. And viceversa! It is a very special bond that of grandparents and grandchildren…Have a very Merry Christmas!
 
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You are not in any predicament. You are trying to tell your parent what to do or not do.

She is old enough to know right from wrong and, as you noted, not going to pay attention to what you think.

You also need to leave your grandmother out of this. She is an adult and it is her house. If she chooses to get into the matter with your mother, that is her business, not yours. And if she chooses to not get into it, that is also her choice and not yours.

You have a moral responsibility to yourself, not to your parent or your grandparent. If they want your consideration, advice or help, they are old enough to ask for it. If they don’t want it, keep it to yourself.
 
Non.nisi.te.domine said:
I just don’t know what to do when we get there and don’t know if It’s sinful for me to let them do so
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It is not your place to “let them do so” or not do so. Your mother makes her own choices. You have expressed your values, and she has been clear that she does not share them.

What to do? Don’t share a bed with someone with whom you are not married. Your values apply to you. Live your values, and don’t expect or pressure others to live by yours.
 
Hello.

My two cents:

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

No matter what a person’s age, fornication is very grave matter. I’m glad you’re the voice of conscience here. I think it would have been sinful not to have said something to your mom. Also, if you can avoid being around gravely sinful behavior that you have no control over, once you’ve pointed out the error -admonishing the sinner is one of the works of mercy - that would be a good idea.

You are in my prayers.
 
I think your mom summed up the situation well when she reminded you that the two of you don’t have the same value system with regards to this issue.

You don’t mention your age. If you still live under your mom’s roof and are a minor, then that is the end of the discussion. Go and enjoy the visit with grandma. Understand that throughout your whole life you will cross paths with people who don’t share your same values. It doesn’t make them bad people. Learn how to “live around” it, as best you can.

If you are of the age of majority and not dependent on your mom, then you get to decide if you take the trip or not. Like another poster mentioned, grandma is probably looking forward to your visit. It might be selfish not to go just because you are having a disagreement with your mom.
 
As others have said, you could choose not to attend. You could make this decision and then relay it to your mother, possibly using it as an analogy. I assume that you may have made choices to refrain from certain actions and events in your youth that your mother may have taught you about (thinking of alcohol, smoking, drugs, or promiscuity). You could let your mother know it is like one of those choices, you didn’t want to attend an event in the past because you knew people would be drinking and doing drugs and that you didn’t want to support them in that. Or, perhaps you did attend those events but now know they were wrong and could relate the fact that you should have made a stand then but failed to do so. Then relate it to this trip. Let your mother know that you really want to go but not at the expense of being around your mother while she is choosing to destroy herself.

Just my thoughts. I hope it makes some sense.
 
Two thoughts:
  1. Children don’t dictate to their parents or grandparents. It’s not your place.
  2. Adults make their own decisions. If you are uncomfortable staying at your grandmother’s house because of your mother’s behavior you have options. You could choose not to go. You could choose to stay in a hotel so that you’re not spending the night in a situation you consider immoral.
 
Not your house, so, grandmother gets to make the rules.

Also, you are not in authority over your mom. She knows you disapprove.

You are not “letting them do” anything. They are grown-ups.

Go and be loving and kind over the Holidays.
 
I think the people telling you it’s not up to you are missing the point. Honestly, you came to ask for help and they became condescending. That said, if you don’t have to go, don’t. You don’t want to make this worse.
 
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By definition, this is moral relativism - the disease that is destroying our faith and this society.
Cannot disagree more - but that is my problem, not yours.

May the blessings of the season be upon you and your family.
 
You may know a definition of moral relativism, but you don’t know how to apply it.

You can throw a hissy fit, and not go to your grandmother’s (which is likely to hurt your grandmother), and you can brew up a big fight with your mother - which is if course going to really clear the lines of communication between the two of you, won’t it.

You have already expressed your opinion to your mother, and if I read you correctly, you have engaged in moral relativism, as you want her sexual activity with her boyfriend to be hidden from your grandmother.

Her sexual activity with her boyfriend is wrong whether it takes place at your grandmothers or somewhere else. According to your post, however, that is not what you said.

You may well have told her it was absolutely wrong, but I can only go by what you related, which is a qualified “don’t do it at Grandma’s”. and that qualification is likewise moral relativism by your definition.

I don’t recall seeing your age noted anywhere. If you are an adult, you have said your piece, and need to leave it there - your mother got it, even if she is choosing to not change her behavior. You don’t need to keep at it as if she were not capable of understanding what you said.

And if you are a youth, the same applies. You said your piece. you now need to respect your mother, whether she is sinning or not. Tend to your own sins. She is an adult; she knows what the Church teaches (as is obvious by her response) and has rejected your request.
 
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