Family not on same faith page

[jmj259]

our family are cradle catholics but unfortunaltly they do not believe in the tennets of the church althought all the children had to be baptized and make their communion and confirmation yet their teachings r of the world. now i don’t consider myself a saint by no means and in the past have also been a falling away catholic and have done some hard sinning. but i always somehow knew deep down inside that some things were wrong even tho everyone was doing it. but since i have come back to the church and made it my resposibility to learn about it since i had no clue of catholicism even tho i went to religious instructions i hadn’t a clue. now my family thinks that i have become a fanatic and continue to live their lives in the ways of the world. they condone abortion and living out of wedlock condoms etc and encourage as well i am so beside myself i don’t know how to deal with this and they will not listen and if they do they look at as if i were crazy.
i certainly would like to chat about this if is experiencing this

 

[guanophore]

our family are cradle catholics but unfortunaltly they do not believe in the tennets of the church althought all the children had to be baptized and make their communion and confirmation yet their teachings r of the world. now i don’t consider myself a saint by no means and in the past have also been a falling away catholic and have done some hard sinning. but i always somehow knew deep down inside that some things were wrong even tho everyone was doing it. but since i have come back to the church and made it my resposibility to learn about it since i had no clue of catholicism even tho i went to religious instructions i hadn’t a clue. now my family thinks that i have become a fanatic and continue to live their lives in the ways of the world. they condone abortion and living out of wedlock condoms etc and encourage as well i am so beside myself i don’t know how to deal with this and they will not listen and if they do they look at as if i were crazy.
i certainly would like to chat about this if is experiencing this

Welcome home, and welcome to the CAF. You came to the right place,because there are a lot of discussers here! You are in a position to stand in the gap for your family and to make reparation for all of them. Stand firm in your faith, keep going to classes, and read lots from the library here. It will get better.

 

[katy]

I asked a priest about this situation once. He suggested maybe I was called to be like St. Monica, pray for my family and live as holy a life as I can while neither denying my faith or parading it. It is hard. When I try to live my faith, I am called holier-than-thou. If I fail at it, I’m a hypocrite. Very tough to keep my balance. I keep holding on to Jesus’ hand and trying, tho.

 

[guanophore]

I asked a priest about this situation once. He suggested maybe I was called to be like St. Monica, pray for my family and live as holy a life as I can while neither denying my faith or parading it. It is hard. When I try to live my faith, I am called holier-than-thou. If I fail at it, I’m a hypocrite. Very tough to keep my balance. I keep holding on to Jesus’ hand and trying, tho.

I get that a lot too. It has been especially during this Lent, for some reason. I get email slurs addressed “since you are such a saint”. It is very painful, but that is why I say we are called to intercede, and offer it up. It is helping me to get over my approval addiction. Ever listen to Joyce Meyer? Stay in the Word and the teachings of the church and cling to that Vine! It is a necessary purification to those of us who receive it, for reasons we may not understand. Daily Mass really helps.

 

[Semper_Fi_1]

our family are cradle catholics but unfortunaltly they do not believe in the tennets of the church althought all the children had to be baptized and make their communion and confirmation yet their teachings r of the world. now i don’t consider myself a saint by no means and in the past have also been a falling away catholic and have done some hard sinning. but i always somehow knew deep down inside that some things were wrong even tho everyone was doing it. but since i have come back to the church and made it my resposibility to learn about it since i had no clue of catholicism even tho i went to religious instructions i hadn’t a clue. now my family thinks that i have become a fanatic and continue to live their lives in the ways of the world. they condone abortion and living out of wedlock condoms etc and encourage as well i am so beside myself i don’t know how to deal with this and they will not listen and if they do they look at as if i were crazy.
i certainly would like to chat about this if is experiencing this

Lead them back by example. Example is the best witness.

 

[puzzleannie]

your best guide to dealing with family in this situation is Search and Rescue by Patrick Madrid, he tells you what not to do and say, as well.

 

[az_4_faith]

I could have written this thread, as well as the responses given, that’s how close to home this thread is.

I’ve often expressed my frustration to Jesus that those who led me to this wonderful faith, for which I am eternally grateful, are usually those who give me the most grief for embracing it wholeheartedly - and they’re the ones who took me to the Church for baptism in the first place!

It’s saddens me beyond belief that I can’t share the joys of Jesus Christ and His Church with my own parents and certain other family members. I’ve spent half my adult life biting my tongue and the other half carefully choosing my time and words, and sometimes totally regretting even opening my mouth at all.

It’s a tremendously fine line!

I took a good priest friend’s advice, who has the same problem. He only offers his opinion when asked and then he (his words) “let’s 'em have it!” Charitably of course, but he takes opportunity when opportunity presents itself, and prays for them and himself the rest of the time.

Saint Monica is my intercessor in these matters.

 

[Bennie_P]

Within my own household I experience this. When my wife and I met we were both nominal Chirstians. She a cradle Catholic and me a Baptist. She has always been faithful about attending Mass and involved somewhat with the soicial life of the parish, what I would call devout yet nominal. Over the years I became more and more secular and even had a total falling away from my own beliefs and even foolled around with New Age spiritualism. After our first Child was born I started reviewing my life with Chirst. After a while I had a radical conversion. First I got serious with the faith I was raised in then finally by the Grace of God was pulled into full-communion with the Church.

When my radical conversion started she called me a fanatic, well a religious nut. Claiming my protestant friends just were too much “jesus freak” for her, then I became a Catholic. Now I’m an all Caps JESUS FREAK. In my eyes, She hasn’t caught up spiritually. But I’m slowly letting myself be more compassionate to this uneveness in our journey. For she was the one that stayed faithful in the way she believed, my past actions probaly stunted her walk and growth. But now I’m seeing growth in her as I mature in faith, but “I” have a long way to go.

I thought my in-laws (cradle Catholics) would be excited about me coming into the Church after 19 years of marriage to my wife, but they too, except my wife’s God Mother(I think she has been the Monica in my life), think I’m a religious nut.

I give my wife credit for her steadfastness for help bringing me into the Church. It had come time for me to be the spiritual head of the houshold and we do have very devout and spiritual children.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

My dh’s family is exactly like your family as you describe it. It is very difficult. We get some of those comments like you mention. We have had some very hateful words said to us when we kindly decline to cooperate with certain things that are sinful. To a certain extent, we try to avoid getting into discussions about our differences because it tends to bring out defensiveness and anger. If our family was a little less explosive in the anger department, we’d probably just calmly tell them that certain comments were offensive. The biggest thing (aside from prayer, which we need to do more of) is just showing them that we love them, and being an example. We often hope that they will see the fruits of our convictions - that they’ll someday recognize that perhaps it is our faith that is responsible for us being stable, content, good people. Mostly, this past year in particular has been a very difficult one for us and the in-laws, largely because of this issue. I guess I can really just commiserate with you.

 

[4boysMom]

our family are cradle catholics but unfortunaltly they do not believe in the tennets of the church althought all the children had to be baptized and make their communion and confirmation yet their teachings r of the world. now i don’t consider myself a saint by no means and in the past have also been a falling away catholic and have done some hard sinning. but i always somehow knew deep down inside that some things were wrong even tho everyone was doing it. but since i have come back to the church and made it my resposibility to learn about it since i had no clue of catholicism even tho i went to religious instructions i hadn’t a clue. now my family thinks that i have become a fanatic and continue to live their lives in the ways of the world. they condone abortion and living out of wedlock condoms etc and encourage as well i am so beside myself i don’t know how to deal with this and they will not listen and if they do they look at as if i were crazy.
i certainly would like to chat about this if is experiencing this

I too have the same problem. Not only with my siblings, but my husband’s siblings as well. We feel liked we are getting attacked with our traditional Catholic beliefs.

I also feel like I am getting attacked from my Non-denominational friends and neighbors, who might I add let me know that they are ex-Catholics. I feel like these people are coming out of the woodwork.

When I expressed this to a Priest, he told me that God may be using me to evanagelize and bring them all back. I know look at it like instead of being attacked, more like educating them on their lack of “True” knowledge.

 

[Cari]

Same experiences, only I converted to Catholicism, and my family remains un-Churched.

I constantly have to remind myself that I did more than my share of sinning, and thanks to the intercession of Our Lady, I was led Home. Hope is a virtue, and so I need to hope that my family will open themselves to the Graces God pours out on them daily.

Be an example of WHY they should return to the Lord.

 

[YinYangMom]

I’m in the same boat.
I’ve chosen to live the faith clearly and consistently (what a challenge that has been given the fact I lived like the rest of my family for so long).
I’ve chosen to pray for them constantly and to speak of the Church’s position only when they bring it up (especially if they bring up a false charge).
I speak charitably and provide references they can investigate should they choose (of course, they don’t).
They’ve learned to stop talking about religion and politics around me.

But that’s ok.

Here’s what brings me comfort:

Once they leave this earth, should I remain, I will offer plenary indulgences for their souls in purgatory.

They will know with all certainty when they’ve passed over to the other side that I wasn’t so crazy after all and they will appreciate my steadfastness to my faith and they will love me for it. They can thank me when I join them, or perhaps even before, since once they are in His presence they will intercede on my behalf should I ask them for their help.

Should I leave before them, then while I’m in purgatory I will pray unceasingly for them, that they may come to know Truth through my passing. His will be done, of course, but at least my time in purgatory will be well spent focusing on them on not my own pain of being so close and yet so far to Our Father.

Bottom line: I thank the Lord daily for giving me enough faith in His mercy to sustain me and every member of my family, let alone relatives and friends as well. I have no doubt my life, my prayers, will help them - whether they laugh at my conviction or not - and that keeps me strong.

It also helps to remember that each person travels along their spiritual journey at God’s pace, not ours. The Holy Spirit will open their ears, eyes, and heart when He determines they are ready to receive the Truth. In the meantime, we pray.

Good luck to you and everyone in this boat with you. We can do this. Be not afraid.

 

[EDUCE_1]

Within my own household I experience this. When my wife and I met we were both nominal Chirstians. She a cradle Catholic and me a Baptist. She has always been faithful about attending Mass and involved somewhat with the soicial life of the parish, what I would call devout yet nominal. Over the years I became more and more secular and even had a total falling away from my own beliefs and even foolled around with New Age spiritualism. After our first Child was born I started reviewing my life with Chirst. After a while I had a radical conversion. First I got serious with the faith I was raised in then finally by the Grace of God was pulled into full-communion with the Church.

When my radical conversion started she called me a fanatic, well a religious nut. Claiming my protestant friends just were too much “jesus freak” for her, then I became a Catholic. Now I’m an all Caps JESUS FREAK. In my eyes, She hasn’t caught up spiritually. But I’m slowly letting myself be more compassionate to this uneveness in our journey. For she was the one that stayed faithful in the way she believed, my past actions probaly stunted her walk and growth. But now I’m seeing growth in her as I mature in faith, but “I” have a long way to go.

I thought my in-laws (cradle Catholics) would be excited about me coming into the Church after 19 years of marriage to my wife, but they too, except my wife’s God Mother(I think she has been the Monica in my life), think I’m a religious nut.

I give my wife credit for her steadfastness for help bringing me into the Church. It had come time for me to be the spiritual head of the houshold and we do have very devout and spiritual children.

Revelation 3:16 (King James Version)
16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

You are on fire for CHRIST; Your eyes are to be upon him and His teachings. When you are cold and you walk in your own shadow of flesh, your heart can be turned as in the parable of the prodigal son. He will accept you with open arms.

Your free will choice.

 

[jc-servant]

I’m the only active Catholic in my family. I can relate!

I would suggest building a “family” of faithful Catholics who can support you in your spiritual journey. I’m not saying to shun or abandon your biological family in any way. However, we all need some people to lean on occasionally and to share the our journey.

I went through Christ Renews His Parish and gained a group of 35 sisters who are my main spiritual support system now. It was a hard experience in some ways and amazingly easy in others, but we were all at different places in our journey. Some people had strong Catholic families and strong faith while others had struggled with teachings or had horrible families. I know that there are other spiritual renewal programs that have helped people too. I also have great support through ministries that I’m involved in at my parish. I find it amazing to consider the close relationships that have developed since I started RCIA in 2000 knowing only my sponsor at this huge parish.

We don’t get to choose the family of our birth, but we can choose to add onto it.

 

[fullofzeal]

we must not confuse “balance” with silence. I threw balance out the window when I realized the “job” we Cath’s have if there be such a thing…and there is…is to help bring about the Kingdom and save souls for Christ. It’s a serious thing, salvation and so I never tire of annoying my friends and family…charitably, of course! I am married with two and have 6 siblings, and besides me and my kids I have 1 sister who’s got it right…all the rest think I’m “over the top”. Lots of prayer and love to the ones I love who think Jesus in the Eucharist is metaphor, deny the bodily ressurection, dissent on contraception and womens ordination and so on. I left the church for 25 years and have been back for 8…the liberal catholic’s worst nightmare!

peace

 

[Eileen_T]

Go here ewtn.com/tv/prime_wednesday.asp and listen to ETN Live in the “Archived Video in RealVideo” section. I just listened to Fr Mitch Pacwa. After the topic of the Russian Orthodox orchestral concert that will be performed at the Vatican this weekend, he talks to a priest about Divine Mercy Sunday. (About 8 minutes in)

The point is that, having fulfilled the Divine Mercy requirements, the floodgates of God are open on the Feast Day and miracles happen. The priest talked about praying all that Sunday one year for his father’s return to the Sacraments. He had been away for a very long time. That evening his mother phoned and told him his father had gone to Confession that day.

Guess what I am going to spend Divine Mercy Sunday doing? I have so many family members to pray for.

 

[seremina]

I will pray for all here and their families. I know what you all go through. Its painful not feeling a connection with your family, despite their Christianity/Catholicity.

It can also be painful to have a different level of spirituality than your dw/dh has. You want so much to have that connection…yet even then…it seems impossible. We must look to Jesus and Mary, and any saints we like. They have the connection we seek.

Who knows… maybe in our old age we’ll find others that share our connection. You ever wonder why the elderly socialise better than we young’uns? They have a lot more in common with each other, faith included.

Believe me, when you want to feel connection with someone, you DON’T FEEL like being a witness to others. It takes time to be ready for apologetics. Otherwise, you’re walking into a lion’s den with a giant “kick me” sign taped to your backside.

 

[stbruno]

Believe me you are not alone by any stretch. I know many religious and ordained who have family members who do not practice their faith. As a deacon, I had a family member ask me to witness a niece’s wedding in a winery since they were planning a destination wedding. When I explained that this was not possible…and how important it is to get married sacramentally in a church, so that they can continue to receive the Holy Eucharist. I was rebuked and told that God would never have refused them. That’s not their “God”.

Whenever I have to approach my family, most of the time, I say a silent prayer to the Holy Spirit to put the right words in my mouth, but I will never deny Christ…no matter whom it might make uncomfortable.

God bless you in your effort! Perhaps we are the key to get our family member’s back to the faith by our example and steadfastness. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Eileen_T]

Two of my daughters are pregnant ( ) and talking about marriage. Both want to get married in the Church but one is pregnant to a divorced man and he other says her Buddhist BF won’t go to Marriage Prep.

I have been told that God sees what is in their hearts and He is Love, so He will understand. SIGH!!!

 

[katy]

What they say is true, but I fear that they, and my own kids, are presuming on God’s mercy. God does know what is in their hearts, but are they themselves facing what is really there? OTOH, that is the drivel they have heard as an excuse from all sides probably all their lives. It sounds good, other people do it, why not?