Family problems

[SilverCamellia]

I am planning on getting Confirmed this Easter. I know my dad, who does not like Catholics, would not receive the news gladly, but I did not expect to be assailed with doubt again I have had several periods of doubt before now and I’ve worked my way through them.

My dad’s resistance is:

• He says thatCatholicism is about control, as they tell you want to do;
• He thinks that most religious believers are hypocrits
• He thinks the Church is all about getting more money for itself
• He thinks I am ‘easy prey’ for the Church, as I live away from my family and alone;
• And that the Church will be glad to get a member from ‘the other side’ ie Protestants.

More personal reasons for him are that my mother converted to Catholicism when she knew she was dying, and he thinks that was not a decision she made in her right mind; and that when she asked her church if he could also become a Catholic, he was not allowed to (I don’t know why).

As it is, I am living away from my family (only 7 miles away) and alone (with dog and cat) and my dad thinks I should move back in with him (I am 28) as he does not agree with me living here. So now I am going to be fighting on another front over Catholicism

 

[FireFromHeaven]

I will let much wiser posters answer this but I will pray for God to help you and your dad.

 

[MichaelHowling]

Well , you’re 28…a self surviving adult. If you don’t need to be with your dad…there’s no reason for you to. I get a sense that dad has some issues and may (maybe subconsciously ) be using you as a crutch in a sense.

ALL of your dads objections you listen could be said as well on the Jewish temple and faith

the jewish faith had all kinds of rules including how to eat/prepare food …how many steps you could take on the sabbath…etc etc

Jesus called many of the jewish leaders and followers of the faith hypocrites (you find them in ALL religions/and ways of thought).

The jewish temple insisted on money being given

…my point in all those arguments ??? In spite of all the above…Jesus was a devoute Jew!

The jewish faith was established by God Himself just as the Catholic church (catholicism is the jewish faiths fullfillment and continuation). Both had/have their issues…even at the begining the church had many scandles: Christ was abandoned by all his 12 disciples (who were given authority and power and an office to guide and guard the church), peter…holding the head office denyed he even knew Jesus …and one of his 12 handed him over and was known for stealing money reserved for the poor! talk about scandal

Now on his last two objections… I think we’re seeing more evidence of a hurting man! I venture to think that he’s hurting from your mothers death and being alone.

Don’t have any doubt in what you are doing as long as your moves are sincere and out of love and are following Truth.

Children are to obey their parents…we grown-ups are to honor them. You can honor your father and mother by following what is right (because you know in their hearts…that’s what they would want) . Also, you probably need to let your father know you’re not abandoning him and will always be there to support, love and honor him.

God bless…it’s gonna be tough!

 

[MichaelHowling]

He needs to see a witness…he needs to see that catholicism has changed you

 

[Molokai_fire]

Hey
My advice to you is to hang in there for now and keep steadfast and dedicated to this monumental desicion you’ve made in your life…
Read up about Catholicism, the answers are all out there so that you can explain why you have made this choice and try to and be open to God’s Grace and ready for the trials coming your way. Honestly I admire you for your choice, it shows that you have dared to look for the Truth and care about your soul. Hang in there and keep positive about where this is taking you.
As for your dad, tell him you have decided on this and try and understand his aversion to the faith, its harder not knowing the source. As a fellow Catholic I can communicate the absolote joy that will come with this decision and encourage you to read widely and listen to Matthew Kelly; A Call to Joy.
Hang in there

 

[Regina_Love]

I am planning on getting Confirmed this Easter. I know my dad, who does not like Catholics, would not receive the news gladly, but I did not expect to be assailed with doubt again I have had several periods of doubt before now and I’ve worked my way through them.

My dad’s resistance is:

• He says thatCatholicism is about control, as they tell you want to do;
• He thinks that most religious believers are hypocrits
• He thinks the Church is all about getting more money for itself
• He thinks I am ‘easy prey’ for the Church, as I live away from my family and alone;
• And that the Church will be glad to get a member from ‘the other side’ ie Protestants.

More personal reasons for him are that my mother converted to Catholicism when she knew she was dying, and he thinks that was not a decision she made in her right mind; and that when she asked her church if he could also become a Catholic, he was not allowed to (I don’t know why).

As it is, I am living away from my family (only 7 miles away) and alone (with dog and cat) and my dad thinks I should move back in with him (I am 28) as he does not agree with me living here. So now I am going to be fighting on another front over Catholicism

It sounds to me like your dad wants to control you! These are his objections, his feelings. These are his problems to over come, not yours. Only he can deal with his own fears. Hopefully some day he will over come them and be free to embrace the Church, which is a gift from Jesus Christ! In 1st Timothy 3 :15 Scriture teaches us that Jesus’s Church is the “Pillar & Bullwork” of the truth. (the foundation & supports!) of the truth!

 

[Lady_Love]

Just my gut speaking…Could it be that your father feels rejected by the Church because he wasn’t allowed to become Catholic when your mother died? Most people reject rather than experience being rejected.

My suggestion is to love your Dad and be a witness of the love of God that comes to you via the Sacraments. Listen to you Dad very carefully and try to hear what is REALLY driving your father’s anti-Catholicism. Maybe he is angry that your mother is gone? Maybe Catholicism reminds him of the grief in his heart for his wife?

I had a boyfriend once that refused to go to church with me because the last time he went to church he went “as a family” with his father, who abandoned him in his early childhood. Being at church reminded him that his father was not a part of his life and he felt his father was a hypocrite. It really had nothing to do with the Church and EVERYTHING to do with his anger and grief toward his father.

 

[SilverCamellia]

Thanks for people’s replies. Now I have had time to think about the situation, I am still certain that I want to be Confirmed this Easter (he suggested I wait a year or not do it at all). I’m not saying I want to do it anyway, to spite him. But it feels right to me and I am looking forward to it because I will finally be able to receive Communion.

When he was talking to me about my mother’s reception into the Church, apparently she asked if he could also join and he was told no, he couldn’t join. And that at her funeral he got the impression that those in charge were not interested in non-Catholics. She had a requiem mass, and if it was a Eucharistic one then he would not have been able to receive Communion (but then, she herself was a convert so no-one but her mother would have been able to anyway).

His first objection was that no man is able to forgive another of his wrongdoings. I said that Christ was working through the priest but I don’t think he listened because he said the exact same thing later.

He also said that Catholicism is all about control as it tells people what they can and can’t do. I thought of saying that most things came from Scripture, but if you don’t believe in the Bible (he says it is full of wise sayings but not to be taken literally) then holding that up as an example isn’t much use.

It would be far easier if he just accepted my decision. I don’t like talking to him about my personal reasons, about talking about God and Jesus because I only feel comfortable with that among like-minded people.

I have just started CBT this past week, and in it I am going to concentrate on communicating with my dad, so hopefully I will learn some techniques to be able to handle him over the coming months. I am still hopeful that I will be able to get him to come to my Confirmation. In it he with either find: - that this church and community is different to the one he went to (and indeed I have been to the church he means, and I don’t much like it); or that it is everything he dislikes. So then hopefully he will leave me alone if he thinks ‘She likes that - I don’t’. Unfortunately he doesn’t seem to think that way. After a year of me moving out of his house, he is still pressing for me to return there

 

[SilverCamellia]

Just my gut speaking…Could it be that your father feels rejected by the Church because he wasn’t allowed to become Catholic when your mother died? .

Yes I do think that might be possible. I don’t know why he wouldn’t be allowed though? I am fairly sure he must be baptised (probably Anglican) as he has said before about him going to Sunday School as a child and not believing what was being said (Jonah and the Whale etc)

 

[SilverCamellia]

One of my reasons against the Church of England, I told him, was that they tend to do what the Government wants them to do. He said they were just being liberal . But he hasn’t been in a C of E church recently I have been to a Sunday service when at a Christening and it had two women vicars. Now I am a woman myself but women vicars, for no conscious reason, have always felt wrong to me.