family question

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kiernyn
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Mom and dad don’t want him. That’s why they wanted him to live with us. The situation is complicated by other things, there’s no way I can tell every little thing, (wouldn’t that be dreary if I tried.)

He just got the full time position a couple weeks ago, before that he was a part time postal worker.
You know on the flip side, my hubby, (his brother) is really incredible. There’s nothing that he won’t do if needed. This whole situation has made me teach the kids a lot of things about being independent and doing for themselves. It has made me realize how important it is for the kids not to depend on mom for everything little thing, but to take care of themselves.

I don’t know why I let this happen. I’ve been unhappy about it for years, off and on. All I can think of is I wanted to be “nice” to the family…but I’ve really been weak, I think.
 
Kiernyn said:
I don’t know why I let this happen. I’ve been unhappy about it for years, off and on. All I can think of is I wanted to be “nice” to the family…but I’ve really been weak, I think.
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It didn’t turn out the way it was planned. You agreed for him to move in temporarily. I would have considered 6 months a temporary situation. Once he moved in he put down roots and didn’t leave.
 
Kiernyn said:
This whole situation has made me teach the kids a lot of things about being independent and doing for themselves. It has made me realize how important it is for the kids not to depend on mom for everything little thing, but to take care of themselves.
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It’s pretty hard to teach your kids about independence while you are enabling your brother-in-law’s dependence on you. It’s definitely time for him to go. And it’s time for your husband to step up and take responsibility for this. He should be the one to talk to his brother, and not make you out to be the bad guy in all of this. You’ve done a wonderful thing in helping him get back on his feet…which he has, so time to move on.

But in asking him to go, I don’t think you need to drag up all the problems with his living with you. It’s not at all neccessary. It should be sufficient to explain that you were happy to help him get back on his feet and now that he has done so, you’d like to have a little more privacy as a couple and family. It needn’t be about anything he has done, but simply an issue of “three is a crowd”. Hopefully he’ll understand this; but even if he doesn’t, it’s still a fair reason for asking him to move out and one that will make family relations in the future easier than if you focus on his issues.
 
We are going to ask him to to leave by the end of the month. Hubby understands now and he’s fine with asking him to go. He’s always talked to his brother if I needed a situation handled, or rules discussed or whatever. I think if he moves out now there’s a good chance that family relations will improve, but if he stays they are going to go downhill.

Well, thanks for all the help! You have certainly made me see things more clearly.
 
Kiernyn said:
We are going to ask him to to leave by the end of the month. Hubby understands now and he’s fine with asking him to go. He’s always talked to his brother if I needed a situation handled, or rules discussed or whatever. I think if he moves out now there’s a good chance that family relations will improve, but if he stays they are going to go downhill.

Well, thanks for all the help! You have certainly made me see things more clearly.
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Please keep us posted. Stay strong in the Lord.
 
So hubby talked to him last night, and asked him to leave by the end of the month. Hubby said he just sat there and nodded. phew! What a relief!
 
Kiernyn said:
So hubby talked to him last night, and asked him to leave by the end of the month. Hubby said he just sat there and nodded. phew! What a relief!
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:dancing::extrahappy::bounce::clapping:

Yay Kiernyns’ hubby!!!

👍
 
Kiernyn said:
Hi, New to the board. I want to ask a quick question but need to give a bit of back ground. So I my hubby and my 4 kids live together in a big house, about 6 years ago hubby’s brother got out of the army and his parents approached my hubby and asked if he could live with us. He said o.k. and I said o.k. thinking that it would be the usual thing of getting enough money together to get him back on his feet, and get his own apartment. Well, he got a job with the post office part time as he waited for a full time position to open up, which it just did (after 6 years!) Well, after a year and a half I finally told hubby to ask him for some rent so he’s been giving us 500$ a month. He does almost nothing else around here, except baby sits once and a while.
This is the tricky part. While I’m thankful he’s willing to baby sit, every time he does, we come home and I’m immediately aggravated by something. Once they were computer gaming and ignored chores, bedtime routines and were up to late…the most recent time, he let my ten year old daughter go to a friends house at 9:30 “to bike her home” and it was dark. She called at 10 pm for a ride home. I was very angry at this. It’s been an implicit rule that she has to be home before it is dark, and generally that’s before 9 pm.Okay, so this is my question, he’s been in this house for so long, he has seen us hussle to get her friends home before dark etc, why do I have to spell things out in a abc manner with him? If I have to, I will make a set of rules and hand them to him,but every time I come home it’s something new that I feel should just be common sense.
If money wasn’t an issue I would hire a couple of teenage girls to watch the kids, it’s getting to the point where I’m not sure if having him take care of my kids is a prudent thing or not. Any advice for dealing with someone like this?
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He should move out–it is causing too many problems. I’m not saying you should throw him out immediately, but set a timeframe (i.e. be out in 30 days).
 
Kiernyn said:
So hubby talked to him last night, and asked him to leave by the end of the month. Hubby said he just sat there and nodded. phew! What a relief!
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yippppeeee I’m proud of your husband. Now I pray his brother mans up and moved out graciously.
 
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