Family & Relatives Who Gossip

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patientlearner

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How do you deal with family members and relatives who gossip about you (spreading false rumors)?

I come from a Catholic family, but many times during family gatherings there are certain people who do nothing but gossip about other people. I understand why people gossip (low self-esteem, ego…etc), but gossip coming from my own family members and relatives, who supposedly love you and who are supposedly Catholic, it really makes me angry.

I’m not a person who lies, gossip, or disrespects others through insults, yet my own family members and relates have done this to me. I feel betrayed.

A person’s enemies would take any chance they could get to hurt, lie, gossip, humiliate, and ruin one’s reputation…Then why have my family & relatives taken the guise of my enemies?

How should I deal with family members and relatives who gossip about me (spreading false rumors)?
 
Gossip and rumors can kill someone. It’s a very, very, very serious sin that should be avoided at all costs. I wish more people would see it the way I do. I’m no saint, and I struggle with sin-but gossip is pure poison.

Confronting them in public, in front of people-acutally works! Let’s say Mr. Doe is calling you a _____. I would, in front of everyone, say, “Mr. Doe, why are you saying that about me? Why do you think that? Are you that upset with your life you feel the need to make things up about me?”

Remember that being a Christian does NOT mean being a push over-stand up for yourself and be proud of your good name.
 
Rascalking said:
Gossip and rumors can kill someone. It’s a very, very, very serious sin that should be avoided at all costs. I wish more people would see it the way I do. I’m no saint, and I struggle with sin-but gossip is pure poison.

Confronting them in public, in front of people-acutally works! Let’s say Mr. Doe is calling you a _____. I would, in front of everyone, say, “Mr. Doe, why are you saying that about me? Why do you think that? Are you that upset with your life you feel the need to make things up about me?”

Remember that being a Christian does NOT mean being a push over-stand up for yourself and be proud of your good name.
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I’ve already confronted two individuals, though not in public, and told them what they were saying was untrue. Regardless of this, one of the two has gossiped to relatives about the confrontation and pretty much everyone knows about the situation. Now everyone thinks the rumors are true because of the confrontation. And more lies build upon more lies which has ruined my image.

There are 4 specific people who I believe are truly evil. They’re always gossiping and trying to humiliate others (as far as I can remember). They pretend to be nice in front of certain individuals then disrespect those same individuals by gossiping/ridiculing them. They are the ones who are trying to keep the rumors/gossip alive by constantly talking about it. They are the ones who want to see confrontation. They are the ones who want to convince others that the rumors are the absolute truth. I can hear them trying to corrupt the minds of others. Little by little. Through gossips here and there.

I often wonder why my other relatives, who are supposedly Catholic, don’t stop the initial gossips and tell them what they’re doing is wrong. But maybe it’s because they don’t want to be the one who “swims against the tide” (sort of speak).

Regardless of whether or not I attend family gatherings, they still gossip about me. They just wait till I leave the room…or they mistakenly think I have.
 
patientlearner said:
…I often wonder why my other relatives, who are supposedly Catholic, don’t stop the initial gossips and tell them what they’re doing is wrong. But maybe it’s because they don’t want to be the one who “swims against the tide” (sort of speak)…
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Those other family members may not know how to deal with the people who gossip either. I don’t really know how to deal with a family member who gossips. I can tell you that I notice the pattern that this particular person likes to say negative things about other people. It makes me wonder what’s said about me and my family when we’re not around. While the gossip hurts and damages you, it also damages the reputation of the person who spreads it.
 
I honestly just ignore gossip even if it’s about me. It’s such a waste of time and energy. If you are secure with yourself, just project that and set an example. Take the high road.

In my mind, when someone is gossiping, they look bad, not the person they are gossiping about.

Put your energy elsewhere is my advice.
 
Serap said:
I honestly just ignore gossip even if it’s about me. It’s such a waste of time and energy. If you are secure with yourself, just project that and set an example. Take the high road.

In my mind, when someone is gossiping, they look bad, not the person they are gossiping about.

Put your energy elsewhere is my advice.
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This is sound advice for sure.

patientlearner, I know this hurts your feelings, but just offer that hurt up as a sacrifice for your sins or for theirs. I always say that if you don’t have anything better to do than to talk about me, go right ahead! 😃
You’ve seen that by confronting them, it solved nothing and it seems that by doing so, you just gave them more to talk about. People who behave that way feed off the rush of finding out the next juicy morsel. In a way, you should feel sorry for them that their lives are so obviously empty that gossiping is how they fill their time. Keep the faith and ignore the gossip. If you actually overhear something, by all means, feel free to stand up for yourself. But for the most part, I would just ignore it, and ask God to forgive them.
 
I don’t know how to answer your question dear since I am one of those in that position where relatives all they do is spread wrongful information, rumors, etc about me! LOL And my family! LOL

But I can tell you that GOD has a way of returning the favor! 👍 I don’t do anything I just leave things be every time I tried to confront the situation it just got worst, using the excuse “see see what did I tell you!!!” So I stopped almost 5 years ago! LOL I don’t care anymore of what they say, I was acused of stealing 20 grand, I am broker than anything you can imagine and even though I haven’t stolen anything at all ever in my teen age, young adult and adult life, I remember when I was like 8 or 9 I stole a little ball of gum from the store, you know how some mom and pop stores have the candies uncovered in these buckets or pots I just thought it was there for the taking! LOL Of course mother made me return it, I forgot I couldn’t take what wasn’t mine! 😦 I am poor but not a thief…Besides if I would have stolen that money I would have bought me a house back then! LOL Instead of living in a rented mobile home apt. LOL 😉 jkjkjk

So anyhow, I think the best thing to do is just pray for them…GOD bless them all! 😃
 
I try to keep conversations with gossips brief and about general topics like the weather. They usually get bored and move on very quickly.

Don’t let them bait you into giving an opinion. (like what do you think about so-and-so’s new cat) The gossip already knows you are not fond of cats, She justs want to hear you say it.
Don’t tell them what you know about a particular situation. They will use it against you.

Don’t tell them your personal business. Telling a gossip something positive, like you’are going back to school’ can be turned into abandoning your responsiblities and eating up your family resources. They present EVERYTHING in a bad light.

At family gatherings, try to stick with the non-gossips. They are the ones sitting peacefully in the corner or playing with the kids.
 
There are 4 specific people who I believe are truly evil.
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then you aren’t obligated to have anything to do with them aside from polite greetings. if they tell lies about you, your life will prove them wrong.
At family gatherings, try to stick with the non-gossips. They are the ones sitting peacefully in the corner or playing with the kids.
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great advice.
 
patientlearner said:
How do you deal with family members and relatives who gossip about you (spreading false rumors)?

I come from a Catholic family, but many times during family gatherings there are certain people who do nothing but gossip about other people. I understand why people gossip (low self-esteem, ego…etc), but gossip coming from my own family members and relatives, who supposedly love you and who are supposedly Catholic, it really makes me angry.

I’m not a person who lies, gossip, or disrespects others through insults, yet my own family members and relates have done this to me. I feel betrayed.

A person’s enemies would take any chance they could get to hurt, lie, gossip, humiliate, and ruin one’s reputation…Then why have my family & relatives taken the guise of my enemies?

How should I deal with family members and relatives who gossip about me (spreading false rumors)?
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You are already doing the best thing you can do by not gossiping yourself. When you are at a family gathering and someone starts to gossip, try saying something positive or really nice about the person they are gossiping about. That action will do a couple of things. It will change the subject and the direction of the conversation and it will also be a strong indication that you are not interested in adding fuel to the fire. If the person continues to gossip, try changing the subject again. If that still doesn’t work - move away from the person altogether. It may take longer than you hope, but eventually, your family will come to know that you do not gossip about others and that you do not appreciate when others say hurtful things about you.

I agree with the other member who said you should pray for those who gossip. Forgive them for they know not what they do.
 
Thank you all for your responses.

I understand that even positive information can be twisted into something negative and used against you. I have experienced that as well. From the very same people.

I’m doing my best to ignore it all and not let it get to me. But every once in a while it does bother me. To the point where I can no longer think of them as family if I wish to ease my mind.

There was a passage in the Bible about subduing your enemies with kindness. I have always been kind to them and have even helped them when they asked. After all these years they still haven’t changed.

I’ll continue to ignore it and focus my energy on better things, but it ain’t easy. Speaking to others who share and believe in the same virtues has definitely given me more strength. Thanks.
 
I tend to act bored and disinterested when listening to a gossip. That will either give them the hint that you don’t approve of it or it at least doesn’t give them the emotional feedback they are looking for. This works 95% of the time. Very rarely do you have to confront anyone, and confronting them often seems to encourage the gossip, because that kind of person craves attention, even if it is negative.

Of course all of the above is only true when I don’t fall into the trap of gossip myself. I know I hate it in principle, but every once in a while, I find myself to be a participant when I really should have known better.
 
so true, dulcissima. falling into the gossip machine is a tough one.

a while back, I was in it. a group of catholic women were talking about something, about which i was going to add a little insider info. a dear sweet woman in the group, looked at me and smiled and said, “Oh. I wouldn’t know anything about that.” and stepped away.

ouch. yikes. busted.

but i’ve used that as an escape hatch once or again since then, “oh, i wouldn’t know anything about that.” and step away. i just don’t think i do it as sincerely, sweetly or humbly as the gal who did it to my gossip.
 
I sympathize with you, wholeheartedly. I have several close family members who love to gossip. They talk to me, constantly about what is going on at work or in the family. Who is doing whatever with whoever else. Raking over the faults and failures of these people… most of which, I don’t even know personally.

When I bring up the (very unpopular) fact that we are committing the sin of detraction… I’m told… “No, we’re just blowing off steam”. No matter what I say… it makes no difference. I have tried to come up with ways that I can get away from the offensive conversations… but it’s not easy. I succeed in my escapes… only about half of the time.

Therefore, when I go to Confession each month… I’m always confessing the sin of “gossip”. Even though, I’m not the one who instigates it. 😦

I will pray for you. Please remember me in your prayers, too. Thanks and God bless.
 
This happens in workplaces, parishes, etc., too. It’s very difficult.
I think some folks gossip as a means to connect to others. It’s not always meant to harm, but that is often the outcome.
Responding in kindness & offering up the hurt seems best.
 
Cracker_Mom said:
This happens in workplaces, parishes, etc., too. It’s very difficult.
I think some folks gossip as a means to connect to others. It’s not always meant to harm, but that is often the outcome.
Responding in kindness & offering up the hurt seems best.
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Very good advice, “Cracker Mom”. I’m glad I checked back on this. I will try it. God bless you. 🙂
 
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