Father’s day and visiting

  • Thread starter Thread starter Danielelfe
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Danielelfe

Guest
Hi,

As children should you always attend Father’s day (or Mother’s day for that matter) by visiting your father when you can? If you do not…are you not a good child (morally)?

Daniel.
 
I don’t think there’s anything morally wrong about not visiting your parents on mother’s day or father’s day. I think personally I would try to, but if it’s not possible for whatever reason, that’s fine. Some people’s parents aren’t particularly bothered about these days anyway.
 
You should visit your parents regularly in any event, to the extent you can do so. Obviously if you are in some circumstance like deployed overseas, in prison, a long distance away, living in a cloister, etc. visiting time is going to be limited, and you may have to rely on Skype or phone calls if permitted.

If your parent has a big expectation of you being there for Father’s Day or Mother’s Day, and you reasonably can do so, then you should be there because it would make them happy.

If your parent doesn’t have a big expectation of you being there for a specific event or day, then you should just plan a visit when you can.

My parents expected me to visit from time to time and especially around major holidays like Christmas, but they did not expect me to visit them every Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, and there were many years when it would have been difficult for me to do that because I lacked travel money or vacation time or had some other pressing commitment like exams. Both of them had spent a lot of years in situations where they were distant from home and couldn’t just go home any old time because they didn’t have the money or in my dad’s case because he was deployed fighting wars. So they were very understanding. I know to some parents it’s a much bigger deal when the kid doesn’t come home and in those situations you either have to go home or try to discuss it with them.
 
That depends. This is a secular “holiday”. It is not some sort of spiritual obligation to make an event of the day.

Some parents, like my husband and I, think these sorts of non-religious holidays are no big deal. It our adult son’s one day off and we do not expect him to spend it with us.

In other families, this day is of big significance. If that is your case:

Does your dad or mom live close by or do you have to book a plane ticket to see them? If they are across town, if they are not some sort of abusive monsters, it is an act of charity and respect to see them.

If you have to book a plane ticket, do you have the disposable income/financial means to do so? You are not expected to go into debt or take food off your kid’s table to visit.
 
I would add that if you can’t visit, and assuming your parent isn’t a horrible toxic abusive monster and you have access to a phone or Skype, you should at least pick up the telephone or the Skype and wish them a happy day and talk for a few minutes.

This isn’t really a big moral issue as it is just one of common sense, the same way spouses or attached couples naturally expect to either spend time together on Valentines Day or for the other to call them and perhaps send a card or flowers or a gift if s/he can’t be there in person.
 
I dont think an adult child has the obligation to visit his/ her parents. Maybe when they are older etc.

My parents dont care about these days that much but I was just wondering if it would be morally bad to not come visit them on these days?
 
Danielelfe said:
I dont think an adult child has the obligation to visit his/ her parents. Maybe when they are older etc.
Click to expand...
If you love your parents, why would you not want to visit them sometimes? I mean, I can see not wanting to spend every single weekend at Mom and Dad’s, but I liked to see Mom and Dad a few times a year. Also, if you wait till “when they are older”, to be honest, they might die before they get to that point. I know a lot of parents who died in their 50s and 60s and sometimes it was quite sudden - a heart attack, an accident, a murder.

You framing this up as an “obligation” is a bit odd sounding to those of us adults who love our parents and enjoy their company from time to time. In fact, the whole question is weird. No parent wants a kid visiting them out of “moral obligation”.
 
I have grown children. As a parent when your children leave home and often get married and have children of their own ones expectations need to change. Two sets of parents are now involved after marriages. I was not going to be that parent that insisted my children had to be at every family type event!

Sure, it’s wonderful when they can come over or call but our family is a bunch of independent types and I’ve placed no burdens on them. In my daughters case this relieved a ton of stress as her spouse (now ex) demanded everyone had to gather together. We often would just plan holidays for a different day that worked for everyone if we wanted a family gathering…Thanksgiving on Friday, etc.

If you live in the same town or within a reasonable distance then I would ask, do your parents expect you to visit? Would a call suffice? You know your parents, we don’t. If you’re really not sure, call and ask…Dad, do you want me to come by? Judge his answer. Does he sound disappointed that you might not? Then go. If he states…it’s not important and he means it, let him know you’ll see him soon or talk again soon.

Do you have a specific reason you don’t want to call or visit? Is it valid? Only you can answer.
 
Last edited:
If you live nearby then yes it may be a little wrong to not stop by around the date and acknowledge the day. Just to bring them a card and say Happy Fathers Day. We usually visit our parents on the day before because we have kids and so spend the actual day doing our own mother/father’s day activities.
 
Objectively speaking, you don’t have to visit.

But subjectively- I think it depends on the reason.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top