Father is Getting Remarried, Advice

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scubasteve

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So my parents went though a horrible divorce about 8 years ago. My Dad had an affair with a coworker and now they are getting married. My mom has a boyfriend now and is happy. I dont approve of how they are living but I am happy they are happy and was at peace with that.

I just dont know how to react to my Dad getting married. If it was any other women I would acknowledge it and support it just so I am there for him. But this is the woman that broke up my parents one and only marriage of 28 years. I have come to forgive him and talk to him every so often but just dont know how to totally forgive her (the coworker). I understand we are all sinners and get she messed up just as I could. I just dont ever see how I could bring myself to talk to her nor attend their wedding.

My sister acting as if everything is OK and talking to everyone and plans to attend the wedding. She thinks I am going to regret this and overreacting. Am I overreacting? Thanks
 
scubasteve said:
My sister acting as if everything is OK and talking to everyone and plans to attend the wedding. She thinks I am going to regret this and overreacting. Am I overreacting? Thanks
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I wouldn’t go, even if the marriage was presumably valid. On saying that both my parents are well aware of how I feel about their relationships and I doubt they would really think I’d attend. In other words I don’t think not attending would affect my relationship. If the marriage was valid I’d send a card and gift. Otherwise I’d send a text wishing them happiness.

My sister married outside the Church and the text is what I did for her. It did not damage our relationship so I don’t regret it.

Even if it had this type of situation reminds me of Jesus saying that we need to hate our families.
 
Elf01 said:
Even if it had this type of situation reminds me of Jesus saying that we need to hate our families.
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I know the Bible verse you’re referring to but the way you’ve said it here doesn’t sound right. Jesus does not command us to hate our families. He means that if we have to choose between doing right by God or pleasing other people — our families included — we must choose God.

As has been said on at least one other recent thread on here, the Church doesn’t have a definitive teaching on whether or not the faithful may attend an invalid wedding. Therefore, if the OP were to attend his father’s wedding, he wouldn’t automatically be choosing family over God.

OP, I feel for you and understand why you are unhappy about your father marrying the woman who broke up your parents’ marriage. I will pray for you. I don’t have a lot of advice, but I will pray for you.
 
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angel12 said:
What would refusing to attend the wedding do to that relationship?
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I dunno, I guess I would hope that if the dad has any sort of conscience, he would understand his adult child being uncomfortable celebrating his marriage to the woman with whom he committed adultery against the adult child’s mother and broke up their parents’ 28 year marriage.
 
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Only the OP can answer my question. And he doesn’t need to answer it here, he needs to answer it for himself.
 
Psalm30 said:
I know the Bible verse you’re referring to but the way you’ve said it here doesn’t sound right. Jesus does not command us to hate our families. He means that if we have to choose between doing right by God or pleasing other people — our families included — we must choose God.
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The direct quote is hate in the translations I’m familiar with. I agree with your interpretation though.
 
So sorry you are going through this!
My only bit of advice, whether it be parents, children, friends…you don’t get a chance for a do over.
 
scubasteve said:
I have come to forgive him and talk to him every so often but just dont know how to totally forgive her (the coworker).
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I just want to touch on this point here. This “other woman” is not any “more guilty” than your father. I understand that we have more motivation to forgive our own family that someone who was previously a complete stranger, but it doesn’t make it any less necessary to forgive.

I am sure you know this already, just throwing it out there.

I can certainly understand you not wanting to attend the wedding, and I’d have to think your dad would understand that.
 
Elf01 said:
Even if it had this type of situation reminds me of Jesus saying that we need to hate our families.
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Jesus said that we are not to love our families more than we love God. “Hate” in some translations does not mean “despise” as our modern language would have us believe.

We are commanded to love everyone, even our enemies. The Catechism is clear about respect for our parents (even when we are adults we owe them respect).
 
TheLittleLady said:
The Catechism is clear about respect for our parents (even when we are adults we owe them respect).
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I agree. I just don’t think attending an inalid wedding is respect. And attending the wedding of the person one parent had an affair with may even be disrespectful to the other parent.
 
You should accept the divorce fact of your parents and their personal life, whether get married.
 
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