Fear and Trembling

[DL82]

I am still not in full communion (wasn’t ready to take RCIA in time to be confirmed at Easter, but wish I’d joined earlier). I go to mass every week, often more often, and have been to adoration a few times.

Every time I see the consecrated host I am filled with fear and trembling. I have real trouble with the Novus Ordo mass because it requires people to sit and stand in the presence of Our Lord. I don’t just want to fall on my knees, I want to fall on my face. I know I am still unable to receive, but doubt whether I will ever feel worthy to receive.

I have taken to sitting in the baptistry at the back of the church (it’s a cathedral) because it feels more appropriate to my situation. I am still over-awed at hearing the consecration, and fall to my knees. Although this was the tradition for many years, I notice none of the other candidates or catechumens do this.

I am amazed at how some Catholics have reached a level in their faith where they appear to be very comfortable as they approach and receive the host, and where the mystery of receiving the body and blood of their Lord and the fullness of His being doesn’t seem to phase them. I feel a million miles away from these people in terms of their holiness, and they are just the majority of the laity. I can barely stand to be in the presence of priests and religious anymore.

I don’t really know what I’m asking for here. Firstly, is it normal to feel this way about the mass and the host? Second, is this something that will pass - I don’t ever want to become complacent, but there seems to be some way of being comfortable with the amazing gift we have been given through Christ. Finally, am I being too scrupulous by sitting in the baptistry? I know we are always in the presence of God, but I feel so ashamed and terrified to appear unprepared before so awesome a manifestation of the Lord our God.

 

[stbruno]

If you can, pick up this book. My son gave this to me for Christmas since he knows that since our parish has initiated weekly adoration, I have been going and I can’t say how much different I feel these days.

This book is amazing. The author interviews nine ordinary people who have had very difficult lives but through adoration, they have begun to feel such unbelievable grace and peace because they have come to understand the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.

amazon.com/Wonder-They-Call-Real-Presence/dp/1569553246
ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/1569553246.01.SCLZZZZZZZ_AA240.jpg
You will be moved by this book and be happily surprised and drawn to becoming more active in the Catholic faith which hopefully you will soon profess. Come on home!

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

I am ***still ***in awe and very humbled when I approach to receive Communion.

:heart:Blyss

 

[tgliang]

Actually, DL82, the sentiments you described remind me of the latin mass used before Vatican II. There was constant silence in the church because of the presence of the presence of the Lord, body and soul and divinity in the host. He was normally there even before the consecration because some consecrated hosts were kept in the tabernacle from previous masses. And therefore, we geneflected each time we entered and exited the pews.

But nowadays, most talk freely in front of the tabernacle and stand during parts of the consecration, as if the Lord no longer needs to be respected. I used to serve the latin mass, and over half the time we knelt. The alter boys sat only during listening to the homily.

Sometimes it helps to go back to the basics. I ask myself my self who made us. Are they my mother and father? If that is true, then we do not need doctors to cure us (mothers and fathers could do that). The answer is mother, father and God. But who made our fathers and mothers … and so on back to Adam and Eve, who were made by God. And that’s why we must respect God. I am just talking to myself. It helps to be on an even keel.