Fear of asking girls out?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Walterross
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

Walterross

Guest
Hey guys I had a question concerning a fear of mine. I’m in college and I find it hard to talk to girls. I know what many of you will think, “many guys have that fear.” That is true, but it seems worse as a catholic man. What I mean by this is the fact that, naturally, asking girls out or even flirting is nerve wracking, but even if you succeed, you have no clue if she is going to accept your beliefs/morals. I know that as catholics we are called to date to marry. If you don’t date to marry, then what’s the point? To break up? Anyway, as a catholic man, even if I get past the awkwardness and fear of asking a girl out, she may, for example, want to be more intimate (sexually) than you do before marriage. This may be because I see the party scenes on instagram and whatnot and it seems like most wouldn’t be saving themselves for marriage. This fear may come from the fact that many college students do not want to save sex until marriage. I suppose I’m just scared of putting myself out there and then getting burned when I’m not as “fun”, or I’m “too innocent” because of me waiting until marriage. I had this situation happen once already when I thought she was “the one” and it stung for a long time when things ended. Should I only ask out girls in Newman club or from church? I know these questions do not have objective answers, just wanted to hear what you guys thought…
 
I think most definitely when you want certain things out of life, you should find the people that will most likely be able to give you those things 🙂 I’m not saying to only date girls from the church , but finding a practising catholic lady will certainly lower the chances of their being differences on life choices and goals for the future :)🌈🌻
 
I’m with @AutumnBaby. Find a woman who aligns with your religious convictions That might mean dating someone from church or the Newman club. It is difficult to know someone’s religious affiliation unless you know them well or pointblank ask them. At least you’ll know if you look in church or the Newman club.

Just my opinion, for what it’s worth.
 
Walterross said:
I know that as catholics we are called to date to marry. If you don’t date to marry, then what’s the point?
Click to expand...
A date, a couple of dates, is how two people get to know each other. Everyone has a “deal killer” list, if the first couple of dates reveal a deal killer, you shake hands and don’t date anymore, no harm no foul.

Every date is not some sort of prelude to marriage.
 
Lee1 said:
What would happen if you dated a non Catholic? Or an atheist? Or anyone not from the Church or the Newman club?
Click to expand...
Well while it is possible, my faith is very important in my life and the ultimate goal of marriage is to help one another get to Heaven. So being an atheist might cause us to not see eye to eye on many issues.
 
TheLittleLady said:
A date, a couple of dates, is how two people get to know each other. Everyone has a “deal killer” list, if the first couple of dates reveal a deal killer, you shake hands and don’t date anymore, no harm no foul.

Every date is not some sort of prelude to marriage.
Click to expand...
Yes, that makes sense. I must have misspoken, I’m not saying that I’m going to marry everyone I date, because yes, a date is used to get to know one another. However, if things do go well, the ultimate goal should be marriage right? This is all in the context that you DO in fact meet someone who you see a future with.
 
Walterross said:
I know that as catholics we are called to date to marry.
Click to expand...
I’ve heard this before. No, not every date needs to be directed towards Marriage.
Walterross said:
I suppose I’m just scared of putting myself out there and then getting burned when I’m not as “fun”, or I’m “too innocent” because of me waiting until marriage.
Click to expand...
I’m reading a lot of unnecessary fear here. Either she respects your moral beliefs or she doesn’t. You cannot and should not be fearful of this.
Walterross said:
Should I only ask out girls in Newman club or from church?
Click to expand...
Those are good ideas; however, a good spouse could be anywhere.
 
The right person is going to be supportive of waiting until marriage. My husband was not a practicing Catholic when we started dating, but fully respected me and we waited until marriage (dated many years prior too).
 
There are many great answers here that I won’t try to echo, but here’s another thought for your consideration. As Catholic men, we try to hold ourselves to the highest standards of purity and integrity before mariage, and then of sacrificial love and devotion to our wives after mariage. To best enjoy the whole process of dating, courting and marrying a woman, find someone that holds mariage in the same high esteem as you do. I’ll say this from experience, it’s absolutely mind blowing to have a wife that promises to be utterly devoted to love your wretched sinner self, in front of God, until death do you part. And the same feeling to devote your life to serving her and your future family together.
It’s unlike any other feeling to discover intimacy together, after mariage, under God’s blessing. Catholic mariage is truly amazing, and it would just be a shame to waste one of God’s greatest blessings on someone who doesn’t hold mariage and sex in such high esteem. Again, no harm in making friends in college that are girls, finding qualities in them that you admire, and becoming more comfortable around girls in general, but look for a wife that honors mariage as much as you do.
 
That is definitely the plan man. Thanks for the words of encouragement!
 
Chill out, Bro. One step at a time. You can’t have instant nirvana.
Ask the girl out and take things from there.
Don’t get so stressed out about all the details.
Talk, get to know her. Talk about your beliefs.
Take II slow.
Have no fear.
 
I hope you will think about my words. I’m a 62-year old woman who has been married to a Christian man for almost 40 years, and we raised two tremendous daughters.

Many women still believe in waiting for the man to ask them out, and they are not comfortable trying to “lure” the man by flirting or even hinting. These are the type of women that you hope to fall in love with and marry someday, right? Good for you!

So think about this–by NOT asking them out, YOU are behaving selfishly and assuring that these decent, modest young women will remain single and lonely. THEY can’t ask YOU out because of their modesty and you won’t ask them out because…basically because of fear of rejection.

You hide this fear of rejection by saying that you are afraid they will want to become sexually active, but honestly now, you can probably get a pretty good idea of a woman’s sexual intentions by the way she dresses, speaks, acts, and by the friends she hangs around with and the interests that she talks about.

A woman doesn’t have to dress like a pilgrim and keep her head bowed and say “thee and thou” to be a wholesome and decent woman who plans to wait until marriage to make love to the man she loves.

But in all likelihood, she won’t be wearing suggestive clothing, and she wont be using swear words, and she won’t be coming on to you or any man, and she’ll probably be faithful about attending church and even getting involved with some ministry in the church. The books she carries will be wholesome and uplifting, and she probably prays and reads the Bible and she probably listens to music that doesn’t include “f” bombs and violent lyrics. And she’s likely to be pro-life and willing to speak up in classroom and social settings.

Read Proverbs 31–Christian women have many of these pious and commendable traits. Since you are in school, it would be good to look for the smartest women in your classes–it’s always good to be married to a woman who works hard and is capable of earning a living should anything happen to you. Also, an intelligent woman will be an interesting woman and can keep you company when the TV is broken and you don’t have money to go to the movies.

One more thing–a beautiful woman may NOT be beautiful physically. Please be willing to look past a few extra pounds (or a few extra bones, if the woman is very thin), unruly hair, circles under the eyes, acne, clumsiness, no fashion sense, etc.–many young women who have physical flaws are still learning how to “look” beautiful, and many women who are gawky in college grow up into stunning women! (And many stay the same, but they are beautiful to the man who loves them!)

As the Bible says, Beauty is fleeting. Even the most beautiful women will grow old. Even a beautiful woman can be diagnosed with cancer, or be in an accident, or become depressed–these conditions often affect a woman’s (and a man’s) looks. DON’T LOOK FOR OUTWARD BEAUTY–look for inner beauty.

So take a deep breath, be brave, and ASK women out. If you don’t have the courage to ask women out and date them, you don’t have the courage to be married and have a family.
 
I suggest you make friends with a girl you fancy first. Then as you get to know each other things may get more serious. If they don’t then keep meeting girls until you find the lady God wants you to marry. Don’t take it too seriously. If a girl is mean to you, you wouldn’t want to marry that kind of girl anyway. And rejection is also a means of God directing you to the right girl. Keep you head up and don’t stress too much. God will guide you if you let him! God bless!
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top