Fear of Hell

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My mother is a cradle Catholic who has fallen away from the church. When we were young, we went to mass every Sunday, but received no catechesis at home. We were never told to go to confession, and my parents never went, so it was not something “important.” However, I have rediscovered my Catholic faith, and have learned quite a lot about it. My mother has noticed how devout I have become, and is finally starting to ask questions about her faith. She shows an interest in coming back to the church.

Last night I told her about how confession started the process of me growing spiritually. I told her that I was always afraid to go, but that it was one of the best things I ever started doing. She told me that she had an intense fear of Hell, which was because of what she was taught in Catholic school when she was younger. She says that she knows she is not supposed to receive communion in a state of mortal sin, and that things like not going to mass on Sunday are considered to be mortal sins. She looked up mortal sins and said “I don’t think these are mortal sins” (divorce, premarital sex, not going to mass). She said the church teaches that if you died in mortal sin,** you would go to Hell. ** She also told me that she feels that if she does’t lead a life exactly like Christ’s, that she thinks she will go to Hell, or she things the the church teaches that she will go to Hell. This seems so unreasonable! We are fallen people, and we sin, but we need to continuously turn to Christ. I told her that just because you know you are going to sin again doesn’t mean you should not go to confession. She seems to have an “I give up” attitude.

I think there are several things going on here. I know that I didn’t want to go to confession because of my pride, and that I hated looking at examinations of conscious because I did not like being accountable for my sin. I know that an intense fear of Hell may be due to resisting God’s mercy and accepting forgiveness.

Is there something she can read that will point her in the right direction? I told her to start with confession. However, she needs to know why these things are sinful, and she needs to understand that God wants to have a relationship with her.
 
Initially, I’d recommend learning more about perfect and imperfect contrition.

Perfect Contrition
Our contrition is perfect when we are sorry for our sins because sin offends God, Whom we love above all things for His own sake.

Imperfect Contrition
Our contrition is imperfect when we are sorry for our sins because they are hateful in themselves or because we fear God’s punishment.

dailycatholic.org/issue/2002Apr/apr25cat.htm

I’d also get a copy of the Catechism and start meeting with a priest.
 
A fear of Hell is a good thing because it means ultimately a fear of God which we all should have. St Paul himself tells us that we should work out our salvation with fear and trembling. However, while a fear of God’s justice is healthy, we must also hope in Him for salvation, neither being presumptuous or in a state of depair. Praying the Rosary is the best start. If you pray the Rosary, you will get the grace to make a confession. The first one is always hardest, so it will get easier as time goes on.
 
I would strongly suggest that you go to your parish rectory and see one of the priests. Tell him exactly what you have written in this forum. Then make an arrangement for him to meet with both you and your mother. You can always leave during the meeting so as to give your mother and the priest some privacy.
You might consider talking with your mother about having the priest visit you both at home, if that is possible. Many good things can happen over a dinner table.
G*d Bless you and good luck in your quest.
 
I would recommend that she visit the Vatican site on the internet. All her questions will be answered there.
 
texascatholic12 said:
My mother is a cradle Catholic who has fallen away from the church. When we were young, we went to mass every Sunday, but received no catechesis at home. We were never told to go to confession, and my parents never went, so it was not something “important.” However, I have rediscovered my Catholic faith, and have learned quite a lot about it. My mother has noticed how devout I have become, and is finally starting to ask questions about her faith. She shows an interest in coming back to the church.

Last night I told her about how confession started the process of me growing spiritually. I told her that I was always afraid to go, but that it was one of the best things I ever started doing. She told me that she had an intense fear of Hell, which was because of what she was taught in Catholic school when she was younger. She says that she knows she is not supposed to receive communion in a state of mortal sin, and that things like not going to mass on Sunday are considered to be mortal sins. She looked up mortal sins and said “I don’t think these are mortal sins” (divorce, premarital sex, not going to mass). She said the church teaches that if you died in mortal sin,** you would go to Hell. ** She also told me that she feels that if she does’t lead a life exactly like Christ’s, that she thinks she will go to Hell, or she things the the church teaches that she will go to Hell. This seems so unreasonable! We are fallen people, and we sin, but we need to continuously turn to Christ. I told her that just because you know you are going to sin again doesn’t mean you should not go to confession. She seems to have an “I give up” attitude.

I think there are several things going on here. I know that I didn’t want to go to confession because of my pride, and that I hated looking at examinations of conscious because I did not like being accountable for my sin. I know that an intense fear of Hell may be due to resisting God’s mercy and accepting forgiveness.

Is there something she can read that will point her in the right direction? I told her to start with confession. However, she needs to know why these things are sinful, and she needs to understand that God wants to have a relationship with her.
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My DEAR friend in Christ;

We can’t judge others motives. That said there are actions that OUGHT to be recoginized as Geravely sinful. Prematerial sex, contrception missing Mass among them.

In order for someting to be a MORTAL SIN three conditions MUST exist.
  1. Knowledge that what is about to do is a Mortal sin "Grave Matter] and the test for this would be to ask 100 reasonably religious people id “such and such is a Mortal sin?” If The MAJORITY say it is; then likely it is even if one is not sure of it.
  2. One has to FREELY desire to commit the sin [want to] knowing its seriousness
  3. Then knowing it IS a Mortal sin do it; or have a desire to do it but for some reason are unable [not unwilling] to accomplish it.
This then become as issue ONLY the petintant and the Confessor can sort out.

I sent you a private message also:)

God Bless,
Pat [PJM] here on the Forum. WELCOME ABOARD!🙂
 
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