Feel uncomfortable at current parish

[Totustuus1213]

My husband and I have been going to the local cathedral because we have felt so uncomfortable at our current parish. When we started going, no one reached out and welcomed us. Even after we submitted our information to the rectory to become parishioners, we never got a welcome. Then after a year of no welcome, we get a call saying that we are scheduled to be eucharistic ministers even though they never confirmed with us that we could be. Also concerning is how they approach fundraising. The priest usually has a 10-20 min monologue at the end of mass (whenever he needs money) talking about how much families should donate. For example, Instead of being reasonable with his spending, the priest wanted to buy expensive chairs for the church which cost tens of thousands of dollars in the end. He told the parish that each parishioner should donate at least $100 to cover the cost of the chairs. That is well over what my husband and I can afford at the moment. (I’m unemployed because of health issues and he works a low-income job) This parish isn’t very big either. So, it just makes me feel very used by going there. I’m not seen as a part of the community until they can use me for their end, and then they put lots of pressure to fork over your money on things that the parishioners might not be able to afford. I want to be happy that I’m meeting Jesus there, but this parish feels so uncomfortable.

And, just to clarify, I completely understand reasonable fundraising and asking parishioners if they want to volunteer. All the parishes I have ever gone to have asked for help from parishioners, but have always done so with the utmost respect. But, the pressure which this parish puts on parishioners is very uncomfortable. My husband and I actually are the ones who need help at the moment, and I don’t feel comfortable asking for it from our current parish. How would you approach this situation?

 

[TheLittleLady]

I’d suggest having a talk with your pastor about the needs you have. Make an appointment with him or invite him over for supper.

For the welcome, some parishes just do not have the staff or volunteers to handle this IMPORTANT ministry. Here, I am on staff and I either visit with new families when they walk in to register, visit on the phone if they call in or I send them an email if they register in another way (dropping off the packet for instance).

Maybe, when you can, you could help the Parish Council come up with a way to welcome new folks!

 

[Totustuus1213]

My husband and I actually are the ones who need help at the moment, and I don’t feel comfortable asking for it from our current parish.

I’m unemployed because of health issues and he works a low-income job

TheLittleLady, Great ideas for a healthy individual, but it’s not going to happen as long as I am dealing with my health issues. I’m sorry.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Unfortunately, parishes sometimes aren’t very good at rolling out the welcome wagon. I have to admit that I myself am used to parishes being pretty impersonal much of the time, unless it’s a case of a person living in the same town for all or most of their life and knowing many of the people involved in the parish, or knowing their families. I’m sorry you didn’t feel welcomed. Were you able to participate in anything where you might be able to meet other people from the parish, like social events, Bible study, even daily Mass?

As for the fundraising, it sounds like this is a case of a priest who doesn’t know how to go about it very well. If you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. It’s okay to just say “No”. In fact, my opinion is that it would be okay to say “No” if you did have the money and just didn’t think it should be spent on chairs. We aren’t automatically obligated to give the amount the priest thinks we should give to whatever he thinks we should give it for.

 

[Totustuus1213]

Were you able to participate in anything where you might be able to meet other people from the parish, like social events, Bible study, even daily Mass?

Unfortunately, I haven’t seen any activities besides the ones held for families who send their kids to the Catholic school next door.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Having been in that kind of “kid-centered” parish, it sounds like maybe this parish is a bad fit for you.

If the cathedral is close by, see if you can be members of the parish there, or get involved in some of its activities. Cathedrals often have interesting things going on.

 

[Peeps]

Do you have the option of looking around at other parishes until you find one that is a good fit?

Do you live anywhere near a small town where the parish might (or might not) be friendlier?

 

[NoelFitz]

Hi TT,

I am sorry to read about your problems.
I live in Ireland and do not attend my parish church, but a neighbouring one, where the priest told me that one goes to where one is fed.

The key point is to hang on, knowing we are in a holy church for unholy people.

But your post makes me think am I welcoming all who participate with me?

God bless.