Feeling ambivalent about homeschooling

[Eleanor61]

It sounds like you have reached some sort of closure with this issue which is good, but another poster reminded me of something I have often heard from homeschoolers and school teachers alike.

If you can manage it for just a few years, homeschool junior high, or what is now considered middle school. 7th and 8th grade, and now even 6th, are the years when the influences are worst and they make the least progress academically because of hormonal effects on their thinking, memory, etc. It is more or less an academic holding pattern, and their behavior can be atrocious. Because of their fuzzy thinking they are especially susceptible to peer pressure which might not have been a big deal before, and which they might be able to resist with more maturity.

I would definitely think about 7th and 8th grade.

 

[hieroglyph]

I’ve been homeschooling for several years now and for a while I worked part-time (about 18-20 hours per week). You can do it!! What I did was try to make our homeschool time FUN and less stressful. Your children are in preschool so that part is easy! Also, field trips are a perfect way to teach and spend time with your family at the same time and it’s LOW STRESS. In my experience when dad has doubts the best thing is to get him involved. He can help choose materials or even help teach. Let him do some of the fun projects like art. I also reccomend Teach Your Child To Read In 10 Minutes a day. I taught my 6 year old to read with that program!

I also personally have a homeschool supply store online and I sell a lot of really good homeschooling books and educational videos and toys if you want to take a look. It’s all run by amazon so you get the amazon shipping deals. My #1 reccomendation for a how-to book would have to be A Charlotte Mason education. But for pre-k I’d start with The Ultimate Book of Homeschooling Ideas and go heavy on art and beginning literacy. If you can take even an hour or so a day you can do it. At this age, they don’t need to sit in a desk for 6 hours, so don’t feel like you need to do “school at home”. It’s never been proven to be better for kids just because everyone is doing it.

Starfall.com is another great resource for pre-k literacy. It has free games where a child can learn to read and they are cute and fun!

I am not judging anyone else’s choices but I personally LOVE homeschooling! I don’t think I could stop if I tried! And anyway, even if you send your children to school you will always be their 1st and most important teacher. It’s not either/or. You will still always be teaching them at home!

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

First, you have a few years before this becomes a must-make decision. Children certainly don’t *need *to go to pre-school. And even K is not required in every state (and now people regularly hold their kids back from K at 5). So you have at least two years to think this over. A lot can change in that time.

If you don’t know any families who attend the local PS or the parish school, now is the time to get to know them. I’m sure you’ll find that both schools are far from “the pit of hell”, although they will both have pluses and minuses.

You also need to consider the overall needs of your family - including getting the bills paid - as well as what might be best for each child (and any others you may have).

We did a little of each - homeschool, church school, public school. Because we have very good public schools in this area the educational quality was never an issue. (In fact, of the three choices our parish school is the least academically rigorous.)

I did work part time and homeschool when they were little - but not past 2nd grade. At that point they needed more time for schooling than I could handle and work effectively at the same time.

What really tipped the balance for my family, was the extra-curriculars. Homeschooling music, drama, etc meant too much running around to special groups and lessons. Once they started public school, all of that was part of the usual school day (again this is an excellent school district).

But going back to the beginning, your children are still young. It’s great that you are thinking and praying about this, but don’t feel that you must make a permanent decision right now. Take it year by year, even child by child.

 

[SGTTOM]

I’m sorry, but that is NOT a “Catholic” book as that is not what the Church teaches. Sounds like you’ve been fed a certain worldview. Now that you have graduated, you might want to go out and find out about things for yourself.

I don’t really know what your talking about. The Church doesn’t have any very specific teachings on evolution that I am aware of at the moment. By Catholic book I mean its written by a Catholic person. It doesn’t go against church teachings as the Church has no particular teaching on evolution. Since I don’t want to clutter this thread up with off topic posts I decided to PM you.

 

[Cupofkindness]

It’s dangerous to think that you can pop your children in and out of private or public schools based on “how the year goes.” Your children cannot easily develop friendships or master their school work if they are changing educational settings regularly. You need to start something with the intention of sticking to it.

I would recommend that you pull back from the homeschool group and get involved with the pre-school mothers club or whatever your parish and/or school has for support. You will not get a balanced view or advice from the homeschool group, and I’ve found these sorts of people to be very judgemental. And based on what I’ve seen, children from Catholic schools generally are better prepared for college, but there is always the exception.

Remember, friendships are a very critical component to childhood and adolescence. For the most part, it is difficult for a homeschooling situation to provide this. Not only should you look to what allows your children to grow in their faith, but what will bring them the greatest amount of happiness. I think homeschooling is overrated, but for some, it’s the best option. Our family is much happier in our Catholic school. We homeschooler for years too.

 

[NurseyJ]

It’s dangerous to think that you can pop your children in and out of private or public schools based on “how the year goes.” Your children cannot easily develop friendships or master their school work if they are changing educational settings regularly. You need to start something with the intention of sticking to it.

This is a very good point, one that I had almost forgotten about. I attended Catholic school my entire life and I remember how downright AWFUL it was when my parents decided to put us in a different (Catholic) school for middle school (for no good or rational reason). It was a social nightmare. Then after having attended k-8 in Catholic schools, my parents sent my sister and I to public school for the first 2 years of high school. The disruption from school to school and from Catholic to public was extremely difficult on myself and my sister, so thank you for reminding me. I wish that my parents just picked one place and stuck with it.

 

[rayne89]

I homeschooled our daughter from kindergarten through 8th grade. I always worked part-part. When my husband was laid off I worked close to full time and he took over quite a bit of the schooling. She is now a senior in public high school. She is incredibly strong in her faith and I am very glad I was able to lay a strong foundation. Her school friends are completely secular (she has strong Catholic friends from church.) She stands her ground and they respect her faith.
We belonged to many homeschooled groups -most were stay at home moms, didn’t matter to me. My husband was often the one taking her to activities -we worked opposite shifts. They were impressed with his level of participation and I never received any flak for working. I wouldn’t have let it bother me if I had.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

This is a very good point, one that I had almost forgotten about. I attended Catholic school my entire life and I remember how downright AWFUL it was when my parents decided to put us in a different (Catholic) school for middle school (for no good or rational reason). It was a social nightmare. Then after having attended k-8 in Catholic schools, my parents sent my sister and I to public school for the first 2 years of high school. The disruption from school to school and from Catholic to public was extremely difficult on myself and my sister, so thank you for reminding me. I wish that my parents just picked one place and stuck with it.

I moved constantly when growing up as my dad was in the Army. Kids can survive changing schools.

I don’t advocate moving kids in and out during a school year, but I and others have had our children in all three settings over their K-12 years. Usually it is a transition from one environment to the next. I don’t know anyone who has homeschooled one year, then put the kids on PS, then went back to homeschooling and ping-ponged around like that – that could definately be disruptive!

 

[Moore11]

It’s dangerous to think that you can pop your children in and out of private or public schools based on “how the year goes.” Your children cannot easily develop friendships or master their school work if they are changing educational settings regularly. You need to start something with the intention of sticking to it.

I would recommend that you pull back from the homeschool group and get involved with the pre-school mothers club or whatever your parish and/or school has for support. You will not get a balanced view or advice from the homeschool group, and I’ve found these sorts of people to be very judgemental. And based on what I’ve seen, children from Catholic schools generally are better prepared for college, but there is always the exception.

Remember, friendships are a very critical component to childhood and adolescence. For the most part, it is difficult for a homeschooling situation to provide this. Not only should you look to what allows your children to grow in their faith, but what will bring them the greatest amount of happiness. I think homeschooling is overrated, but for some, it’s the best option. Our family is much happier in our Catholic school. We homeschooler for years too.

I think using words like “dangerous” is tipping your hand a little. The phrase “I’ve found these sorts of people to be judgmental” is actually more judgmental and stereotypical than anything else that has been posted. The “social” argument is also not fresh. Let’s be careful not to lump an entire group of people into a certain category just because it fits your view. I’m sure it bothers you when some homeschoolers “judge” others so you probably should not do it to them.

 

[mrs_ahs]

Next, it must be noted that parents need proper qualifications to be able to teach the more academic subjects at an appropriate level and in a way that works. How many grades can one teach of all the subjects that are on the curriculum? Even in one’s own field this is so hard that not every person with a degree or experience in the field can do it. Teaching children, as opposed to adult students of whom more can be required and who have worked out their own methods, is basically a job on its own, an interdisciplinary field in its own right. There is a reason people get degrees in it.

Eh, this is not really the case nowadays. There are co-ops, private tutors, part-time homeschool groups, distance learning, interactive online courses, dual enrollment at community college, etc. If there is a need for the child to learn a subject which the parents are not prepared to teach, there are many ways around that. As the kids get older, they usually become very independent with their work. You don’t have to hover over a 10 year old all day. They will usually just call you when they have a question or need further explanation than the text gives on something. So while you may have four or five kids working at once, you don’t have to be four or five places at once.

Neither should it be ignored that people need to go out to develop properly. They need contact with their peers. It can’t really be contact only with select, isolated groups. But above all, spending all or almost all of one’s time home is not healthy. I’m almost going insane from working home as a freelance professional and extramural scholar and I don’t even want to think what if I were a child instead of a 30 year old guy. One needs contact with the outside world before turning 17 or 18 and going to college as if falling from the moon, not knowing how to function among people.

Why do you believe that homeschoolers stay at home most of the time? We are a homeschooling family. We do place a priority on getting schoolwork done. However, we regularly play outside in our huge backyard, shop at various stores where I field questions such as “don’t you know what causes that?” and “why aren’t your children in school?”, attend Mass and adoration and interact with the priests, deacons, friends of all ages, visitors, etc., visit the doctor’s and dentist’s offices and interact with the adults and others there, pray in front of the abortion clinic, visit a nursing home and interact with the elderly people, visit the zoo and various museums and interact with adults, employees, and children there on public and private school field trips, visit the library where my children talk to the librarians, attend my Familia group study where my children interact with the caregivers and other children in the nursery from birth to age 7, go to playgrounds where my children interact with the other children there, have playdates at our house and at the homes of friends, etc. Also we are part of a large homeschooling group and my children participate in field trips to various places. My children are some of the most social kids I know, and they didn’t get that way by attending traditional school, because they never have.

Falling from the moon?!? How many homeschooling families do you actually know well??

 

[Joe_5859]

Thank you all so much for the thoughts and feedback. I’m feeling better about the possibility of “regular” school. It’s nice being reminded that should public/private school not work out, we can always homeschool, and visa versa.

I think I may have joined my parish’s homeschooling group a little too soon before really discerning through the issue with my husband. I really want to be “in” with the other homeschooling moms, because I espouse a lot of the same conservative/orthodox Catholic beliefs (even political beliefs), but I’m afraid of being “out” for choosing regular school. I don’t like not being part of “the group” which is an issue of vanity that I struggle with. Lots to think and pray about, but ultimately, I have to do what’s right for my family.

Thank you again

I don’t think there’s a problem with joining the homeschool group. My wife joined our homeschooling group well before our kids were school age. It was a nice network of Catholic moms to get to know and be plugged into. She finds out a lot about different things going on in the community through that group.

I’m glad you’re gaining peace and clarity about this.

 

[rayne89]

Neither should it be ignored that people need to go out to develop properly. They need contact with their peers. It can’t really be contact only with select, isolated groups. But above all, spending all or almost all of one’s time home is not healthy. I’m almost going insane from working home as a freelance professional and extramural scholar and I don’t even want to think what if I were a child instead of a 30 year old guy. One needs contact with the outside world before turning 17 or 18 and going to college as if falling from the moon, not knowing how to function among people.

As a former homeschooling mom it’s easy to spot those who really don’t have experience with the homeschooling community. Your description is so far from the reality of our homeschooling experience and those of homeschoolers we know, it makes you just want to insert an eye roll here. We have a large number of homeschoolers at our parish. I’d say about half of our youth group is comprised of homeschool students. These kids do not spend most of their time at home. They are not isolated.

Now that my daughter is at the high school level I see many homeschooled kids that are close to or are embarking on their college careers. These are well socialized, well rounded, bright, articulate and very often very talented children. We have young adults at our parish who were homeschooled and are now college graduates. They are very successful adults. This whole notion you have is just for lack of a better word is silly.

My daughter entered the public school environment in 9th grade. She has done fantastic academically -far better than I did and I was her primary teacher up until that point. How? Because she had one on one attention. She has a solid family life and a very strong relationship with us. I sought out help for subjects I was weaker in while homeschooling her. She took classes through a homeschool co-op. While she was homeschooled she was a member of girl scouts, she had various lessons (piano, gymnastics ect), went on field trips -the list goes on and on.

As i said she is now a senior in public high school. Her school friends are all secular. None attend church -of any kind. She is somewhat of an enigma to them. But over time they have seen her stand up for what she believes they have come to respect her. Ok I’ve gone on longer that I mean to. I think you get the idea.

 

[BDEklof]

I’m sorry, but that is NOT a “Catholic” book as that is not what the Church teaches. Sounds like you’ve been fed a certain worldview. Now that you have graduated, you might want to go out and find out about things for yourself.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I really don’t think that this type of answer is needed right now.

When a person is emotionally unsure of their actions, throwing in the cro-bar
seldom helps anyhow!

A bit of maturity and self control might be helpful to you here.
Also no one is discussing being part of a certain worldview. God
Himself has ordained parents to be their children’s first teachers,
and it is up to them to decide.

Not to mention you are being nasty for no good reason.

 

[kristacecilia]

I have two children under the age of 3 and my husband and I disagree about homeschooling. He prefers “regular” school, whereas I have always been more in favor of homeschooling (Both hubby and I went to regular and private schools).

Lately however, I’m feeling like I can’t even imagine homeschooling since I work part-time 24 hrs a week). I belong to our parish’s homeschooling group and I feel like the odd duck even having a part time job. I feel that there is an unspoken assumption that if you’re a homeschooling Catholic mom, you’re supposed to be a stay-at-home mom. Don’t get me wrong–I wish I could be a SAH mom, but unfortunately my husband doesn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses: mortgage, student loan debt, food, gas, etc.

Is it even possible to homeschool and work part time? I’m racked with guilt that I am sending my children to the pit of hell if I choose to send them to regular school. Does it have to be so black and white? Thanks for your thoughts

There is nothing wrong with sending your kids to public school if that is the best option FOR YOUR FAMILY. There is nothing wrong with homeschooling if that is what the best option is. I agree with the PP who said that you need to figure out what is ideal for each kid, then how that works into the over all best solution for your family.

Personally, I home school. My kids are 8/3rd grade, 6/1st grade, 4/preschool, 2, and 4 months. Yes, it’s a lot of work. I consider homeschooling/parenting my full time job. So, for me, my day is 6 AM- 830 PM and I am pretty much on duty that entire time. So I don’t know if I could also manage a part time job.

However… you only have two very young children. You have many years before you need to make this decision. Many things can happen between now and then. If it were me, I would commit to homeschooling for one year when my oldest was in kindergarten. That can easily be completed in an hour or less. If I liked how that year went and nothing else had changed, i would commit for grade 1… and so forth. If things weren’t going well, I would re-evaluate.

 

[kristacecilia]

My thoughts are that the good of the children should always be the deciding factor. Not the “fruition” of the parents’ idealistic imaginations, ideological statements, let alone any experimentation. We blame education boards and similar authorities for experimenting on our children, we can’t be doing the same on our own! If we have the qualifications to make sure the children are educated better in-house than in a public or private school, or if we have pressing economic or other overwhelming reasons, that’s one thing. If we just want to make a statement or are feeling countercultural, then that’s another cup of tea altogether.

(For the record, when children go to a public or private school, that too requires a good deal of “homeschooling”, e.g. help with homework, study, preparation for tests, discovering optimal methods of learning and self-study, finding motivation, explaining something in a way the child will understand when the teacher can’t really etc.)

Next, it must be noted that parents need proper qualifications to be able to teach the more academic subjects at an appropriate level and in a way that works. How many grades can one teach of all the subjects that are on the curriculum? Even in one’s own field this is so hard that not every person with a degree or experience in the field can do it. Teaching children, as opposed to adult students of whom more can be required and who have worked out their own methods, is basically a job on its own, an interdisciplinary field in its own right. There is a reason people get degrees in it.

Neither should it be ignored that people need to go out to develop properly. They need contact with their peers. It can’t really be contact only with select, isolated groups. But above all, spending all or almost all of one’s time home is not healthy. I’m almost going insane from working home as a freelance professional and extramural scholar and I don’t even want to think what if I were a child instead of a 30 year old guy. One needs contact with the outside world before turning 17 or 18 and going to college as if falling from the moon, not knowing how to function among people.

Chev,

With all due respect… I think you have the wrong idea of what homeschooling is. I can elaborate on this more if you are interested, but right now my kids need me.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Just a quick reminder to the OP…

Home schooling does not mean “school at home.” So much of the institutional school day is spent (no offense to teachers, but I would say “wasted”) just moving kids from one place to another, breaking the learning into discrete blocks, that may or may not relate to each other…Believe me, you can do all the school your kids will EVER need in 4-6 hours, and the 6 hours is for high school kids doing college level work. You won’t need formal schooling until around 2nd grade, really. A lot of the kids I taught in 1st grade still really needed a nap in the afternoon and I always wanted a half-day first grade for my sons. LIFE is teaching kids so much, without having to sit them down with a workbook and math manipulatives!

What I loved about home schooling (which I never got to experience directly) is that all the learning can take place when the student is fresh and rested, and the school day or formal work can end before the student is burnt to a crisp and ready to crumble. For years, I would feel like crying when I got my sons home from school, tired, overwhelmed, ready to tantrum, and yet…they had homework to do. They’d been in the school building for 7 hours and they STILL needed to bring work home??? What was happening in their classrooms??? And then I started substitute teaching, and I learned exactly what happens, and what doesn’t happen.

Anyway, just pray, and remember that home schooling is not just replacing the school building with your home.