Feeling bad about disappointing stepmother

[Allegra]

Yes.

Watch out for your dad and make sure nothing weird is happening with him.

Dad’s in perfect health and he’s never been the subject of her compulsive behavior. I’d be lying, though, if I didn’t say I’ve been a little bit concerned about grandma. (My step-mother’s mother) She’s been legitimately sick with cancer and is apparently in remission, but she can’t seem to stay healthy unless she is living with my step-mother. Whenever she goes home, she gets sick after only a few weeks and has to go back to the hospital. My step-mother says that she doesn’t take care of herself when she’s alone, doesn’t eat properly, doesn’t remember her medications, etc, which could be legit. (The woman is over 75) But I cringe at all her facebook posts about how only she can take care of her mother properly.

 

[Allegra]

I think a lot of suggestions have been right on. But I will add that you should not leave your child unsupervised with this person until you have figured this out more. A person who is acting this way may have a need to be needed which can lead to actually hurting a child in some cases.

SHe’s never really unsupervised. My dad is always there. I don’t think he’d allow her to hurt the kids. (My neice is always there on Tuesdays as well.) When we decide that she can go back, it’s going to be with the contingency that my dad does all the diaper changes and she is only to wear the clothes that we bring for her! No more checking facebook to find photos of my child in my sister’s old clothes!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Dad’s in perfect health and he’s never been the subject of her compulsive behavior. I’d be lying, though, if I didn’t say I’ve been a little bit concerned about grandma. (My step-mother’s mother) She’s been legitimately sick with cancer and is apparently in remission, but she can’t seem to stay healthy unless she is living with my step-mother. Whenever she goes home, she gets sick after only a few weeks and has to go back to the hospital. My step-mother says that she doesn’t take care of herself when she’s alone, doesn’t eat properly, doesn’t remember her medications, etc, which could be legit. (The woman is over 75) But I cringe at all her facebook posts about how only she can take care of her mother properly.

This just moved from a casual thread and a caution to an outright red flag. I think this is an issue for something other than CAF posters now…

 

[Allegra]

This screams of the beginnings Münchausen syndrome by proxy to me.

Fortunately, there are enough legitimatly sick and needy people around that she has not had to go this route yet. My step-siblings both have mental illness to some degree and my brother is paralized. Her sister is intellectually disabled and the care of her niece with down-syndrome often falls to her. (Not the daily needs kind of care, but her sister often counts on her to help her with medical stuff, paper work, dealing with the social worker and school, etc.) She also has her elderly mother, who is recently in remission from cancer. So, a lot more members of the family will have to move to Colorado before she need going poisoning and hurting people to get attention.

 

[Allegra]

This just moved from a casual thread and a caution to an outright red flag. I think this is an issue for something other than CAF posters now…

It wouldn’t be the first time an elderly widow didn’t take care of herself while living at home alone. She also get well when she was in the assited living facility. (Though she hated it with a passion.) There are nurses and therapists visiting as well on a regular basis and they don’t seem to think anything is wrong. She gets regular bloodwork done and the haven’t found anything suspicious. I don’t think my step-mother is actively doing anything to hurt her mother or make her sick. I just think that these care-giving relationships aren’t healthy for her. She gets obsessed with taking care of people and she crosses boundaries and tries to control people while doing it. It also wouldn’t surprise me if her mother does get depressed all alone in that house and forgets to take care of herself and she seems pretty happy to be chilling out on my parents’ sofa and receiving an endless supply of homecooked meals and rootbeer floats.