Feeling different than others (in a bad way)?

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Walterross

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Hi all. I’m having some struggles with my day to day life as a catholic college student. One of the hardest parts about being a catholic college student, and a catholic in general, is feeling different than the rest of the world, and trying to evangelize. I feel like there are hardly any students that follow church teachings, much less are devout catholics. This causes me to feel lonely. I don’t go to parties because of the near occasion of sin (sex, drugs, underage drinking) but I also tend to avoid social gatherings in general. I am a shy person, but I think the main thing holding me back from getting myself out there is the fear of rejection. It seems like almost every “group” conversation I’ve had in college, (eating at a lunch table, hangouts, etc.) has had talks about hooking up or partying or getting drunk. I may get invited and then get made fun of for declining due to my faith. “God isn’t real!” or “No sex? Dude are you gay?” or even the avoidance of me when I’m seen by others who I’ve revealed my faith to. I’m seen as a debby downer or “boring.” I’ve seen many experiences like this and discourages me from reaching out to others, in fear of eventually falling into sin to “fit in” (which I don’t want to do) or being left hanging. I realize God wants us to go out into the world to evangelize, but it’s the hardest thing ever. Most might make fun or even mock behind my back, I’m not sure. But I’m just wondering if anyone else out there has had this lonely feeling of being catholic, when everyone else around you might judge you for it? I realize Jesus said that the world hated him first, so it’s expected, but it makes me almost want to avoid living life! Is this fear of sin normal? I do go to school and work and do fun things, but this fear makes me hesitant to reach out to new people and try new things in fear of being made fun of for my faith. I want to have a wife and kids someday, and want to live life but without being damned in the end? I know this question is all over the place but has anyone had similar struggles?
 
Also, don’t even get me started on being a conservative in a college campus vs the plethora of liberals. Also being pro-life is hard when everyone else is pro-choice.
 
I don’t know if I can cover all the topics that you did in your post, as you said it was a bit scattered, but I thought I’d let you know that you aren’t alone. I went to a Catholic college and I still felt alone for not wanting to party and do other things on top of being in line with Catholic social issues. I’d like to say it didn’t bother me, because I feel like there’s a social pressure where we’re supposed to all feel confident in what we do/think to the point of not caring about others’ opinions, but honestly it did.

The only advice I can give is what I eventually ended up doing myself; I stopped caring as much. (I used to roll my eyes at people who said this so I find this ironic.) I also took the view that if a friend was going to make fun of me or drag me through the mud in front of people due to my faith then it was fine to just let them go even if that meant I was alone for a while. I’m reserved on my own and I would just spend that time either studying more, in prayer, or both while allowing the Lord to guide me in life and never closing myself off from encountering people.

It took some time and me trying small comments in social situations, but I eventually worked up to the point where I was fine saying something that I knew the rest of my group would disagree with me on. That sense and fear of plunging in knowing you’re going to be alone hasn’t gone away, but I can deal with it now even if the comments that sometimes follow still hurt. Just remember, Jesus spent his ministry with people trying to find things to complain about for him and get him in trouble while all he wanted to do was help us; unite all that hurt with him and just ask him for guidance. Go to Our Lady for a hug if you need a mother’s comfort. The nice thing about doing that though is the friends I have made, while definitely not agreeing with me, are all perfectly fine just discussing our disagreements and letting the issue lie when we get to a point where the conversations can’t go further. They don’t make jabs at me and instead they trust me to answer some of the questions about Catholicism they’ve been holding onto for years.

The Lord has a plan for you. Allow him to lead you and trust that your hardships will only make you stronger. Don’t hide away from the world; just be prepared to get up and walk away when everyone else is telling you to stay if things should go wrong. Search out those groups and clubs on campus that let you socialize without the parties. My campus had different dance clubs (ballroom, swing, jazz, etc), martial arts, crafting, monthly book clubs, social outreach, etc. God placed us in the world so that He can shine forth from us. Be that light on a hill leading others to Christ when they need someone to turn to. Just remember, evangelization doesn’t mean you have to constantly be verbally telling people about the faith. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide for when you should say something, don’t think you have to directly confront each individual person’s sin as you see it.
 
Thank you so much for your reply. Even just knowing that there are others out there experiencing/have experienced this makes me feel tons better. I will definitely try to do what you’ve suggested. Again, thank you!
 
You’re welcome! I know that it shouldn’t feel like much, but even just someone telling me “hey, I’ve been there” even if I don’t know them it kinda helps tamp down that feeling of being alone. For me that sense of loneliness always had me feeling jittery and antsy, like I should be actively working on myself because “obviously” something was wrong with me and I should fix it. Once I met people who just sighed and went “I know right?!” I found it much easier to work through which feeling were peer pressure and what were actual observations of myself that could use a bit of work.

I’m praying for you to stay strong in your faith. I don’t miss the college scene at all.
 
Exactly! Couldn’t have said it better myself. Thanks again, have a great rest of your day!
 
Is there a pro-life club you can join? It might even be a better place to meet like-minded people than the campus chapel.
 
I wish! My school is super small so even the school chapel is small so yeah 😦
 
A pro_life group is a great idea. But, also maybe you should give up the idea of evangelizing for the time being. Don’t lie to fit in, but don’t go too far out of your way to share your beliefs. Even devout Catholics sometimes disagree with each other. Do things that interest you. You’ll meet people you have something in common with, maybe more. And, unless what they’re saying is obviously mocking or sinful, listen to others

You may find more kindred souls on campus than you expect.
 
Hi Walter, some thoughts from a non-Catholic.

Sounds to be as if the main thing you need to change is the people you hang out with. Not every student is obsessed with drinking/parties/other things I don’t want to know.

But you do need to go out more, to social gatherings of your choice. There will be some that do not involve drinking etc, you just need to find some. Are there societies you could join? Perhaps there is some volunteering work you could do which would let you meet other people.
Walterross said:
I also tend to avoid social gatherings in general. I am a shy person, but I think the main thing holding me back from getting myself out there is the fear of rejection.
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You just need to go for it. Don’t overthink it. If you do get invited to another party, you could always say something along the lines of “no thanks, but maybe we could meet for coffee (or an activity of your choice) on X?”.

I really do recommend you meet (and start hanging out with) new people. I had a group of friends who were similar in talking only about drinking/hooking up etc. The thing they don’t realise just how boring it is to listen to! And then I met new people and did new things with them. I didn’t worry about rejection or their reaction if I talked about things that mattered to me. Why? Because they felt like my people. We had similar interests and we liked each other. None of us had an interest in drinking, so we did things we enjoyed.

Your people are out there, I promise! But if you don’t go to many social gatherings and you overthink being rejected, you’ll never find them.

I wonder also, how it is you’re trying to evangelise? Perhaps your approach is influencing how the people you hang around with react. That being said, if someone tries to demean or disparage your faith, they are being incredibly rude. Don’t feel like you have to accept it because you’re the minority.
 
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Thanks man, I will try to do these things as well! Yeah when you put it that way it does make sense. I won’t find any friends staying in a box all day haha. I will definitely remember what you said as well. Thanks for taking the time to reply!
 
We follow a crucified master. If I were to print even half of the things I was called when I was younger I would be banned.
 
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