Feeling discouraged and lost

  • Thread starter Thread starter PatsWife922
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

PatsWife922

Guest
Hello CAF -

I have visited these forums off and on for many years. I feel badly that I always seem to turn here when things are bad.

I will give you the 5-second background. As you see below, I am a wife and mother. I have been struglling with bulimia and disordered eating for a lot of my life.

I was in a very bad spot ~2-3 years ago. Went through some very intensive eating disorder treatment, started recovery, and got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. I had been in recovery for almost 2 years and started to slip.

Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.

Days like today - God’s voice feels very far off. All I can hear is my own self-loathing.

I have heard many times to allow God to fight this battle for me, to let go and let God, to give it up to Him. I cannot tell you how BADLY I want to do this - yet I don’t know how. I literally cannot wrap my brain around how I just allow Him to work in this.

I am just asking for words of support.
 
What is interesting about what you wrote is that it is very similar sounding to depression. The negative self-talk and self-hatred. Did something in particular trigger this newer time period where you started to slip?

Do anti-depressants help you? Therapy? Group Therapy?

You are not alone.
 
PatsWife922 said:
Hello CAF -

I have visited these forums off and on for many years. I feel badly that I always seem to turn here when things are bad.

I will give you the 5-second background. As you see below, I am a wife and mother. I have been struglling with bulimia and disordered eating for a lot of my life.

I was in a very bad spot ~2-3 years ago. Went through some very intensive eating disorder treatment, started recovery, and got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. I had been in recovery for almost 2 years and started to slip.

Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.

Days like today - God’s voice feels very far off. All I can hear is my own self-loathing.

I have heard many times to allow God to fight this battle for me, to let go and let God, to give it up to Him. I cannot tell you how BADLY I want to do this - yet I don’t know how. I literally cannot wrap my brain around how I just allow Him to work in this.

I am just asking for words of support.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry you are going through this. I am no expert in bulimia, but I have heard that those kids of things are only symptoms of other underlying issues in your life. What makes you feel this way? Does something seem to spark it?

You must be suffering quite a bit to put yourself through this kind of torment. You have a child that loves you no matter how you look, and you must keep yourself healthy for the sake of that child. Bulimia is hard on your body and it will only lead to more suffering.

I will remember you in my prayers tonight. You will have to find a new way of viewing your body. Try imagining yourself as in the image of God. His design is beautiful- your body is perfect as it is. He does not make mistakes. Do not torture yourself by looking at images in magazines. Do not dwell on the so-called perfection you see on tv.
Watch this clip from Dove. It shows how they take an average looking person and then transform her into what you see on billboards. Its not real. You are real.

youtube.com/watch?v=IHqzlxGGJFo
 
I see you lost a child I’m very sorry. Usually people with body dismorphic feelings have very little wrong with their bodies but are perfectionists, I’m not saying this is you. All I can say is God loves you , and he made you, and he loves you very much. I hope you had a good physical exam with lab work and that. I often think medical first. Anyway I pray that you realize how just very special you are, and learn to take these negative thoughts captive right away, only think on good things about your life. God Bless You and your family.
 
PatsWife922 said:
Hello CAF -

I have visited these forums off and on for many years. I feel badly that I always seem to turn here when things are bad.

I will give you the 5-second background. As you see below, I am a wife and mother. I have been struglling with bulimia and disordered eating for a lot of my life.

I was in a very bad spot ~2-3 years ago. Went through some very intensive eating disorder treatment, started recovery, and got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. I had been in recovery for almost 2 years and started to slip.

Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.

Days like today - God’s voice feels very far off. All I can hear is my own self-loathing.

I have heard many times to allow God to fight this battle for me, to let go and let God, to give it up to Him. I cannot tell you how BADLY I want to do this - yet I don’t know how. I literally cannot wrap my brain around how I just allow Him to work in this.

I am just asking for words of support.
Click to expand...
I can tell from your post that you’re a loving wife and mother. And a loving wife and mother is always beautiful! Don’t be discouraged. I don’t share the same experiences but like another CAF member has said, it sounds like you have depression and you should seek help for your condition.

I will pray for you.
 
I am not sure if the following will be words of encouragement as you seek, but they are my thoughts upon reading your comments and they are honest.

You ID yourself with anothers name. Who are you? To help yourself, first start with yourself - your identity - what makes you, you. Yes, you are Patswife, but before Pat you were not, and without a “you” how can you be fixed?

If you were to ask GOD, LORD who am I ? HE would respond - you are MY daughter. I made you and gave you MY spirit which is eternal and a gift of love. MY SON JESUS is your adopted BROTHER and you are a member of OUR HOLY FAMILY. I watch you each and every day, and I pick you up when you fall. What I have made is beautiful and I have made you.

I would suggest you memorize the 27th Pslam, which teaches us to Trust in the LORD.
And I would suggest you meditate on the Passion of our LORD, WHO fell three times, but always got up. We all fail, but failure teaches us humility, strength and resolve - if we are grounded in the LORD. And each day, begin by asking GOD to help you understand that you are a child of GOD and to teach you what that means in your life and yourself.
 
PatsWife922 said:
Hello CAF -

I have visited these forums off and on for many years. I feel badly that I always seem to turn here when things are bad.

I will give you the 5-second background. As you see below, I am a wife and mother. I have been struglling with bulimia and disordered eating for a lot of my life.

I was in a very bad spot ~2-3 years ago. Went through some very intensive eating disorder treatment, started recovery, and got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. I had been in recovery for almost 2 years and started to slip.

Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.

Days like today - God’s voice feels very far off. All I can hear is my own self-loathing.

I have heard many times to allow God to fight this battle for me, to let go and let God, to give it up to Him. I cannot tell you how BADLY I want to do this - yet I don’t know how. I literally cannot wrap my brain around how I just allow Him to work in this.

I am just asking for words of support.
Click to expand...
Words of support. I know you can’t believe this right now, but God doesn’t love you based on how much you weigh. If you got to your ideal weight and stayed there, He wouldn’t love you any more, and if you never got to that weight, and were overweight from now now, He wouldn’t love you any less. There is nothing you can do to earn His love, and there is nothing you can do to lose His love. Isn’t it amazing?

Are you in therapy now? I suggest that you go back to therapy and work out where that voice is coming from, the one that tells you that you are fat and ugly and not worth love. When you can get that voice out in the open and argue with it, and hear Jesus whispering how much He loves you, you will heal.

:grouphug:

I am so sorry that you lost your little one.
 
No great words of wisdom from me on this subject ;). But I will pray for you:)
 
Patswife-

My heart goes out to you. :hug1: I struggled with a binge eating disorder since my early teens, with many of the same thoughts and struggles that you are going through. Please know that there is a way out. Please know that the belittling voice in your head is not from God. Please know that God is closer to you than you are to yourself. Please know that you are loved by Love Himself.

In 2010, I finally had enough. I was done with everything that was associated with my eating disorder… I wanted no part of it. I cried out to God for help, and He poured out His abundant grace. Every week, I went to confession. Every week, as often as I could, I received Him in the Holy Eucharist. Finally, in November 2010, I received the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick. Since then, I have not had any desire to return to my eating disorder. It has been hard work, but that is why I continue to go to Confession weekly and receive the Holy Eucharist several days a week.

Before receiving the Anointing of the Sick, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be rid of my eating disorder. It has been quite the humbling experience to see how intensely God has worked on me, and He will do the same for you. In Him, hope abounds.

PM me if you would like. Know that you and your family are in my prayers.

P.S. You are beautiful! 🙂
 
PatsWife922 said:
Hello CAF -

I have visited these forums off and on for many years. I feel badly that I always seem to turn here when things are bad.

I will give you the 5-second background. As you see below, I am a wife and mother. I have been struglling with bulimia and disordered eating for a lot of my life.

I was in a very bad spot ~2-3 years ago. Went through some very intensive eating disorder treatment, started recovery, and got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. I had been in recovery for almost 2 years and started to slip.

Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.

Days like today - God’s voice feels very far off. All I can hear is my own self-loathing.

I have heard many times to allow God to fight this battle for me, to let go and let God, to give it up to Him. I cannot tell you how BADLY I want to do this - yet I don’t know how. I literally cannot wrap my brain around how I just allow Him to work in this.

I am just asking for words of support.
Click to expand...
Please, please don’t despise yourself. God loves you very much. That’s why He created you. He made you in His image, and He thinks that you are beautiful.

You are not fat or ugly, and I’m sure that not everyone who looks at you thinks you are fat and ugly. I’ll bet your husband and daughter, for instance, think that you are gorgeous:D

Please don’t think of yourself as unworthy of love or acceptance. Everyone, regardless of appearance, deserves to be treated with love and acceptance. I assume that you wouldn’t treat someone else badly just because you thought they were overweight, so, as hard as it may be, don’t treat yourself badly just because you think that you are fat and ugly (especially because you aren’t fat and ugly).

Try to remember, as hard as it may be to do so, that you don’t have to be perfect. God loves you despite your failings, so try to love yourself despite your shortcomings. While the fact that nobody can be perfect isn’t an excuse not to do our best, it is important to not beat ourselves up too much when we are doing our best work and things may not be turning out as we might like them. If you are doing the best you can, you are not a failure, and, by doing the best you can, you are good enough already:thumbsup:

God could never become sick of you. He created you with the hope of spending eternity with you. I’m sure that He likes hearing you thank Him for blessings (and prayer can be a great time to build gratitude and ease stress by focusing on things to be thankful for) but He also wants to hear your troubles and requests. He wants to have a relationship with you, so He doesn’t mind hearing about any troubles that you want to tell Him about. He always wants to hear what you have to say to Him.

May God bless you and your family abundantly. May His love ever grow in your heart.
 
First - I just want to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers.

Secondly - I apologize for posting and not coming back for two days. I posted just before I left work on Friday and just haven’t had a chance to return until now.

Mamaslo - I do have depression/anxiety and I am on zoloft. I had been trying to decrease my dosage, but I have a feeling what I am on now is probably not enough and I may need to go up one level. I hate the idea of going up a dosage again, but I also have to recognize the neccessity of medication.

Rini - I was moved by your post. I am on a regular schedule of confession once per month and I get to mass at least twice a week. I have never thought about anointing before - mostly because I never thought it was for mental illnesses.

I have a meeting with my priest tomorrow evening. I will plan to ask him his advice about anointing and other spiritual exercises that may help.

I also feel called to get a holy hour once a week somewhere.

Again - thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement.
 
If you need it, then you need it. Go talk to your doctor. If Zoloft has other side-effects that are bad then tell him that and try something else.

Don’t worry about taking something good for you that helps.
 
PatsWife922 said:
Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.
Click to expand...
Please make appointments with the physician(s) and therapist(s) who are assisting you with the bullimia. Like ASAP.

Luna
 
PatsWife922 said:
Hello CAF -

I have visited these forums off and on for many years. I feel badly that I always seem to turn here when things are bad.

I will give you the 5-second background. As you see below, I am a wife and mother. I have been struglling with bulimia and disordered eating for a lot of my life.

I was in a very bad spot ~2-3 years ago. Went through some very intensive eating disorder treatment, started recovery, and got pregnant with our beautiful daughter. I had been in recovery for almost 2 years and started to slip.

Right now - I just despise myself. I think I am fat and ugly. I think everyone who looks at me also thinks I am fat and ugly. I feel unworthy of love or acceptance. I feel as though I am not good enough and never will be. I often believe that God is sick of me and sick of my whining and complaining. My interior is a battlefield - a constant pull between God’s voice and my false beliefs.

Days like today - God’s voice feels very far off. All I can hear is my own self-loathing.

I have heard many times to allow God to fight this battle for me, to let go and let God, to give it up to Him. I cannot tell you how BADLY I want to do this - yet I don’t know how. I literally cannot wrap my brain around how I just allow Him to work in this.

I am just asking for words of support.
Click to expand...
I am sooo glad that you posted here on the forums! I am adding you to the top of my prayer list.

I struggled horribly with an eating disorder for 5-6 years. Started out as anorexia, but then fell head first into bulimia. But God used it to reel me in and make me a better person. It was during the eating disorder years that I learned how horrible it is to be a slave to something in this world. In our case, we are slaves to the scale and nutrition labels.

It has now been over a year since my last bulimic binge. How did I do it? Prayer! I prayed a lot! It didn’t happen overnight, I slipped up a lot at first. But every time that I had a bulimic binge, afterward I would fall on my knees and beg forgiveness. That way, I could start with a clean slate. Do you go to confession? I would encourage you to go every week or as soon as possible after you cave and have a binge.

Do you know what triggers your binges? It is really important that you avoid whatever it is that sets you off. If you can tell you are about to slip up, say a quick prayer asking for the strength you need to overcome temptation.

I hope this helps, and I hope you haven’t lost too many of your teeth yet. I lost three of my molars… Ouch!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top