Feeling down about 'vocation' (lengthy post)

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akrapovic

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Hello all, I’m new here so please forgive any stupid mistakes I may have made.

I think I’m feeling called to the priesthood. I’m sixteen, nearly seventeen. However, I have a massive problem. I believe that I’m homosexual. I’ve never been actively involved with the gay lifestyle/gay agenda in any way, shape or form. I fully uphold the church’s teaching on homosexuality and the sanctity of marriage. I had come to accept the fact that’ll I’ll have to remain celibate my entire life, although I struggled with it initially. I’ve always for as long as I can remember wanted to be a priest. Everybody I know thinks I should too. I go to mass daily, attend confessions weekly and pray the rosary every day. I used to watch pornography, but by the grace of God I’ve been able to give it up and I pray everyday that I’ll never return. However, I was looking through these forums to see whether it’s okay for ‘homosexual’ men to become priests. I don’t even know if I am homosexual or not. I would say with 80% certainty I am, but I’m still unsure. I think it’s very upsetting the negative attitude many catholics have towards many of those with SSA. It’s in the news recently about how the Catholic Church should apologise to homosexuals. I agree to an extent. I don’t want to condemn or judge anyone, but even with my own family (they don’t know I’m gay) have referred to individuals with SSA as ‘disgusting’, and other demeaning adjectives. I fully appreciate everybody has their cross to carry but often they get support in doing so. Many chaste and celibate homosexuals are discriminated against on the ground of their sexuality and are viewed by catholics as firstly homosexual, instead of catholic and children of God. I think the church needs to be more accepting and sympathetic towards the unique struggle of individuals with SSA and this is why the Pope says we must apologise. I disagree that we should apologise for not conforming to the gay agenda and gay marriage but our treatment of gay individuals hasn’t always been as equals in the sense of treating them with the same dignity as human beings made in the image and likeness of God.

So I’m feeling a little down about the realisation that I shouldn’t become a priest. It feels like everything I feel called to, or all that feels natural in me is regarded as disordered and wrong. I feel torn. I know I’ll never live the gay lifestyle but I would never want to defile the priesthood with my disorderedness. I wish somebody could give me even a glimmer of hope about the future. I have no kids to look forward to, no family and I feel that my church doesn’t accept me. I’m an only child so I can’t imagine how lonely I’ll become. I ask for your prayers, and would love a response from somebody in a similar situation. I apologise for the lengthy post, but I really hope and pray that God guides the right person to read and respond.

God Bless you all.
 
Let’s just concentrate on being God’s friend, and continue with the sacraments and sacramentals. I would add wearing a Green Scapular with St. Benedict medal blessed for exorcism, in case you’ve confused “disordered” with temptation. Wear that, in addition to the Five Fold Scapular with Miraculous Medal. Add an extra rosary, if you can.

I can sense your loneliness, but you’re not alone. Just remember that we are to respect everyone, male or female. God and His Will come first. You are His One and Only. Each of us is.

The church usually prefers that you’ve spent three good years controlling your desires before approaching the seminary. In the meantime, do well in school, and if you’re going to go to college, get a general studies degree.

I knew a celibate gay man who became a deacon. I also know of a Camaldolese Oblate who died a holy death from AIDS. As long as the impulses are controllable, and not ‘deep seated’ you should be ok.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
Cloisters said:
Let’s just concentrate on being God’s friend, and continue with the sacraments and sacramentals. I would add wearing a Green Scapular with St. Benedict medal blessed for exorcism, in case you’ve confused “disordered” with temptation. Wear that, in addition to the Five Fold Scapular with Miraculous Medal. Add an extra rosary, if you can.

I can sense your loneliness, but you’re not alone. Just remember that we are to respect everyone, male or female. God and His Will come first. You are His One and Only. Each of us is.

The church usually prefers that you’ve spent three good years controlling your desires before approaching the seminary. In the meantime, do well in school, and if you’re going to go to college, get a general studies degree.

I knew a celibate gay man who became a deacon. I also know of a Camaldolese Oblate who died a holy death from AIDS. As long as the impulses are controllable, and not ‘deep seated’ you should be ok.

Blessings,
Cloisters
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Firstly, thanks a lot for the reply! I wear the brown scapular but I’ll try and get a green one too. I admit I’m confused. If you asked me four years ago I’d have said I was straight. Two years ago I’d say I was gay. I dunno. I always felt romantically straight at the very least. I hope this is just a temptation tied in with puberty. I hope and I pray.

I wouldn’t be allowed to go to seminary for another 5 years at least (school). This was a throwaway account so I’m not actually from the USA. I’d like to become a deacon. I’ve maybe become disillusioned by all the posts on here condemning gay priests 😦

God Bless.
 
akrapovic said:
Firstly, thanks a lot for the reply! I wear the brown scapular but I’ll try and get a green one too. I admit I’m confused. If you asked me four years ago I’d have said I was straight. Two years ago I’d say I was gay. I dunno. I always felt romantically straight at the very least. I hope this is just a temptation tied in with puberty. I hope and I pray.

I wouldn’t be allowed to go to seminary for another 5 years at least (school). This was a throwaway account so I’m not actually from the USA. I’d like to become a deacon. I’ve maybe become disillusioned by all the posts on here condemning gay priests 😦

God Bless.
Click to expand...
Probably/hopefully just a phase.

If you can find a Five Fold Scapular, that has not just the Brown (Carmelite), but the Red (Sacred Passion); White (Trinitarian); Black (Servite); and Blue (Immaculate Conception) scapulars, as well. You’ll receive graces from all of those, from not only increased devotion to the Sacred Passion and Our Lady’s 7 Sorrows, but also to the Most Holy Trinity and the Immaculate Conception. The more you meditate on those subjects, the greater horror sin brings.

The only gay priests I try not to judge are those who seem unable to control their pedophilia. I know not all gay priests are bad men. If you become a deacon, you won’t be able to marry, though.

If you can’t find a spiritual director (the Jesuit system), bone up on the spiritual classics and check in with a confessor if there’s a problem (the Dominican system).

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
Cloisters said:
Probably/hopefully just a phase.

If you can find a Five Fold Scapular, that has not just the Brown (Carmelite), but the Red (Sacred Passion); White (Trinitarian); Black (Servite); and Blue (Immaculate Conception) scapulars, as well. You’ll receive graces from all of those, from not only increased devotion to the Sacred Passion and Our Lady’s 7 Sorrows, but also to the Most Holy Trinity and the Immaculate Conception. The more you meditate on those subjects, the greater horror sin brings.

The only gay priests I try not to judge are those who seem unable to control their pedophilia. I know not all gay priests are bad men. If you become a deacon, you won’t be able to marry, though.

If you can’t find a spiritual director (the Jesuit system), bone up on the spiritual classics and check in with a confessor if there’s a problem (the Dominican system).

Blessings,

Cloisters
Click to expand...
I feel I have to take issue with part of your reply to our OP. Gay men do not become paedophiles unless they are paedophiles - no more than straight men become paedophiles.

The links which are often made on here between being gay and being a paedophile are very unhelpful, to say the least.

I hope our OP finds happiness and spiritual fulfilment in whichever path he eventually follows.
 
Isca said:
I feel I have to take issue with part of your reply to our OP. Gay men do not become paedophiles unless they are paedophiles - no more than straight men become paedophiles.

The links which are often made on here between being gay and being a paedophile are very unhelpful, to say the least.

I hope our OP finds happiness and spiritual fulfilment in whichever path he eventually follows.
Click to expand...
I hope he finds happiness with God’s will, wherever that takes him.

Being a victim of a “straight” pedophile (he had probably the “undifferentiated” version because his sons complained of him), I take exception to your pointed rebuff.

There were Communist infiltrators in the seminaries – pedophiles with the mission of ruining the church’s reputation. I don’t judge as a rule because the Bible says not to. I hope the pedophiles – gay or straight – get the help they need. What they’ve done is wrong, and I find myself – and everyone else for that matter – on the curative end of the proverbial stick.

Blessings,
Cloisters
 
I think you wanting and being called to the priesthood is admirable.

I would say that the best course of action would be to speak to a priest in confidence about all of this. If you already have a spiritual director or regular confessor, speak to him about all of this.
 
Praying for you. There have been chaste, holy priests who struggled with same sex attraction but never acted upon it. Don’t give up. If you are called to be a priest, God will find a way for you.

As other posters have said, find a good, holy priest to talk to about this. God bless you.
 
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