Feeling extremely lonely. How to deal?

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Kindness said:
When we find it hard to make friends a good idea is to join a group whose focus is to help others, then the focus is off ourselves and even forming friendships is not the first priority but they will naturally evolve as you work alongside each other.
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I agree very much. And of course, a good dose of patience is required, because it takes time for a friendship to evolve.

Presenting a petition for friends in front of the Blessed Sacrament can be very powerful too. I did so after moving to a new city, and made some marvelous friends after praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament specifically for that intention. Stay alert for opportunities mentioned or suggested by others–someone might say something that is not necessarily a formal invitation, but perhaps someone might mention an activity or event that is of interest to you. You could then follow up with the person about what they mentioned if you find such an activity or event scheduled in the future.
 
I know the feeling of loneliness very well. I find that mass helps.

Depression has controlled my life for the past two years and is creeping back up on me again but I’m just hoping I can continue to go to Mass and pray to get through it.

I highly recommend reading!
 
detoutcoeur said:
Hi Christa,

I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time right now. You sound very uncomfortable in your parish. Is there a Newman Center at your college, or another parish you could go to instead? Or a convent or monastery with Masses open to the public?
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Yes, actually I have Masses I can attend. And after my choir ends for the summer, I am going to be leaving for a different parish. Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me!
 
crystal_waters said:
Why does your parents having physical disabilities make it hard to spend time with them? You can sit and watch a movie on tv with them cant you?
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Thank you for taking the time to comment! 🙂

We can sit together and watch movies, but a lot of times they are too tired for that. It is not always this bad, but they go through bouts of it where they will just sleep. I totally understand and feel terrible for their situation. I have always tried to care for them to the best of my ability. They are amazing, loving, and supportive parents. It’s just that, sometimes it is even hard to do simple things at home with them, because they are overly tired.
 
Kindness said:
I would suggest getting involved in some kind of service work such as St. Vincent De Paul (SVDP). When we find it hard to make friends a good idea is to join a group whose focus is to help others, then the focus is off ourselves and even forming friendships is not the first priority but they will naturally evolve as you work alongside each other.

Also, do you have any activities you enjoy outside church? I second any form of movement or exercise as a stress reliever and mood enhancer. There must be tons of clubs and societies at your school try and see if there’s any kind of activity that you enjoy (film club, hiking, cooking, befriending international students etc.). If you do not find your mood lifting or you find it hard to join other groups of people I would suggest you talk to a counselor in student services and make sure you are not experiencing depression. There any many ways that depression can be helped and you can recover but do not remain isolated, reach out to others and if necessary see a counselor.
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Thank you very much for your thoughtful response!

To answer your question…no, I do not really have any other activities that I belong to lol. I try to keep my mind occupied by learning new things. Lately, I have taken an interest in cryptography, and I have been reading about it. However, I would like to get involved in some sort of group this summer. The only problem is that my area does not have too many activities to offer. I’ll look into it, though 🙂
 
altms said:
Oh Christa, I’m so sorry, I kinda know how that feels. I had lots of friends during my 3 years in university, especially some I labelled my best friends ever. Come 2012, the year after our graduation, it’s all changed for the worst.

One got married and sort of cut contact. That one hit me really really hard, as she sort of didn’t want anything to do with me after her engagement. For no good reason. Dunno whether her husband doesn’t rate me…But it left me really lonely. She gave birth in January but hasn’t mentioned a word. So much for being my best friend lol.

And she isn’t the only one. A few more friends have cut contact or have become extremely flakey. :confused:

So last year, no job and no friends, I just gave up on that concept and entered swimming classes, and concentrated on the Olympics. Got my mind off things, till when I finally landed myself a job.

Trust me it still hits home when I come back from work on Saturday and resort to football on the telly, and a whole day at home on Sunday when I return from church. No outings or someone for company. No girlfriend while all your close friends are busy with marriage plans.

I’ve decided just to have fun all by myself, love myself first and be content with myself, and I advise you to do the same. I go to restaurants alone, to exhibitions alone, to movies alone. No need to wait for no one. Are you into sport Christa? Please join one, really really helps.
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Thank you very much for your response! I am sorry you have to go through the same struggles!

To answer your question, I am actually quite good at basketball. Problem is, I am self taught and do not really know any of the rules lol. I would love to join a team, though. I know that staying physically active can help immensely, as I used to be a dancer, and that was the happiest time in my life.
 
I can’t help but put in my two cents worth. 🙂 Yes, everyone goes thru periods of loneliness and it is hard yes. I get lonely all the time but I keep busy doing things on the internet, and doing housework. I am a freelance certified web & graphic designer but I am having a hard time finding work online cuz I just came to the realization that there is just too much competition out there in the world for my area of expertise. lol. But I am glad I got the education to do this and always wanted to know how to do websites and such.

I have friends but none of them are real close. It is what it is. I wouldn’t worry about it. I would just focus on my own life and finish college if I were you. You will find that when you put all your mind, soul, and body into your studies, you will get passionate about your career. Then everything else will fall into place.

That is exactly what I did. And now, I am sure of myself in the world and have become engaged to a wonderful man and will soon be married. Think of it this way, it is when you are at your lowest point in life that God is working in your life right now. Just be patient. Everything will work out. Feel free to message me and add me as your friend.
 
I wanted to thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. It really is a comfort to know that I can come here, and speak to so many wonderful, Catholic people. I only responded to those who asked a question, but please know that I am thankful for everyone who took the time to comment!

May God bless you all,

Christa
 
I just wanted to commiserate with you, OP, and let you know you are not alone.

The world in general today I think is MUCH more isolated due to technology and suspicion of one’s neighbors. I heard on the news the other day that the average American has two friends instead of the multitudes they used to have years ago.

I also struggle with loneliness, partly because I am an introvert, partly because people just freak me out and I don’t want to get too involved with them. Sometimes it gets me down too but I have dogs…which I think are one of God’s great inventions. That really helps me. Do you have any pets? They have countless benefits. I think the volunteering suggestion is great too, as well as physical exercise. I hate working out but I always feel better when I do.

What I also try to do to help myself is look at the positives of being an introvert/alone…for instance, it sure does keep me out of the weirdness of the world or being tempted by a lot of the weirdness out there. I also try to think of and rely on Jesus as a good friend.

Hugs from another loner, to you.

:o
 
I will pray for you. Loneliness is difficult.

That being said, you express a longing for companionship. This means that as part of your own well-being you have a responsibility to seek out fulfilling relationships with others. It concerns me that you are generally uninvolved. Consider things you enjoy doing – cryptography, dance (?), service – and pursue those interests in a group setting. You may not be close friends with everyone else, but at least you will have an opportunity to interact with students or people with similar interests. You must be proactive.
 
Hey, Christa. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’d go to a counsellor, there are just so many things at once. You need some stress management, and perhaps a way to assuage the sadness. Have you tried talking to the priest about the arrangements, or talking to those ladies who seemed to whisper about you? Sometimes talking helps. If we don’t talk, we only have imaginations and presumptions, which are weak stuff to build on.

Also, you don’t need a boyfriend to be attractive, and you don’t actually need to be attractive to have a boyfriend. Besides, a boyfriend isn’t necessary per se, as it’s marriage that’s the calling, and all those other stages are transitory and meant for discernment, meaning they don’t really have an independent worth of their own, contrary to what our feelings would sometimes have us believe.
 
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