Feeling Far from God

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BrockH

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God feels a thousand miles away from me. I’ve been struggling with OCD and impure thoughts. I have been in and out of a state of grace. I just feel so lost and like my once very wonderful faith in Jesus is slipping away. I can’t seem to pray very well anymore and I feel so dead inside. I have almost constant impure thoughts coming to me and life is horrible inside. I feel like the friendship I had with God is gone. I never asked to be cursed with an obsessive brain that can’t get pictures out of my head. I am so worried about going to he’ll and I am losing hope. All I keep thinking of is God going through all of my sins and then giving me eternal punishment and I can see myself in shear agony, alone, with bad spirits screaming and myself wondering where I’d gone wrong. Advice???
 
stop thinking bad thoughts, God doesnt want you to go to hell or eternal punishment, you already believe in Jesus and thats occured through the Holy Ghost, you are simply struggling with your self and sin which needs cleansing and talking to Jesus in the sacrament, every thought of yours is known by God good or bad, you can pray in your heart your mind, dont torment yourself or seek some higher help…
 
BrockH said:
God feels a thousand miles away from me. I’ve been struggling with OCD and impure thoughts. I have been in and out of a state of grace. I just feel so lost and like my once very wonderful faith in Jesus is slipping away. I can’t seem to pray very well anymore and I feel so dead inside. I have almost constant impure thoughts coming to me and life is horrible inside. I feel like the friendship I had with God is gone. I never asked to be cursed with an obsessive brain that can’t get pictures out of my head. I am so worried about going to he’ll and I am losing hope. All I keep thinking of is God going through all of my sins and then giving me eternal punishment and I can see myself in shear agony, alone, with bad spirits screaming and myself wondering where I’d gone wrong. Advice???
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As St. John of the Cross explained, sometimes God gives us these “dry” periods because he doesn’t want us to become dependent on the “good” feelings faith can bring. St. John called it the “dark night of the soul.” Everyone has them, even the most holy of saints.

It’s your OCD that is causing you to go through a litany of your perceived sins. Please talk to a priest or a physician. Sometimes medication is necessary for OCD.

From your post, I think your friendship with Christ is intact.

God bless.
 
If you read the Divine Mercy in My Soul: The Diary of St. Faustina and The Way of Divine Love by Sister Josefa Menendez, you’ll see that they too have these periods. He never forgets you though you may not always feel Him.
 
St Teresa of Calcutta did not “feel” any faith at all for the last fifty years of her life. She wrote to her spiritual advisor about it, concerned. He told her that he desire to feel her faith, was, in itself, faith.

It sounds to me like your faith is strong.
 
I know it’s hard not to feel God. I struggle with mental illness, including OCD too and I know it makes it a lot worse. A good friend once told me though, that not feeling God is actually a beautiful prayer. It involves a lot of sacrifice because you don’t get any consolation from praying, so your prayer is meritorious. Just to let you know that you’re not alone, I can’t pray well anymore either and I worry about going to hell too. I don’t have any advice other than keep going to mass, and keep praying even though it’s hard. Know you’re not alone, and it’s ok to see a therapist if you need one.

I’m praying for you.
 
Pray for the virtue of chastity. Also, it may be helpful to remember that thoughts of impurity, if not willed for the sake of impurity (as in out of lust,) are not of grave matter and not sinful at all if you can tell that they are not going to lead to sin. Those which are not willed at all are definitely not sinful. If you can manage at all to pray, than do so–out loud or written down if it helps.The fact that you pray, though it is so hard for you is very pleasing to God. God does not want any one to go to Hell and really those who have gone there have walked the path down there themselves.
 
Do you realize that you can’t think two thoughts at the same time? So if you were to read the Bible out loud or if you were to read formal prayers out loud or if you were to come up with your own spontaneous prayers, you would be thinking and praying good and holy things and not depraved things. Faith is not about feelings – faith is about an act of the will.
 
St Therese said that even if her sins were as scarlet she would run in absolute trust into the arms of the most merciful Jesus.

I understand what you are going through and have suffered similarly. Let’s just make a pact that we will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever…give up. :hug1:

You are not bad for your temptations and your perseverance in choosing to repent and choose Jesus is a sign of your commitment and love.

When you fall, don’t delay in making an Act of Contrition and resolve to go to confession as soon as possible. If that is a few days away, tell Jesus that you will go as soon as possible and that you are entrusting your soul to his mercy.

Then…think no more of it. Worry not and have peace.

St Therese said that when a toddler tries to walk and falls they are not astonished. They get up smiling and try to run to their Momma again. Neither should we be astonished when we fall. We should get up and try again as we seek our Mother Mary and the protection of her mantle.

Also, I have found great strength in receiving the anointing of the sick. Ask your priest if he will anoint you against evil thoughts and mental disturbances.

I’m praying for you too! 😉
 
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.
 
BrockH said:
God feels a thousand miles away from me. I’ve been struggling with OCD and impure thoughts. I have been in and out of a state of grace. I just feel so lost and like my once very wonderful faith in Jesus is slipping away. I can’t seem to pray very well anymore and I feel so dead inside. I have almost constant impure thoughts coming to me and life is horrible inside. I feel like the friendship I had with God is gone. I never asked to be cursed with an obsessive brain that can’t get pictures out of my head. I am so worried about going to he’ll and I am losing hope. All I keep thinking of is God going through all of my sins and then giving me eternal punishment and I can see myself in shear agony, alone, with bad spirits screaming and myself wondering where I’d gone wrong. Advice???
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Your are struggling and that means life not death. If you were not concerned about this then you would indeed have a problem. Jesus never lets anyone down if they struggle.
If you stop being concerned, then start worrying or if you don’t care then you have a problem.

Get a green scapular or a brown scapular or a miraculous medal. When temptations come, just hold on to that and ask Mary to give your GREAT graces at this moment.
If you have confidence in her then you will find what you are looking for. She will do it if you trust her.
 
Remember Saint Augustine? The saint who liked women and drink and partying a bit too much, the one whose mother prayed for his conversion. What about Saint Francis? Who wanted glory and was born into riches and a lap of luxury who was the leading a group of individuals who lived a life of sin? I too have suffered with something similar, the only answer is pray. I know that it is not just “Stop thinking of it”, rather pray to our Blessed Mother to pray for you and to wrap you in her Holy arms. Also pray for the people who are struggling in situations similar to yours, and say a Hail Mary to help them on the long road to recovery.
Pray the rosary and ask our Blessed Mother to pray that you can love God more completely and trust in Him whole-hardheartedly. Try praying to Saint Michael when you have your bad thoughts, as they are a construction of the enemy. I will keep you in my prayers. Do not give up, pray even if you do not believe or feel unworthy. While I am not as close to God as I would like to be, I am so much closer than I used to be, and I know you will be too!
 
Stay the course. I often feel the same way. Discouragement is one of the enemy’s greatest weapons. Don’t succumb.

Try to do things which will maintain a better presence of God. Ask for that. Read some good Catholic books. Pray - even when you least feel like it. Ask for God’s help (this isn’t something we can accomplish on our own) and that this feeling be lifted.

“A single act of love of God, made during a period of aridity is worth more than a hundred made with affection and consolation.”
  • St. Padre Pio
 
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