Feeling Forced To Say The Rosary

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Bagpuss70

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I’d like to see other opinions on this. As a child my sisters and I were made to say the Rosary. We never had any choice in the matter. As adults 1 sister is lapsed and I and my youngest sister attend Sunday Mass but rarely say the Rosary.
My dad is still a rather dictatorial man. He now has. 4 grandchildren (none of them mine). Lately, after Sunday lunch he’s decided that the grandchildren are going to say the Rosary. I believe this is going to turn them off the way it did us, but my sister, while she thinks the children should be invited to do a decade or two, has gone along with my dad’s insistence that they say 5 decades.
Occasionally I say a decade or two as well, bit that’s more because I feel under obligation and know that my dad will see me as anti God or anti religion if I don’t.
Today my sister said something about me “still being a child” because I don’t like feeling forced to do this. She thinks I should humour dad. He was too strict and dictatorial when we were growing up. We weren’t allowed to do anything. When I am visiting and under his roof I feel like a prisoner. Am I wrong or being childish feeling the way I do. I could sit and pray but would feel resentful. Often our family Rosary wasn’t done in the spirit of love. I remember if we didn’t speak up or we a bit sullen about it fad would be slapping us about the head and saying the prayers through gritted teeth. It was never a great experience for me. What do you think?
 
Well, there is nothing wrong with a Dad forcing his kids to say the Rosary. Just like there is nothing wrong with forcing them to go to Church with him. He’s the parent and they are kids. If I had refused to go to Mass or say the Rosary as a kid, I would get a good talking to and be forced to do it. And my Dad wasn’t dictatorial by any means. Dad’s force their kids to do lots of things like eating their greens, taking a bath and such. They are necessary for your well being. Just as going to Mass is necessary for your spiritual well being. The Rosary might not be necessary but it does not hurt and setting a good example by praying does wonders for kids.

Now, your Dad might have done so too forcefully which is possible. That might be why you feel about it the way you do. And if that is the case, that is understandable. But he isn’t wrong to force a kids to pray. You just have to do it in the right way. Maybe your Dad didn’t.
 
I assume you have talked to your sister about your reasons why. I am sorry that such a beautiful prayer was used as a sign of force. You are an adult. Explain to your earthly father, how you feel. If he continues and is not respectful to your feelings, perhaps visits to him are less frequent or non existant.
My earthly father is kind of the same way. I just had enough one day and basically told him; that yes you are my father and I respect and love you. But you do not have absolute authority over me.
As for saying The Rosary in itself…consider praying it by yourself or in Adoration. Because I think it was your father being forceful and dictorial, not The Rosary as the problem.
 
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Is it possible to avoid visiting your father at all?

As for your feelings, they sound quite natural, but your resentment hurts you, not him.
Perhaps you need to forgive him, which I know may be much easier said than done.

A bit of general advice.
Forgiveness does not mean making excuses for the offender. It does not mean pretending you were not hurt. It does not mean trying to feel forgiving.
Forgiveness means you give up the grudge. Give up the right to be right, to make the offender be the villain.

A second bit of advice.
Pray to God to bless your father. Not to change him, but to grant him blessings. It can be much easier to forgive someone when you’re looking to do him good, and praying blessings on him is a way to do that.

God’s blessing on you.
 
Going to church I agree, but anything else really I think showing by example gets better results. Yes, you can force a child, but when they’re older theyay resent it. Thanks for your feedback though. I wanted to get an outsiders view.
 
Dad is not the sort of person who will ever listened. I’ve tried telling him before that forcing people makes them want to do the opposite. He’s never really been respectful of other people’s opinions, least of all ours. I do sometimes say my own prayers, occasionally a decade of the Rosary. I did 5 decades on my aunt’s anniversary in October.
No the Rosary isn’t the problem at all. It’s just the way it is constantly imposed on us even as adults and then you’re put on a guilt trip if for any reason you don’t want to do it.
Thanks for your feedback Kathleen.
 
Thanks Zaccheus. I live 20 mins from my parents. I believe my upbringing has done quite a bit of damage to me one way or another, although I’m sure dad probably meant well and didn’t know any different. He’s 87 though, so I feel I must see him quite often (2-3 times a week). But I have to say I often feel happier, more free and a more confident human being when I don’t.
Praying for him as well as myself sounds the right way to go.
 
I can not totally agree with this answer. Instead, the children should be introduced and taught the reasons of reciting the Rosary as it is an honor and reverence to the Mother of Jesus-otherwise we would look and pray the Rosary as a punishment rather as an act of love and fidelity. Also, it depends on the age of the children. They should be invited to share in the Rosary and each decade explained according to age and understanding. A small ‘reward’ after the Rosary could be considered to make it more ‘palatable’ to young minds might be helpful, too. Without doubt I will get a little backlash on my views. Peace.
 
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Well, obviously it shouldn’t look dictatorial. And in reality most of the time it wouldn’t even looked forced. If you say the Rosary as a family it is just something that happens after dinner or whenever you say it. You are expected to do it just like you are expected to do the dishes after dinner or what have you. Although when you are super little you can’t say the Rosary really. That’s why my parents had us read books. But we had to stay in the same room as they were and we couldn’t be super loud. We finally “graduated” up to Rosary reciters as we got older.

When the kids get into their teenage years and they refuse to do it, this might need some working on and forcing them to say it might require some wiggling around the issue.

But you may be right in how to present how to say the Rosary. It is not so much you are forced to (although, as a kid you are). It is something you that everyone in the house does and since you are part of the house, you should do it.
 
In broad strokes, I would say Church attendance on Sundays and Holy Days is mandatory, but rosary participation should be something children are invited to to without any guilt trip.
 
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