Feeling left out at my own church

[yummypastry]

I recently moved to a suburb outside of the city I grew up in. I began going to Mass every week at the church less than a block away from my new house, and I was so excited knowing that I wouldn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn anymore to not be late for Mass.

The bad part is that after Mass when I would go to speak with the priest and everyone attending mass people would not speak to me. I felt very alone and unwelcome. I started looking for other churches in my area hoping that they would be more welcoming but I received the same treatment. Not only that but I also felt that the homilies delivered by the priest was too political. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but it was the local election season and the priest seemed to be steering us in a certain politician’s direction.

This has made me very sad and I’d hate to say this but I stopped attending Mass altogether and seemed to have hit a bump in the road as far as my faith. I feel made unwelcome by the same people who are supposed to be my siblings in Christ. Is is wrong of me?

 

[Kei]

Yes. This is not a valid reason to skip Mass. Understand, however, that they should be more welcoming.

 

[Maximilian75]

Take the initiative. If you want your parish to be more hospitable, form a hospitality ministry for your church, and if there already is one, join it.

Be the change you want to see in your parish.

 

[pianistclare]

Precisely. Have you asked the pastor where you might be needed? Make an appointment for coffee and talk!!!
People rarely can “catch” the priests after Mass. They are greeting people and saying hi, not much else.

If you live that close, it should be pretty easy to drop in. A daily Morning Mass might yeild more opportunities,

 

[ColorMomma]

I totally understand being the new person and feeling left out in a parish. I tried my best to get involved, volunteered to teach CCD, and was still rejected. It hurt a lot, and truthfully, I never was able to get integrated into that parish. I ended up moving away.

I think some parishes just have a certain level of disfunction but please don’t let this pull you out of Mass. Before I moved away, I traveled 40 minutes each way to a different parish, just to feel that love and joy of the Mass. I was so hurt by the original parish that I couldn’t enjoy the mass. I realized the Mass itself wasn’t the problem, just the people. We get to have Jesus in the Eucharist, that is worth any extra effort we have to make to be close to him. Don’t let others deny you your right to Jesus.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Sometimes all you can do is grit your teeth and make yourself go to mass despite not feeling welcome.

 

[Casilda]

Nothing is wrong with you, your eyes have just been opened. I see you are in Texas, I just moved away from there. I visited half a dozen parishes, like a ghost that no one sees. I recommend you find an Eastern Catholic parish. I was joyfully surprised parishioners (our brothers and sisters in Christ) actually fellowship with one another AND guests after liturgy.

 

[Dlee]

I agree that sometimes you have to take the initiative. I was new and after a few months, I approached an older lady and asked if I could sit in her pew. Turned out she had been dreading Mass That week as it was the anniversary of her husband’s death. She had been praying all week for someone to sit by her! I have also learned that Mass is not the place for socializing and talking as it is in the protestant realm. See if they have a Bible Study you could join.

 

[babochka]

I agree with you about the Mass itself. I can go to Mass or Divine Liturgy in any language, in any Rite, in any culture and know that I belong. I don’t feel awkwardness at all because I know that this is my family. But sometimes, human beings need more. We need real human connection with each other. We need to be acknowledged and we need to be welcomed at a human level. God made us this way, in His image and likeness. Very often, Catholic churches fall short in this. Yes, we have the Eucharist. That cannot be underestimated. But from our Communion in Jesus Christ ought to flow our communion with one another, living in community and loving one another in those communities.

So often, we reject or exclude people and don’t even know that we are doing it.

Am I Invisible? The Pain-Relieving Response to Being Rejected or Excluded

My eleven-year-old daughter started a new extracurricular activity a few weeks ago. We’re still learning the ropes and aren’t quite sure how things run. On the first day, we walked up to two women …

www.handsfreemama.com

I don’t mean to say that we need greeters at the door, or the priest should have everyone stand up and turn and greet their neighbors at the beginning of the Mass. That can be awkward, uncomfortable, and come across as fake. That doesn’t build real connections between people.

 

[Sy_Noe]

I recently moved to a suburb outside of the city I grew up in. I began going to Mass every week at the church less than a block away from my new house, and I was so excited knowing that I wouldn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn anymore to not be late for Mass.

The bad part is that after Mass when I would go to speak with the priest and everyone attending mass people would not speak to me. I felt very alone and unwelcome. I started looking for other churches in my area hoping that they would be more welcoming but I received the same treatment. Not only that but I also felt that the homilies delivered by the priest was too political. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but it was the local election season and the priest seemed to be steering us in a certain politician’s direction.

This has made me very sad and I’d hate to say this but I stopped attending Mass altogether and seemed to have hit a bump in the road as far as my faith. I feel made unwelcome by the same people who are supposed to be my siblings in Christ. Is is wrong of me?

I totally understand. I’ve left parishes because of their political leanings and feeling unwelcomed and no place for me any longer.

 

[casslean]

I think it’s hard to judge a parish’s general demeanour by Mass. I tend to be very focused at Mass, including before Mass, and after Mass I’m almost “coming down” from the experience and need time to process. I’ve met lots of newer people while I’m working in the church in other capacities and have often been told, “Oh, I thought you were really distant, because you’re always by yourself at Mass and you never talk to anyone.” Well, no. It’s Mass. I’m focused on Mass.

Approach the priest about getting involved. You might even see somewhere that your particular skills might be helpful and ask him specifically about helping in that regard.

 

[hoping4more]

Yeah, I still feel alone there, wrestling three toddlers, by myself. We just sit in the cry room with a bag of books and all the other kids come to us. Lol, don’t worry about starting some type of official welcoming organization, just do it! Pay attention, and when you see someone new introduce yourself, ask if they are from the area etc. I know it is dissapointing when someone does it greet you even when you have showed up several weeks in a row(not just a passing tourist), I have been there.

Unfortunately, in my situation, the new people I see are married moms, so married man trying to strike up a convo with an unaccompanied married woman is not going to happen, I mean we are both cordial etc but you get the idea.