Feeling Nothing but Dryness

[KEVIN_WILCOX]

“Feeling nothing but dryness”? It sounds uncharitable but what you are encountering at present maybe a character trait (…I’m sorry, but it just screams out at me): Marriage, priest, deacon, further studies, marriage…etc. It’s as if you are screaming "Can someone make the decision for me; look at the priest they’re always so happy, I want to be anyone but who I am (who I am called to be). Can someone live my life for me…make the decisions for me.
In the spiritual life it’s that difficult transitory period between child and mature man of faith. And some get stuck in childhood, and I don’t want that to happen to you.
Whatever you do, wherever you go you are going to take this “me” problem with you. There is no escape! I have been a friar, monk, solitary and student - wherever I have gone “I” has come as well. Carrying my bag of problems like the character in Bunyun’s “Pilgrim’s Progress,” looking for someone to take it from me. We run from our own shadow.
If someone else made your life decisions for you they would rob you of your self-responsibility, of the ability to learn how to grow. Of the very self God has blessed you with.
What if you did something and it was wrong? Even our Lord fell (although physically) twice on his way to our redemption - It is part of the path. Gift. We fall, we get up, we keep going. Yes, it is hard. Everyone struggles - look at Jacob battling all night with an angel, in the morning he was given a new name (Israel) and Our Lord struggled in the Garden. Life is a personal confrontation with God. Why? Because he believes in you. He loves you as you are (even when it must be hard for Him). God is not ashamed of you, He loves you - you are His own unique experience. He calls you into Life. Life with all it’s mistakes and the world’s empty promises.

 

[graciesuico]

Hello

First, let me ask you; Do you have a spiritual director? If not please pray and find one. It is good to have someone who could give you advice.

When I was discerning my vocation, I was having alot of worries and fears.Even I was unhappy and not sure if what I am going to do is the will of God for me. After I having conversation with the Mother Surperior over the phone was still uncertain. I was already serving the church in my parish I was actively involved. And I am also attracted with man whom I thought and consider to get marry.But at the same time I am also wanting to be a nun.Which I was conflicted so what I did, I contacted Mother Superior and told her about the delay of entering in religious life.

Brother be watchful sometimes we are blinded by our enemy. He is very cunning and wise too. If you haven’t tried spent time in the Blessed Sacrament. Though you have nothing to say just be there sit still and listen.

I spent time with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and I am happy and content with my life. Dont get me wrong, where ever we are we will always have trials or challenges to face.

Be still and know…

 

[DL82]

Thanks all for your advice. I do have a spiritual director, and am now living with the Salesians and getting a sense of direction from their rector.

The first weekend I arrived here one of the brothers was making his final profession. The superior read out an explanation of the vows, and talked about the special covenant that a religious has with God, and I just found myself saying ‘God, I want to give myself completely to you, but in the ordinary covenant you have with me now’.

All the same, there is a funny kind of feeling I get when I tell people that I’m discerning. I met a girl recently who I’m really attracted to and we get on very well, she is a Catholic, and is a really loving person, and she seemed really pleased for me when I said I was interested in religious life. We’ve decided just to be friends, and to talk online if we need to and not meet up, so as to avoid anything more developing. I certainly felt that my discernment helped her consider her own spiritual life, and felt glad that I’d been able to be there. In the same way, it came up in conversation with an evangelical Christian colleague at a conference I attended last week, and my witness was a real help to him (I think he’s considering conversion, but has made a name for himself as an advocate of evangelicalism in academia, so it will be difficult - pray for him!). I started to see the effect that the consecrated life has on others for building the Kingdom of God, and that was awesome.

At the same time, I don’t feel called. Other people seem to think I’d be a good priest (I think they just mistake a vacant stare for holiness ) but I don’t see it. All the same, after talking to all those people, I’d feel like a huge hypocrite if I didn’t give it all I’ve got. I still don’t really feel it, but I won’t be the one who says ‘no’ - I will keep saying ‘yes’ to God and to a religious vocation, if God wants to say no, He has to take the initiative, and just as He hasn’t spoken to me of vocation except through others, that ‘no’ will have to come through others (and those in authority, the Salesian rector, my S.D., a vocations director) before I will walk away.

At the same time, the rector here has told me to write about how I feel, and so I’ll write, I’ll show it all to him, and he can confirm that final yes or no. I don’t think that’s abandoning my own decision making ability. As far as I’m concerned, the decision is already made, I will give myself completely to God if He’ll have me.