Feeling overwhelmed, and I think I simply need to offer it up

[Ophelia23]

This weekend, I had a long phone conversation with my oldest brother. Throughout this conversation, he confided a series of things to me that, truthfully, I wish I had never heard them. Without going into too much detail, my brother was molested as a child. I never knew any of the details of it, because it was addressed when it happened but not really ever again. To be fair, I think my parents handled the situation as best as they could, and even had my brother in therapy to help him heal; but as a five year old boy, he didn’t fully realize what had happened and was not traumatized by it. It all came flooding over him when he was 14, and THAT is when he really had to face what happened. Anyhow, for whatever reason, my brother shared with me what happened to him. I was horrified, and so sickened that anybody could do these things to a child. He is in a good place now; he doesn’t hold anger or resentment or hatred, and I know that he has overcome some great evils. I am proud of him. At the same time, I wish I didn’t know all of the information. It was more comfortable being unaware. I know there is nothing that can be or needs to be done: this is all past. It just flips my tummy.

He also shared some additional news that I can’t even pull myself to share here regarding our other brother. It wasn’t spoken as gossip, or meant to be salacious or slanderous in any way. It was out of genuine concern and seeking advice, and seeking prayer. My heart is so heavy with knowledge of my brother’s actions, and knowing how incredibly remorseful he is and yet how isolated he is in his remorse. He has not come forward to me because he fears that I would judge him too harshly or never forgive him; that is entirely untrue. I love him, and my heart aches with his sin because I want for him to know peace and happiness. I again wish I didn’t know all of the information. I was more comfortable being unaware.

But now I am faced with the solution, and that is simply allowing these things to weigh heavily on my heart and to contemplate them before God. I can’t quite explain why I am struggling with all of this information as much as I am; I love my family, and I want them to be happy, healthy, and one with God. I pray for both of my brothers always, that they might return to our Mother Church… I now pray this more than ever, especially for my middle brother and his wife, both of whom are in a very grave state of Mortal sin, and who clearly desire not to be.

Please pray for my family.

 

[sweetpetunia]

Blessings to you and your family, and prayers for healing for your loved ones.
Ophelia, if you are feeling overwhelmed and overburdened, please do not feel you need to carry that burden alone. Your sacrifice will be no less efficacious if you share your burden, and I think the story of Simon of Cyrene was part of God’s way of showing us this. I know you are asking for prayers more than advice, but my heart goes out to you! Sometimes Simon of Cyrene can be one’s spouse, and/or perhaps also a compassionate spiritual director, because as confessors, they know you well, and are already wonderful at keeping confidences. Be gentle on yourself. It must have been a huge shock, so give yourself time to digest it. Sometimes with morning comes peace and a fresh perspective, as the wounds are not so fresh and one has a much needed rest. God bless you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I will add you to my prayers. I can relate to your distress - I have been working on my family history and found out some very disturbing information about one of my ancestors that I really wish I hadn’t found. I can’t go back and un-know what I now know, but it sure changed my life for the worse for a while.

I’m so glad your brother has overcome what happened to him. That is what you should focus on, not the molestation. Thank God your parents did take him seriously and got him therapy at the time.

 

[skigirl1689]

Praying for all of you…

I’ve faced similar situations, not to the extent of this, that have just overwhelmed me for days. Prayer definitely helps…but maybe talking to your pastor in confidence would be of immense help. I’ve had to do the same as I realize I cannot keep somethings inside, trying to process it all, but need to talk to either my pastor or a counselor in confidence to help myself process not only the reality of the situation, but my thoughts concerning what happened.

 

[HolyRosaryChild]

Hi Ophelia, in my view, it is God, The Holy Spirit, Jesus and Our Lady Mary who are flowing through you within your family, to request all of your Brothers’ healing during 2013 You are strong in your faith and God has chosen YOU to get your siblings to express the pain in your brother’s life from his childhood and the current issue with your other brother. Feel overjoyed and elated that God has chosen you Ophelia to bring out and expel all of the negativity and pain that Satan has caused your siblings! He only chooses people who are the strongest in their faiths and dispositions at certain times in their lives to carry and support (initially). The remainder of their ‘healing journey’ is up to your Siblings.

I suggest attending Confession and then Mass all together if at all possible and pray Jesus’ Rosary for complete healing for both Brothers (his wife if she wishes to attend also). Then perhaps a dinner once a week with all of the family and The Holy Rosary said together afterwards…just a suggestion!

Kindest wishes Ophelia to you and all of your family through 2013.

 

[Auntie_A]

I hope I don’t sound too cold or pedantic but I’ll talk straight: We feel better when we do not know certain things, but when we find out, we feel sick and hurt and wish we never knew.
That is an important thing about life: we are comfortable and content in our illusions. Then when we learn the truth, that whole mountain of safety, contentment, and navigation becomes shattered.

Think of a person who discovers their father or grandfather was a sadistic nazi in a death camp.

Think of the people in the Sandusky molestation case who were upset because the victims came forward to speak.

Some cling to their illusions to the point of hurting themselves or others.

My auntie had an awful time realizing that her favorite priest was going to jail for molesting young men. A friend made her realize that quite a few people have parents that have dark secrets, or broke the law, and they must now learn to see their parents and themselves in a new light. She had to learn a new way to see her priest. She had to be strong for herself and for God. She had to look at life in the light of truth.

She got angry. She wept. And she went through a long process of prayer and trying to forgive her priest friend for his actions and trying to forgive herself for placing him up so high. She began to understand her daughter better. And her father. And her prayers grew deeper. She reached out to more people who had been hurt. She used to avoid the “unpleasant” people and situations, but then she began to open her heart to things she never understood before. She judged people a lot less.

We don’t know why awful things happen to one person and not another. We like to think that if our life is going good that it’s because we did something good. But if a bad thing happens to someone else, is it because they did something bad?

There is no better way to deal with what you have learned than to go forward and let your smaller childhood illusions grow into deeper adult realizations. I have had to deal with many “Illusion Bubble Bursters” and they all hurt; but I would never give that pain back because it has taught me so much more about grace and love and human nature and God’s mercy.

Yes, offer it up. But do take good care of your self right now also. Maybe your baby will grow up to be a great child psychologist. My mom used to say “God is in heaven and all is right with the world.” I will include your family in my prayers.