Feeling Scared and Lost

[HalfBear]

Hello I’m HalfBear.

A bit new if you couldn’t tell. But I feel I just need some new ears to talk too, and to bring myself back to the lord. I am Catholic but I do welcome all faiths. I have a small gift shall I say to sense entities and feel how strong they are, as well as make such a deep connection with a person that I can feel the pain that they feel. Read there emotions even if they’re miles away.

I’ve been in a relationship for the past 4 to 5 years. Me and my partner had a good relationship for the first year maybe year and half. Then I just suddenly change for one reason or another. I became more angry and aggressive to my partner, but at times I would be me and everything would be okay and happy. But still something made me lose myself and I would be angry again. I felt as though I was spiralling out of control. It got real bad and my partner suffered alot.

We broke it off and he was seeing another person. I still felt loyalty to my partner so I didn’t bother to see another. Then my partner got betrayed by the person that they fell in love with. I still loving my partner immediatly went to him and I tried my best to support him. I admit my anger got the best of me at times but I still would try my best to give him support. Then we had a fight where he left me at his apartment for two months. I then did anything he would tell me no matter how shameful or how terrible it made me felt. Then on the last night where I had do the same shameful acts I was so tired and fell asleep. He called me to ask what I was doing and why I hadn’t answered his calls I confessed I fell asleep.

He got mad at me and told me that we were through. But that he would take me back if I did one more act for mostly everything to be forgiven. The act had to do with a kitchen stove being on and terrible pain, I begged him not to make me do it and said I do anything else to prove I had become what he wanted me to be. I kept begging him over and over again to give me another chance and I had no place else to go. But he said it was to late and he hung up on me. I had no food left or any money to pay for the rent and so I was being kicked out on the streets,

His parents I told them that I had no place to go and they saw I had no food and took me in. I am thankful to them for giving me a place to stay, but I haven’t told them what has happened cause he’s there son and I know they love him, but I feel lost and scared cause I know he hates me. I feel like I’ve lost my heart. I feel as though I am a bad person. I wish I could go back to that first year where we were happy. I miss him terribly and still in love with him. I feel lost and alone I don’t know what to do. He had provided for me and I did him wrong. I just want him back, but I feel as though I am an evil person. I just feel lost and scared.

 

[CatholicRaven]

You are not an evil person. But what you describe is not a loving, healthy relationship.

It sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem and have very little self-respect. I think you should get professional counseling to help you learn what a real relationship should be.

Will pray for you.

 

[HalfBear]

I know I have some form of low self esteem, but the relationship went sour cause of me. I doubt proffessional counseling will help. More than half the time they pump you full of harmful medicines. I don’t wanna go through that and I don’t want to burden his family with those expenses cause its expensive.

 

[Ellen_Mary]

Your post is disturbing to read and it must of been very disturbing for you to live through. What you have described isn’t a loving relationship, and you know that in your heart. You are not an evil person, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I know when you love someone it’s so hard to break away, but do you think this relationship will end well? You’re in a very vulnerable position, and you need help. I would ask you to seek help from a local priest or a shelter. This man wanted to hurt you very badly, does he know you’re staying with his parents? Please look after yourself your low self esteem is clouding your judgement. I will pray for you but please find someone you can trust to speak to. God bless.

Our Father,
Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

 

[detoutcoeur]

I know I have some form of low self esteem, but the relationship went sour cause of me. I doubt proffessional counseling will help. More than half the time they pump you full of harmful medicines. I don’t wanna go through that and I don’t want to burden his family with those expenses cause its expensive.

Hi HalfBear,

I was very touched by your post, and thought right away of Catholic Charities, which offers inexpensive / free counseling (and no harmful medicines!). They also have a ton of resources to help you with housing, food, clothing, and many other basic necessities. Here’s a link for all the CC offices nationwide.

catholiccharitiesusa.org/who-we-are/member-agencies

It would also be great if you could get in touch with a priest and have his support and guidance as well. Click on this link and type in the name of your city, area code, or zip code. You will get a list of all the Catholic churches in your area, plus the phone numbers and names of pastors.

parishesonline.com/scripts/default.as

Compassionate, caring people and many, many free/inexpensive resources are available. I urge you to call as soon as possible. You’ll be amazed at what a difference it will make. I’m praying for you. +