Feeling spiritually lost

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Worried_girl

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Hello,

I’m not sure if this is the correct section to post in but I am in need of some spiritual direction I think.

To give some background, I am a Catholic convert. I joined the Church about 15 years ago, I was very young (18) and even though I was sincere and serious about my conversion at that time, I struggled a lot with sin and made a lot of bad choices. I eventually became discouraged because I would keep going back to confession for serious sins and then repeat the behaviours. I’ve always had a problem with self-control.

Somewhere along the line I also began to doubt certain doctrines. I think maybe this was partly because I felt so discouraged and couldn’t see why it was all so strict, and why certain beliefs that weren’t mentioned in the New Testament were required beliefs (eg Assumption of Mary).

In the past 15 years I’ve become a mum, split up with my son’s father, and in the last few years have met a truly good man. He is a Christian, an Anglican who is fairly high church but not that strict. He is also a divorcé. He married his previous wife in the Church of England.

We are engaged and hoping to be married in the next year. But I have no idea whether his previous marriage means we wouldn’t have a valid Catholic marriage? I also don’t know if I can go to confession and just be forgiven for the past decade of my life with so many wrong turns taken. Half of the sinful things I’ve done I can’t even remember, at least in specific details and number of occasions. And I don’t know if I could be absolved when I’m currently living with my fiancé? We aren’t having any sexual contact since I’ve felt myself being called to go back to God.

Anyway, there’s lots more but those are the broad brush strokes. I really need advice, hoping you can help.

Thank you.
 
Hello and welcome.

Remember that the Lord loves you and he is always willing to forgive you no matter how many times you fall down, as long as you’re making an effort to reject sin. “Making an effort” does not mean we’re always successful. It just means we keep trying our best. I repeatedly sinned over and over when I was in my late teens and 20s also and finally just kinda gave up because the Church didn’t seem to understand how life is in the modern world, or so I thought, so I understand a bit how you feel.

With respect to your marriage, you really need to meet with a priest one-on-one and discuss that whole situation. Whether your fiance’s previous marriage will be an issue for marrying in the Catholic Church depends on a lot of factors (such as the religion of his previous wife) and it’s best to discuss with one priest who can work with you, and not with a whole forum of strangers.

With respect to your confession, the Lord can forgive anything from your past as long as you’re still not doing it, and he can forgive even if you’ve forgotten details or forgotten the whole thing. However, if you’re living and engaging in sexual relations with your fiance, you’d probably need to stop that unless and until you were married to him in the Catholic Church. You might be able to live together as brother and sister (as you say you’re already doing) but again this is something you should talk to your priest about.

Good luck and again, always remember God the Merciful Father loves you!
 
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Every day is a new day with God. If you do nothing else, stop beating yourself for stuff you did the past: 10 years or 3 days. Just try to be the best you, starting today.
 
What @Tis_Bearself told you is great advice. Remember our Lord is merciful and wants to forgive us. I’m older than you and converted three years ago. I was Protestant before, but also lived a sinful life. My first confession I didn’t know where to begin and couldn’t remember much detail. But after confession it’s like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Talk to a priest about the marriage issues. If your fiancé is open to it, maybe you both could attend an RCIA class (Right of Christian Initiation for Adults) to learn more about the Catholic Faith. There is no commitment to convert unless he chose to.
God Bless.
 
Thank you for your replies. I still feel very confused and not sure what is the right thing to do. I think I need to speak to someone about all my doubts and questions really.
 
Speak to a priest. He will not force you or tell you off or anything like that hes just the best person to advise you. Also don’t forget to speak to Jesus, you can just pray and ask for help, he’ll answer you via people or the Bible. Don’t forget you don’t have to do anything to go to a catholic church or attend mass, you can just go and listen or pray there. You can’t have communion yet but why not go to a mass and see what it’s like for you? Jesus is truly present at each mass so go see him. Cos of the virus check your local church doesn’t require booking ( should be able to check on their website) but other than that just go sit and see what you feel and think and pray. God bless you
 
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Thank you. I just struggle with the idea that I’m in a state of mortal sin so what good are my prayers at the moment?
 
Make an appointment with a priest so you will have time for confession and to talk. And then, be honest about your situation. Ask him to tell you what you need to do to get things right with God and move forward with your life. Be willing to listen to his advice.
 
The thing is that I know I will sin again even after confession, I’ve done it so many times and used to go weekly to confession but didn’t truly change. I don’t understand why because the Grace from the Sacrament should help me but it feels like my sinful tendencies are too ‘baked in’ to my personality. Also it’s hard for me to go to Mass every week because my family aren’t Catholic and think I’m crazy. I know that’s not a good reason not to go and I should have the courage of my convictions but sometimes I’m weak and take the comfortable path. I also struggle to believe in all the different doctrines.
 
The more you surround yourself with faithful Catholic stuff (media, books, Internet sites, friends, parish community) the easier it is to follow the Catholic faith.
It’s harder when you are bogged down with negativity of various kinds.

I would say try to a priest IRL and speak to him. Can you get in touch with the people who helped you do RCIA? I bet they would be happy to help.
 
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Pray anyway. God will listen to you because you want to get out of this situation. Try read or listen to St Faustina’s diary online about the merciful Jesus. Your problem if I may be so bold as to say it, is that you don’t know Jesus. You can get to know him through the Scriptures, praying and through the created world. We often think of Jesus as some preconceived ideas that hes not. A Divine mercy nun I listened to once said we often base him on our father as that’s the first Male we have an experience of, also we then add all the males that we know in our life…so if we have lived a sinful life… our idea of Jesus can get pretty wounded… ie. We think he’s nothing but punishment and ‘leave us as soon as we disappoint him’ and all our other human wounds…even if our dads were good and our boyfriends nice… there are always wounds in there. Jesus is none of these things. He is perfect love, mercy and joy. He loves us so much he literally died to spend eternity with us. He gave himself a heart that feels pain even though he didn’t have to and knew people would break it time and time again. He loves you and wants you back no matter what you have done. You are his beloved.
 
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