Feeling very guilty

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Domer90

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I feel I have failed my son by having to concentrate efforts on my dad. After my mom passed 2 years ago, we wanted my dad to move closer. When my son was diagnosed with cancer, I knew he needed home care (and more). My mom’s executive function covered up for my dad. He didn’t want to leave the house.

When his driver’s license was taken away, he didn’t have a choice. A lot of equity was in that house. My DH took DS to critical MD appointments as I tried to get my dad moved here. He realized he had no other choice, and agreed. I didn’t realize moving states would cause so much paperwork. I had to find a different Rx plan for him and need to gather the documents required for a picture ID. All this time sink. I also had to sell his house to a flipper in order to provide extra funds for his care. Now, we have to restrict him visiting our house because he soiled our couch and bathroom throw rug.

I am stuck in a deep depression at seeing my son and dad sick. I do pray…a lot. But I am emotionally exhausted.

I, too, am still recovering from a high impact injury, and I am past due on routine medical exams. Any suggestions?
 
Hi Domer,

While I haven’t experienced the same circumstances as you, I can still feel your pain as a divorced, single mother to a handful of children, some who have chronic illness or developmental delay.

Please put on your oxygen mask first, as the proverbial saying goes. Get caught up with medical exams that address your injuries, eat healthy, stay hydrated, exercise (walks or other low-impact movements) and get adequate sleep. Focus on what you can do, let others help too. Pray.

It’s normal to feel exhausted when you’re facing the challenges your family is dealing with.

Give it over to God in prayer. Offer it all up. That’s all we can really do.

Prayers for your son’s healing, for your healing, and for your family’s situation.
 
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR FATHER HAS MEDICAL ISSUES RELATED TO AGING.

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR SON HAS CANCER.

IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE STRUCK WITH MEDICAL ISSUES OF YOUR OWN.

My apologies for the all caps, but I just was trying to emphasize the above points because you have had a lot dumped on your plate in a short period of time and even though it may not solve those issues, I think you need to lessen the guilt you feel over this.

The only two things I might add are:
  1. Do not neglect your own health issues. If you are concerned about your ability to care for others, you need to be in good medical shape.
  2. Once your son recovers, this can serve as a good example of how families work as a team in hard times.
 
I am catching up on taking care of myself, as is DH. No offense taken.
 
Gosh, Domer, I’m so sory you and your family are going through so much. I’m sending my love to you all.

Don’t feel guilty. You’ve done nothing wrong at all, you’re being the best mother and the best daughter. Is there anyone you can turn to for emotional support? You shouldn’t have to shoulder all this by yourself. I expect you’re sick of doctors right now, but perhaps talking to one about your depression (as well as getting your medical exams sorted) would help?
 
Yes. Whatever happens take care of yourself. Don’t feel guilty, just do what you can. You’re one of those who are caught in the middle, as you must care for a father and a son. Prayers for them, and for you! God bless you all!
 
I have a good doctors. I feel most sorry for my son, who had to be rushed to the ER 5 times for side effects of his chemotherapy. So, my husband and I only cancel MD appointments of our own if our son’s life could be in danger. But we were able to get our flu shots, and I see my pain management doctor for my tibia injury and my degenerative disc disease.

I think I lost my dad to dementia because in the last 2 weeks, as he mostly stares into space. He cannot keep track of anything. My friends have moved away due to the current job market. Many of our neighbors have moved too. So, we really know nobody really well. I am not sure where to turn for help.
 
You’re extremely welcome, @Domer90. Just take things a day at a time. Again, for you and your husband prayers for you, along with your dad and son. Take care!
 
Praying for you, for strength for you and healing for your son, and wisdom in dealing with your dad’s limitations.
We can only do what we can do. the rest is in God’s hands, and He cares for us more than we do ourselves.
 
Thank you. I completely agree. While I didn’t want to move my dad during my son’s healing, he was a danger to himself and potentially others, as he was still driving.
 
Wehave to do our best. And then leave the rest in the hands of God.
 
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