Female Friend of a Seminarian?

[Talitha712]

Hello, thank you in advance for any and all replies!
I’m a young woman. A good friend recently entered the seminary. He texts often and when we get together, it’s usually just the two of us (though ALWAYS in a public place). Last time we met, it finally dawned on me how we probably look to the casual passersby. I worry I might not be doing enough to protect his reputation - and his vocation.
Any suggestions for what an appropriate friendship between a young woman and a seminarian should be? Don’t be concerned about sparing my feelings if I handled this badly, I just want what’s best for him.

 

[Lara]

I don’t think I’d worry about his reputation. Priests go out to dinner and coffee. When people are young, passersby probably think their lives are up in the air anyhow and cut them a lot of slack. Who knows if you’re this guy’s sister, or perhaps a business associate, or a journalist?

I think the bigger issue might be opposite gender friends in general. There have been other threads on that topic. I think going out with him once every couple of months to catch up is fine. But the frequent texting isn’t so great. He’s probably working on developing a strong interior life and that means prayer, moderation, discipline. For you, you might spend your time better in other areas such as working on your goals, deciding your vocation. It is nice though to catch up with old friends.

 

[ThereseFrancis]

I am reminded of the so-called “scandal” involving the letters of JPII with a female friend when in fact it was a beautiful relationship between two friends and philosophers. There is really nothing wrong with what you are doing. I think the real scandal here is the perception of the world that two friends of opposite gender cannot have an authentic and loving friendship in a non-sexual and non-romantic manner. If you are a source for his spiritual nourishment and vice versa, I do not see anything wrong with what you are doing. In fact, if such is the case, it should even be strengthened. Just be wary of course that you do not develop romantic feelings for him (but I assume you won’t because as you have said, you are long time friends). Just keep everything in moderation and be discerning.

 

[adgloriam]

Seminarians going to Pontifical Universities actually normally have plenty of friends from both genders because not only Theology/Philosophy is taught there. So, what my friends that are girls say is that they have a special reverence for the seminarians. My friend priests that are young (and those that are middle age) also have friends of the opposite gender and it’s non-issue. I’m actually happy for them because friendship is a good thing, and having sound friendships with the opposite gender is healthy if you can behave.

Friendship is a good thing, just take the reasonable precautions not to invite judgements and suspicions - because regardless what you do that is how people will act, it’s a natural instinct. So have a clear conscience, suspicion is on them.

I’ll refer to John 4:27 that in some translations suggests the Apostles finding it “strange” perhaps even “suspicious” to find Our Lord Jesus talking to a woman.

 

[adgloriam]

I am reminded of the “scandal” involving the letters of JPII with a female friend.

Sorry @ThereseFrancis but those letters were instrumentalized by some media outlets that lost any credibility they might still have had to cast malicious doubt on the author of “Love and Responsibility” who for all effects was above any suspicion.

There is such a thing as a network of media corporations shamelessly calumniating the church with outrageous lies. And for those no pretext or truth is necessary to lie.

 

[Talitha712]

Just keep everything in moderation and be discerning.

I think going out with him once every couple of months to catch up is fine. But the frequent texting isn’t so great.

Ok, so all things in moderation. Thank you for your replies!

If you are a source for his spiritual nourishment and vice versa, I do not see anything wrong with what you are doing. In fact, if such is the case, it should even be strengthened. Just be wary of course that you do not develop romantic feelings for him (but I assume you won’t because as you have said, you are long time friends).

We have been able to help each other spiritually, and usually God and our faith are the main topic of conversation. There’s no chance of my falling in love with him. He’s a wonderful person, but not at all my type.

 

[ThereseFrancis]

Yup. That was my point. That is why I put quotation marks. I guess my tone was not clear. lol. I agree. The secular media treated it as a scandal when really, it was a beautiful genuine friendship. So I recommend the same for @Talitha712 . The real scandal and problem here is not your friendship with him but the over-sexualized perception of the world.

 

[Talitha712]

Thank you for your response!