Female friendships

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MooCowSteph

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Hi all,

I thought this would be a good place to seek advice, you being the insightful people you are! Almost 2 years ago, I met a wonderful women with whom I had just about everything in common. We really hit it off, talking all the time, going out shopping together and such. We would talk about Catholicism, the Church, God, marriage, families. We had what I thought was a deep connection. Anyway, long story short, she moved about 30 miles north, and we were out of touch for a month because she sold her house a month before her new one was ready, so was spending the time visiting family. When she was to be moved in to her new house, she stopped returning my calls, emails and letters. I never received any kind of explanation. I still miss her so much, and I pray every day that God will help me get over my grief. I also pray that He will bring her back into my life, but I am giving up hope on that one.

I tend to be very shy and a bit insecure around other women, especially ones I don’t know very well. Now I am even more insecure than I was before. I have only a handful of friends, and because I am so shy I have a really hard time making new friends.

Does anyone have any advice on getting over my sadness at losing a good friend, and advice on how to make some new friends?
 
I’m a military wife, and was moved around a lot in my childhood, so I’m no stranger to starting over. Getting involved is #1 on meeting people. You don’t need to be outgoing, just willing. Go to Bible Study, invite someone for coffee afterwards, or as a group lunch.

If you have kids, meet some of the other parents, volunteer at the school. If your kids are involved in any activity, ask their leader or coach if you can assist them. Get a YMCA membership! People there are SO friendly!! At least they were at the one I went to!!

Join an art class. There are pottery stores all over now that you can start a project, and meet people at. The best thing to do is to be involved in something you are interested in - you will meet others that you have something in common and will be able to easily start up a conversation. If you know someone who sells Pampered Chef, ask them to do a show at your house, and invite everyone you know, or would like to know (neighbors, wives of your husband’s co-workers, other parents, people from Church, etc).
 
I am in the exact situation you are.

I prayed to God for a Catholic friend with whom I could share, and he sent me one. We had children the same ages, I shared a few good spiritual books with her.

As soon as she found out she was moving, she was very polite but short with me, would not call me, and when she moved would not write back or call back.

I knew we could not be best friends that far away, but that’s no reason to cut communication all together!

I was angry at God for a time for this, giving me a friend and then taking her away…I had to get over it and realize she was God’s gift to give or take away…

I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, everyone knows I’m new but I know no one…

I got to where if I thought a connection would be made, I made myself bold and asked the family over for dinner or dessert. A couple times it has paid off, the other families have had us over a time or two. Although I wouldn’t say we’re best friends it is better than having no contact at all.

Good luck…God Bless you…
 
Dear MooCow,
I can relate with you, I’m not the best at managing female friendships. I don’t make the effort to make a lot of close friends, being a pretty self sufficient personality, then when I do it seems like it can get complicated. Things like you are describing are very confusing to me. I think I would’ve made a good guy because men aren’t so complicated. Women seem to always have some complicated emotional stuff and are so unpredictable.

I work outside the home as a nurse in a hospital and do make nurse friends. Also., I find my work fullfills most of my social needs and I’m very well liked at work since I have a good sense of humor. I relate to other nurses well. Nurses are pretty down to earth.
 
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MooCowSteph:
Hi all,

I thought this would be a good place to seek advice, you being the insightful people you are! Almost 2 years ago, I met a wonderful women with whom I had just about everything in common. We really hit it off, talking all the time, going out shopping together and such. We would talk about Catholicism, the Church, God, marriage, families. We had what I thought was a deep connection. Anyway, long story short, she moved about 30 miles north, and we were out of touch for a month because she sold her house a month before her new one was ready, so was spending the time visiting family. When she was to be moved in to her new house, she stopped returning my calls, emails and letters. I never received any kind of explanation. I still miss her so much, and I pray every day that God will help me get over my grief. I also pray that He will bring her back into my life, but I am giving up hope on that one.

I tend to be very shy and a bit insecure around other women, especially ones I don’t know very well. Now I am even more insecure than I was before. I have only a handful of friends, and because I am so shy I have a really hard time making new friends.

Does anyone have any advice on getting over my sadness at losing a good friend, and advice on how to make some new friends?
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She seems to have “suddenly” stopped communicating with you? Maybe you should try to contact someone in her family. I hope nothing has happened to her.
 
No one can ever really know why people do what they do. If I did have that knowledge, I’d probably just misuse it.

Remember, you had a great friend for a while - many people never have that much in their lives! Get involved at Church and ask yourself every day how you can bring some light into people’s lives. God will put you where you need to be in order to do just that and soon your life will be brimming with friendship!
 
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cove:
She seems to have “suddenly” stopped communicating with you? Maybe you should try to contact someone in her family. I hope nothing has happened to her.
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The same thing crossed my mind, so I got in touch with a woman at church who she still talks to. This friend of hers told me “people get busy. I’m sure you understand”. I’m not sure if this person was just being nice, or if she knows something else about my friend not talking to me anymore.
 
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LSK:
No one can ever really know why people do what they do. If I did have that knowledge, I’d probably just misuse it.

Remember, you had a great friend for a while - many people never have that much in their lives! Get involved at Church and ask yourself every day how you can bring some light into people’s lives. God will put you where you need to be in order to do just that and soon your life will be brimming with friendship!
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This is good advice. I continue to pray every day to send me someone in need of a friend. If I concentrate on being the friendliest person I can be, I am sure finding a friend will be easier.
 
I spend over 22 years in the military and moved 18 times. It is hard to make and lose friends.

Our last move, we went to Chicago because my wife had a brother here. with in a year, he took a job in Texas. We were alone. We met a Catholic Group called Couples for Christ (CFC) Family Ministries. They became our family and friends. Now no matter where I go in the world (ok in 123 countries) I have brothers and sisters there.

CFC has a strong Singles group called CFC-Singles for Christ (SFC). If you would like me to make an introduction on your behalf, please let me know.
 
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MooCowSteph:
The same thing crossed my mind, so I got in touch with a woman at church who she still talks to. This friend of hers told me “people get busy. I’m sure you understand”. I’m not sure if this person was just being nice, or if she knows something else about my friend not talking to me anymore.
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Even if she just “got busy” it is no excuse fo not, at least, answering your requests for an explanation. You deserve that much. If not for anything else but “closure”.

You appear to be a kind and considereate person. I am sure that you will connect with someone else. I am glad to see that you have decided to move on. Good luck to you!!!
 
Dear Steph,
Another thought I have, not to be critical of you, but sometimes one person in a friendship can get overly dependant and needy. This can make the other person feel smothered. Since you say that you tend to be shy, maybe you were relying on this gal too much, and without realizing it making her feel like you needed her too much.

I’ve been on both sides of that equation. In the past I know that I’ve felt like I had connected really well with someone and had too great an expectation that the friendship would meet all my needs. And, I’ve felt that way about other people who were making too many demands on me. Also, in friendships with kids involved, sometimes one woman will get really annoyed with the way their friend handles her kids.
 
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dhgray:
Our last move, we went to Chicago because my wife had a brother here. with in a year, he took a job in Texas. We were alone. We met a Catholic Group called Couples for Christ (CFC) Family Ministries. They became our family and friends. Now no matter where I go in the world (ok in 123 countries) I have brothers and sisters there.

CFC has a strong Singles group called CFC-Singles for Christ (SFC). If you would like me to make an introduction on your behalf, please let me know.
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Thanks! I’d never heard of CFC. I am very interested. I am going to discuss it with my husband, and hopefully we can get involved.
 
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dhgray:
I spend over 22 years in the military and moved 18 times. It is hard to make and lose friends.

Our last move, we went to Chicago because my wife had a brother here. with in a year, he took a job in Texas. We were alone. We met a Catholic Group called Couples for Christ (CFC) Family Ministries. They became our family and friends. Now no matter where I go in the world (ok in 123 countries) I have brothers and sisters there.

CFC has a strong Singles group called CFC-Singles for Christ (SFC). If you would like me to make an introduction on your behalf, please let me know.
Click to expand...
 
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