M
Matthew625
Guest
Hi!
I know i should ‘‘suck it up’’ but it is hard.
I was baptised into the catolic church, easter 2018. I have an anxiety disorder which makes me obsess about things, so immidiately my scruples about sin began and got worse since i was/am afraid about going to hell. Anyway i met a perfect girl 2 months later in church. She dressed modestly, seemed really innocent (which she is) and get this…she had been a novice nun for five years… Anyway me being a new catholic and she being so well read, i really looked up to her and took her advice about our faith.
She has always had a problem with relationships, being insecure and with commitment. We entered a relationship but she broke up with me 3 times during that summer.
Also during this time we were pretty intimate but we didn’t have sex. In my mind since we were catholic it was an impossibility for us to have sex. But she was really sexual with me and it turns out that it was probably only thanks to me that we didn’t have sex. After breaking up and getting back together back and forth, three times we tried a last time. That lasted only a week and both agreed it was for the best.
I also tried to find some one else, someone to marry, she went on tinder the day after we broke up to find some kind of relationship, she became friends with a guy and one or two weeks after getting together with him she slept with him…
I should say that after or week or some such after we broke up we became friends…like really best friends. It was really that we had love for each other but neither of us realised it, so she told me about this person and I said that it wasn’t really ok so soon after we broke up but she ignored it and I didn’t think I had the right to say anything else.
2 days after this i was at her place and to make a long story short, we slept together. I wanted to sleep with her for the wrong reasons, because my confidence was shattered and she wanted to because she regretted the guy she choose. But after this we fell in love, she moved in (which is something we shouldn’t have done) we got engaged, but all the time i am being eaten up inside because of what she did. We also sleep together regularly which i really don’t want but it feels like…why should i follow the rules when no one else is.
Because of my obsessive thinking i have tought about this so much that i am suffering really badly psychologically and i have basically ‘‘kicked her into the ground’’ by bringing it up so many times.And she really regrets her actions but i bring it up so much because I want to change something that can’t be changed.
Our personalities also clash i should mention…
Now i feel that i can’t live with what she did, but we also found out 3 weeks ago that she is pregnant… since she got pregnant when we were engaged and me constantly promising her that we would get married i feel obligated to marry her and I am stuck with marrying a person i can’t respect as much as i would like too respect…a person i don’t know if i can ever give my whole heart to… And i don’t know what to do. I will marry her but her actions and what she did is eating me up inside…
I know i should ‘‘suck it up’’ but it is hard.
I was baptised into the catolic church, easter 2018. I have an anxiety disorder which makes me obsess about things, so immidiately my scruples about sin began and got worse since i was/am afraid about going to hell. Anyway i met a perfect girl 2 months later in church. She dressed modestly, seemed really innocent (which she is) and get this…she had been a novice nun for five years… Anyway me being a new catholic and she being so well read, i really looked up to her and took her advice about our faith.
She has always had a problem with relationships, being insecure and with commitment. We entered a relationship but she broke up with me 3 times during that summer.
Also during this time we were pretty intimate but we didn’t have sex. In my mind since we were catholic it was an impossibility for us to have sex. But she was really sexual with me and it turns out that it was probably only thanks to me that we didn’t have sex. After breaking up and getting back together back and forth, three times we tried a last time. That lasted only a week and both agreed it was for the best.
I also tried to find some one else, someone to marry, she went on tinder the day after we broke up to find some kind of relationship, she became friends with a guy and one or two weeks after getting together with him she slept with him…
I should say that after or week or some such after we broke up we became friends…like really best friends. It was really that we had love for each other but neither of us realised it, so she told me about this person and I said that it wasn’t really ok so soon after we broke up but she ignored it and I didn’t think I had the right to say anything else.
2 days after this i was at her place and to make a long story short, we slept together. I wanted to sleep with her for the wrong reasons, because my confidence was shattered and she wanted to because she regretted the guy she choose. But after this we fell in love, she moved in (which is something we shouldn’t have done) we got engaged, but all the time i am being eaten up inside because of what she did. We also sleep together regularly which i really don’t want but it feels like…why should i follow the rules when no one else is.
Because of my obsessive thinking i have tought about this so much that i am suffering really badly psychologically and i have basically ‘‘kicked her into the ground’’ by bringing it up so many times.And she really regrets her actions but i bring it up so much because I want to change something that can’t be changed.
Our personalities also clash i should mention…
Now i feel that i can’t live with what she did, but we also found out 3 weeks ago that she is pregnant… since she got pregnant when we were engaged and me constantly promising her that we would get married i feel obligated to marry her and I am stuck with marrying a person i can’t respect as much as i would like too respect…a person i don’t know if i can ever give my whole heart to… And i don’t know what to do. I will marry her but her actions and what she did is eating me up inside…