First Confession at What Age?

[cargopilot]

I go to reconciliation regularly and often take my six year old Kindergartener with me. She asks me all kinds of questions about why I go, what I do in there and what does Father do.

I simply explain that this is how we prepare to receive the precious body of Christ. I tell Father all the bad things I’ve done, and all the things I’ve failed to do. I tell Father that I’m sorry for what I’ve done and that I will try to not do them again. Father tells me what I need to do. I ask for God’s forgiveness and all my sins are forgiven when Father grants me absolution. After that, I have to do whatever it was that Father told me to do.

She asked if Father ever told anybody what he hears and I assured her that Father would NEVER tell anybody anything he hears, EVER. She asked what happens to all the bad stuff you tell Father and I replied “It’s forgiven and GONE.” “Where does it go?” I just said I didn’t know, it’s just gone. Of course, she wants to know what I did, but I just tell her no one ever has to tell what they talk about with Father. She has mentioned that I’m always happy when I come out, and she senses that whatever happens in there must be good. BTW, she just loves Father, we’re blessed with a wonderful Priest.

Today, she did something that she is very sorry for and she feels very guilty about doing it. Not an accident, but an ‘on purpose’, requiring some kind of repercussion. I asked her what she thought we should do about her mis-deed, allowing her to pick her ‘penance’. She said she wanted to go to confession with me, so it would be all gone and she could be forgiven. I calmly said, “OK, we’ll do that tomorrow and that will be the end of it.”

What did I just say? Inwardly, I was stunned, not knowing if I even had the authority to approve such a request. Here, first confession doesn’t happen until second grade. What would Father say? Is it even allowed? At what age can/should a child celebrate their first confession?

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Since it is usually at 7, usually in second grade, you really should talk to your priest or consult your parish religious education program and see what their policy is. It is very unlikely that Father would just let her come in and confess. This is, after all, a SACRAMENT and your daughter deserves to be FULLY PREPARED.

Tell her that she will start preparing as she goes to first grade religious ed (or first grade in Catholic school, whichever), and that it will be followed by First Communion, and that these are very, very special events in her life with Jesus.

As a doting mum myself, I would call Father and ask him if it would be all right if he met with my daughter, gave her a blessing (but not reconciliation), spoke about his anticipation of seeing her in two years for reconciliation and First Communion, encouraged her to love Jesus, say prayers, etc. But you’d better do it ASAP–and good luck and God bless.

 

[beckyann2597]

The age of reason is age 8, so children under that age are still building their conscience and are not yet fully responcible for their actions. They are still just learning. My daughter made her first reconciliation in the 2nd grade when most kids are 8 also. You can explain to her that the prayer that we say during mass cleansed her sins well enough but before she recieves communion for the first time, she does need to confess those mistakes to a priest. This is the prayer during mass that I am talking about…
I confess to almighty God, and to you my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what I have failed to do. I ask blessed Mary ever Virgin, all the angels and saints, and you my brothers and sisters, to pray for me to the Lord our God. Amen.

Hope that helps!–Rebecca

 

[cargopilot]

I’m just now reading the letter linked below. I’m going back to this and other documents for further study.

A LETTER FROM THE VATICAN:
FIRST PENANCE, FIRST COMMUNION

“The age of -discretion both for confession and for communion is the age in which the child begins to reason, i.e. around the seventh year, either before or after. From that time begins the obligation of satisfying both the precept of confession and of communion.”

At this point, I won’t have time to arrange any special meeting with Father. I’m just going to go to confession tomorrow, as normal. While she waits outside, I’ll just explain to Father what happened, what I said, her feelings of guilt and leave it up to him. I’m certain he’ll know what to do. There shouldn’t be more than the few ‘regulars’ waiting, and if we work at being the last in line, I think Father might step out and say hi to her. I’ll just step back and let what happens, happen. I know she feels very guilty, right now, and this may just very well be a defining moment.

I know that first confession is dreaded by most, and often forced, leaving the child with a bad taste for what should be a most cherished Sacrament. I want her first experience with reconciliation to be the healing, joyous moment it truly is. I believe this may just be a moment to be seized but not forced. Again, I’m going to let Father and then her decide what to do, right then and there.

Who can remember their first confession? Was it forced? Did you do it because your parents make you, or did the need arise, spontaniously? Who had a positive experience with first confession? What made it ‘right’?

 

[Princess_Abby]

I certainly wasn’t scarred by my first confession. I was pretty excited to get a particular sin off my soul, even at the age of 7.

I think it would be pretty easy to ask Father to talk to her. I have brought along many a-wandering non-Catholic friend to reconciliation before–not to receive the sacrament, but to receive direction. Just clearly state she has not been prepared for the sacrament yet and ask if he is willing to talk to her.

 

[SemperJase]

cargopilot:

I believe this may just be a moment to be seized but not forced. Again, I’m going to let Father and then her decide what to do, right then and there.

I think you’ve hit on exactly the right course. Tell the father what she wants and let him decide how to handle it.

cargopilot:

Who can remember their first confession? Was it forced? Did you do it because your parents make you, or did the need arise, spontaniously? Who had a positive experience with first confession? What made it ‘right’?

I remember my first confession since it was less than a year ago right before Easter last year. No, my parents didn’t force me as I was 35 at the time

 

[Giannawannabe]

There is preparation that needs to be done before making First Confession. However, I would definitely allow your daughter to go into the confessional (after you’ve prepped Father), and simply talk to him. What a wonderful example you have set!!!

 

[cargopilot]

My DW’s first communion was in second grade followed by first confession in the fifth. (Cart before the horse?)

She remembers hers as a real drag. She and her friends got together and made up a bunch of ‘stupid stuff’ just to get it over with. She said everybody hated it, dreaded the day, suffered through it and never wanted to do it again, which of course, most never did. To hear her recollect her experience just seemed so ‘mechanical’. I envisioned a bunch of robot kids parading into the confessional. After all these years, it’s unlikely she’ll ever feel the way I do about the Sacrament, and that’s sad.

As an adult convert of many years, it seems to me that confession should be done when you NEED it, not when some teacher says to do it. Just like creating beautiful art, one needs the inspiration before-hand. Who hasn’t been able to do anything requiring feelings, emotion and creativity without the proper inspiration? If I had to ‘do confession’ on somebody else’s schedule, it wouldn’t be any good at all. It’s not like some math assignment that can be performed on command. But then, I WANTED to be Catholic, and as a young adult who had aimlessly wandered adrift, this Sacrament was/is to me anything but a drag. I simply couldn’t imagine my life without it.

I want my children to have the same feeling that I do about it. To me, that means everything to do with the first experiences must accentuate the positive, have no set schedule, not forced but available when the moment is just right. For this, I think timing is everything.

 

[stadre]

We felt that our daughter was ready for confession around the time that she turned six. Our priest was a firm believer that age of reason happens at 7. (It’s just something magical that happens overnight!? ) We started praying an act of contrition at bedtime and explained that until she was 7 she would not need to confess her sins.

We had been preparing her, through homeschooling, for first confession and communion since kindergarten. (We don’t do CCD.) She had a thorough understanding of both by the time she turned 7 last summer. We were just about to speak with our priest about her first confession when we found out that DH would be deploying in December and would be gone for around 10 months. At that time we spoke to our priest. She had her first confession a week later and first communion Thanksgiving weekend.

I am thankful that we have had priests who were open to parents teaching their children and that the sacraments should be made available when the children are ready, not according to the CCD schedule.

Please let us know what your priest had to say and I suggest talking to him to see if you can speed up the process.

 

[cargopilot]

I took her with me, as usual. She had been looking forward to going, and was very excited. It seemed odd for anyone, but especially a child, to be so excited about going to confession, but she was really feeling pretty bad about what she had done, and wanted to put a period on it. I suppose I too, look forward to and get excited about this Sacrament, but I’ve always been a little odd.

I was in no hurry and wanted to be last. We sat in the Church, just spending some quiet time with Jesus. During that time, I asked if she was scared, and she said no. I reminded her that she didn’t have to do this at all, and there would be nothing wrong with deciding to not go in, but she said she wants to go. When it was my turn, after my confession, I briefed Father on what was going on and that she was just outside. I asked him to do whatever he wanted to and he reminded me that first confession wasn’t until second grade, but that he would let her come in and talk to her.

I walked out and he greeted her at the door, she went in, closed the door, and that’s about all I know. When she came out, she was happy and seemed very satisfied. In the car, she started to tell me she told Father what she had done, and I stopped her. I reminded her we never have to tell anyone, not even Daddy, what was said in there, and she said OK.

That was it. Was that her first confession? I don’t know, she thinks it was. I guess only God, Father and her know, for sure.

 

[stadre]

cargopilot:

That was it. Was that her first confession? I don’t know, she thinks it was. I guess only God, Father and her know, for sure.

I think you could ask the priest if she did receive the sacrament. I think you do need to know. After all, your daughter sounds like a considerate girl who will want to confess now when she feels she should (which is a great thing). But you need to know if that is what she did. If not, you will need to prepare her for the next time she wants to go.

I always tell my daughter that she doesn’t have to tell me anything, but does she want to share. Thus far, she has told me everything she will confess and what the priest said. But she has always been very big on confessing to me if she did something wrong. (My prayer is that she always stays that aware and concerned.) Our problem is that the last two times, I’ve had to plug my ears during her confession. The places weren’t very private (I can’t call them proper confessionals.), DD hasn’t mastered the need to whisper, and at the last one the priest has two volumes–loud and louder.

 

[puzzleannie]

Tantum ergo:

Since it is usually at 7, usually in second grade, you really should talk to your priest or consult your parish religious education program and see what their policy is. It is very unlikely that Father would just let her come in and confess. This is, after all, a SACRAMENT and your daughter deserves to be FULLY PREPARED.

if is primarily the role of the parents to prepare the child for first confession and first communion and OP is doing a beautiful job. It is also primarily the parent to judge the readiness of the child for the initial reception of these sacraments. This is ordinarily done in cooperation with the parish through whatever means they have in place to assist the parents, but it is the pastor who is the ultimate judge. The DRE, catechists etc. assist, but do not have the power to enforce a judgement. The RE program, Catholic school, parent meetings assist the parents but do not replace them.

7 is an arbitrary, not absolute age. If the bishop has said the sacraments will not be conferred before this age, so be it, he makes the law in his diocese. I think OP has decided to follow the wisest route in introducing daughter to the priest with a brief explanation of the situation.