Five Rules for Consoling the Dying (an article)

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Very nice. Thank you so much for posting it. It is hard for most of us to know what to say, especially for those of us who have not spent time at someone’s deathbed.

I avoided going to my Grandmother’s deathbed when I was in my late 20’s for this very reason. My voice is also so very deep, she couldn’t hear a word I said ten years before she passed. An insensitive, none the less, accurate Uncle told me at her viewing that I had been remiss about not going. I explained why, but he said, “Well she would have at least known you were there.”

He was being a bit harsh, and really, he didn’t know me at all, I was not close to anyone on that side of the family but her. I still feel awful about it, but that is just my baggage. She was I must say, the most wonderful Christian woman I have ever met.

During the Great Depression, she would make meals and pass out Bibles to homeless people at her back door. She never had an unkind word for me in my entire life. I miss her very much.
 
That article is very good.

The only thing I’d question is the voice level when dealing with the elderly. Many/most don’t have their hearing aids in when they are on their death beds. In the weeks and months leading up to that moment speak at whatever volume is needed. Never think they cannot hear you, hearing is one of the last things to shutdown. If you do need to talk about the patient, leave the room and far enough so they cannot hear. Otherwise yes talk to the patient even at the last hours, hold their hand if it isn’t uncomfortable for them ].

The point in the article of “telling the truth” to the dying, is very true, and very very hard. I think most of the white lies that get told are not so much to comfort the dying as because the living cannot bear to speak them.

One thing to remember when its finally time to say good bye and its been decided to let death come. Turn off any implanted pacemakers and defibrillation units. These things will keep a patient lingering on the edge for a long time sometimes, when nature would have stopped their suffering. It can only be done with doctors orders and so usually must be done during daytime hours.
 
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