Foccus test Monday...advice?

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Laurie_86

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So my fiance and I are taking the FOCCUS test on Monday with the Deacon at the church. I’m a bit nervous about it just because I don’t really know what the format of the questions are. I understand it is over money, children, communication, habits, spirituality, sex, and other issues of married life but how specific do the questions get? What do the questions look like? Examples of questions would be appreciated! 🙂

I feel like both of us are on the same page about a lot of things, but I also realize there’s probably a lot we haven’t talked about because we didn’t think to talk about it you know? What happens if this test says we’re completely on two different pages? Would the Deacon decide we can’t get married? Can he do that based off these test results?

I don’t want us to go into this test unprepared is all I’m nervous about. I don’t understand how anyone could use one test that happens one day to evaluate a couple. But at the same time I see that the answers could be useful in helping us discuss issues we didn’t think to discuss. So I’m not saying I think the test is wrong, I would just hate for the Deacon to base our entire relationship off one test. How accurate do you believe the FOCCUS results are?

Being new to Catholicism still in the process of converting I just want to do things right…my fiance keeps telling me it’ll be fine. Maybe this is me worrying too much over silly things! Thanks for putting up with it! lol :rolleyes:
 
Just answer honestly. It’s not an exam. The questions are multiple choice and are scored electronically.

The way you are prepared is to know yourself. This sounds strange, but it’s all you can do to prepare for the test is to know your own heart and your own feelings and beliefs on the various topics. The test will compare how you think with how your fiance thinks and then compare and contrast the answers. You will then sit down and go over the answers.

I personally did not feel there was a great deal of value in this test, but then again we talked about EVERYTHING during our over one year engagement, so none of the questions were anything we had not already discussed.

You will be fine - just pray for patience, and the wisdom and faith to answer from your heart.

Congratulations on your engagement!

~Liza
 
Laurie_86 said:
So my fiance and I are taking the FOCCUS test on Monday with the Deacon at the church. I’m a bit nervous about it just because I don’t really know what the format of the questions are. I understand it is over money, children, communication, habits, spirituality, sex, and other issues of married life but how specific do the questions get? What do the questions look like? Examples of questions would be appreciated! 🙂

I feel like both of us are on the same page about a lot of things, but I also realize there’s probably a lot we haven’t talked about because we didn’t think to talk about it you know? What happens if this test says we’re completely on two different pages? Would the Deacon decide we can’t get married? Can he do that based off these test results?

I don’t want us to go into this test unprepared is all I’m nervous about. I don’t understand how anyone could use one test that happens one day to evaluate a couple. But at the same time I see that the answers could be useful in helping us discuss issues we didn’t think to discuss. So I’m not saying I think the test is wrong, I would just hate for the Deacon to base our entire relationship off one test. How accurate do you believe the FOCCUS results are?

Being new to Catholicism still in the process of converting I just want to do things right…my fiance keeps telling me it’ll be fine. Maybe this is me worrying too much over silly things! Thanks for putting up with it! lol :rolleyes:
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Hey!

Fist off, congrats on getting engaged 🙂

One thing that was helpful when I took the test the first time (DH and I have taken it twice) was that the person giving it to us was very clear that this was a snapshot of you at that time. The second time we took it, this proved to be true. We took it on perhaps the absolute worst night of our marriage (we took the second one for a convalidation)and when we got the results back, the lady that discussed them with us was like, wow, you guys have a lot to work out. In reality it was just that we were really upset with each other the night we took it and it showed in our results 😛

My advice would be to answer the questions as you normally would on any given day. If there is a lingering problem, then indicate it, but if your soon-to-be hubby is 99% of the time understanding, but at that point in time he is not, then indicate that he is understanding.

I hope all of this makes sense!
 
A Priest or Deacon cannot forbid you from getting married as long as both parties are able to be married in the Church. The test just points out any issues you may need to discuss. They may recommend that you postpone your wedding to discuss issues more.

There were several things that came up on the test for my wife and me. Many of the issues we were already aware of, such as our different levels of spirituality. I believe there was really only one or two things that we said “oh, yeah, I guess we should talk about that”.

Of course we were dating for 8 years before we got married.
 
We did this test as part of our marriage prep. I did not think it was that great- the wording of the questions led to discrepancies in mine and DH’s answers (he thought it meant something different so our responses were off). For us there were complications because we were long distance so some things just didn’t apply.
You have to read them carefully! But really it’s nothing to worry about- if your answers were off, they’ll address them when the results come back and you can clarify in person what you really meant. And some of them are no-brainers (I would hope) about abuse and addictions. For couples that may not have dated long it could open good discussion, but we’d been together 6 yrs so really no surprises!
 
Test is the wrong word for this. As many other people have pointed out, the whole purpose of the Foccus Exercise is to guide you in discussions of important areas of married life so you find out ahead of time potential issues. There is nothing to be scared of or nervous about. You can’t fail the test, you just might need lots of discussion to come to terms with each other.
 
Nechasin said:
Test is the wrong word for this. As many other people have pointed out, the whole purpose of the Foccus Exercise is to guide you in discussions of important areas of married life so you find out ahead of time potential issues. There is nothing to be scared of or nervous about. You can’t fail the test, you just might need lots of discussion to come to terms with each other.
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I just want to echo this. There is no “test” here: FOCCUS is an assessment tool - for YOU. It’s a fascinating and informative aide-- not something you can pass or fail.
 
Congratulations on your engagement!

I remember feeling a little nervous about taking the FOCCUS, too. But other than being a bit long, it all went just fine.

If you find yourself stressing about the FOCCUS, hopefully it will help to think of it in this way. It’s simply a tool for marriage prep that will help you and your fiance identify any specific issues that you differ on, or haven’t talked about yet. It sounds like you have a good idea of the basic topics covered on it.

It’s just meant to identify those issues in order to give you and your fiance time to dissuss and work through those issues together on your own time prior to marriage. That way, you can already have come to agreements and have gotten on the same page with respect to those topics ahead of time. It’s a good tool, because having that feedback does give you a structure, and some ideas of topics you might not have otherwise thought about.

Best wishes in your marriage prep, your wedding planning, and your marriage!
 
My copy of Focus is 8 years old but here is a sample of the questions:
  1. I am nearly always relaxed around my future spouse.
  2. My future spouse and I have not discussed how our religious beliefs and values will affect the decisions we make.
  3. We have discussed the ways our families solve problems and how this may affect our problem-solving.
On a separate sheet you darken the circle for the answer
Code: 
          Agree       Disagree      Uncertain
  1. Code: 
             O                O                 O
  2. Code: 
             O                O                 O
  3. O O O
 
Don’t worry about this sweetie, the test is mostly a coaching tool, meant to highlight areas that y’all might need to talk about in more detail.
 
My suggestion is don’t look at is like a test and to be honest with yourself when you answer the questions.
 
Aww thank you guys for the encouragement!! My fiance is a great guy so I’m really glad to be on this road with him. He has been telling me I’m worried over nothing. He’s great at keeping a level head. lol

I’m glad to know it’s not a pass or fail test like I thought it was. Now that I know it’s meant to show us areas we should discuss more on I know we’ll be fine. I’m still fairly new in the parish and have no experience with the Deacon who is giving us the FOCCUS so I just wasn’t sure what his reaction could be our results.

I’ll make sure my fiance knows the wording could be tricky but not to worry about it. And the examples of questions are a big help we can totally do those!

Also since I’m new to the whole Catholic wedding preparation are there any good books or websites that can help us with planning the readings and songs? Our parish really hasn’t given us anything yet…and I tend to be a bit of a planner! lol

Thanks y’all are great! 😃
 
Laurie- likely at one of your meetings with your priest or at marriage prep you will be given a booklet with popular selections of readings, psalms, blessings to choose from. When we got ours we sat down and picked out which ones suited us best. I had some hymns in mind when I met with the organist and he made suggestions too for the processional, etc and I was very pleased with the music. Good luck, planning the Mass is the best part. Way better than trying to deal with DJs and caterers.
 
Laurie… My husband and I had a great time with the foccus test… it is only meant to show areas where you might need to work on or that may be problems… DH and I both have really screwed up families so we knew it was gonna be a blast… the questions about if Future MIL and you get along… hahahahaa!!! We had the pastor cracking up and in the end he asked if we wanted to skip the nuptial mass and get married before the relatives showed up in town…
 
The FOCCUS is just a tool for identifying things you and your fiance need to talk about before marriage. 🙂 I remember when DH and I took ours, we had trouble with a few questions because we interpreted them differently based on the wording.We joked around about “failing” because DH isn’t Catholic, but it really doesn’t work that way.

Some of the questions are out in left field. I remember one question like, “Have you ever had any homosexual feelings or urges?” Now that IS a legitimate question because that can affect the validity of a marriage, but it just made DH and I giggle, because we’re silly like that. 😛

As far as good sites, I know Lizaanne runs a forum for Catholic brides, so you may want to shoot her a PM. I used the book “Your Catholic Wedding” by Chris Aridas. It has the readings, the order of the ceremony, and other helpful stuff. My priest gave me another booklet (the name escapes me now) that had the readings in it as well.
 
Don’t worry - this is just an evaluation that creates talking points between you, your df, and the deacon/priest. It was a great experience for my dh and I who just went through it and often brings up things you never even knew you were supposed to be talking about. Take care,

God bless and good luck on your amazing comittment to a new vocation,
 
one piece of advice, especially if you are a slow reader go to the bathroom before you start. it is a LONG test.

and if one of you reads a lot faster than the other bring something, i was done almost an hour before my wife.
 
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