Focusing With My Children At Mass

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El_Kevino

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I’m wanting to purchase a missal to get more involved in the mass. However, my wife and I have a tough time focusing in church on a deeper level because of our children. They aren’t really misbehaving, but they require enough attention that I won’t be able to focus on a missal. Any suggestions for how to get kids (around the ages of 3-5) a little more independent in mass? Clarification, I’m not aiming for total independence; I understand that their age won’t allow for that. Just looking for some tips. Thanks.
 
I’ve heard from other parents who tell me that they attended separate Masses–Dad would go while Mom stayed home with the children, and then Mom would go while Dad stayed home.

Frankly, I think that’s a good idea. I really don’t buy the idea that children need to attend Mass while they are toddlers and babies to be able to receive “graces.” I am a strong believer in childhood “readiness”. This applies to all aspects of child-rearing; e.g., reading readiness, weaning readiness, sleeping readiness, school readiness, sports readiness, etc. I believe that parents need to follow their own child’s “readiness” cues and introduce concepts and activities as the child is ready to assimilate them in a positive way.

So I think it would be better to teach the littlest ones about God at home until they’re around 3.5 or 4 and demonstrate the ability to sit still and not make noise for longer than a minute (!), and then begin taking them to Mass for just a few minutes and then taking them home (one parent would stay), and gradually increasing the time at Mass as the child demonstrates the ability to stay reasonably still and quiet.

Also, I think that anytime there is something in the parish that is geared towards little ones, it’s good to be there with the children so that they understand early that “church” is a place where they will be cherished and meet other people who believe in Jesus and love Him.

I used this technique with my children in Protestant worship services (which last much longer than Masses, and include a 30-45 minutes SERMON!), and it worked beautifully. I always prepared them for what they would see and hear in the service, and since I was involved with the church music, I would teach them the hymns so that they could sing along–we got some really interesting looks from people in front of us when our tiny girls were singing all the verses of hymns like “Holy Holy Holy”!

The result was the my girls looked forward to going to “the Big Church” as I called it, and didn’t whine or complain about being bored because they weren’t expected to sit quietly for an hour and a half when they weren’t ready to do that. And we didn’t have to keep getting up and bringing them out into in the narthex.

Hope this is helpful. If it sounds Protestant–well, keep in mind that Protestant churches seem to have a better record at retaining people than Catholic churches. I can see why parents get weary of wrestling with their children at Mass and start “skipping Mass” and then gradually lose interest in ever going back, and perhaps eventually start attending a Protestant church that has a nursery and a full program of teaching and activities for ages 2-6 while the parents are enjoying the worship service.
 
Consider that in the circumstances you are in, that when you lovingly tend to the little children you are teaching them. It sounds to me that it would be better to offer up the love and patience you are using at Mass, than following everything with a missal.

That is the way you can do it if you want to be together as a family at Mass.
 
For the 5 year old, a children’s missal with pictures can be helpful. Even if they can’t read, they can follow along. That can be helpful in multiple ways. Not the least of which is cutting down on the number of times you hear “how much looooooonger”. Once their reading skills get good enough, a subscription to Magnifikid can be very helpful as well. It has most of the parts printed and makes it so much easier for those who are still learning to participate.

If you figure out the 3 year old, let me know though. My youngest is giving me a run for my money.

Beyond that, I agree with those above who say that this is a season and you may not get that deeper connection for a while. And that’s ok.

My last piece of advice is to prepare ahead of time. Read the readings before you go. Glance through any of the prayers that change. Read any notes from the missal ahead of time. It makes it easier if you do miss something while tending to someone else. That will probably help even more because children aren’t the only potential distractions and this prepares you regardless of the cause.
 
I guess independent might be a bad way to explain it. What I mean in teach them so that they can get more involved in mass. They’re well behaved; just looking for how to get the most out of mass for the whole family. Someone suggested a child/toddler missal for the older child. Just looking for some tips. Thanks.
 
I like the idea for the children’s missal and reading ahead of time. Thanks!

Like you say, the little ones do present a bit more of a challenge.
 
That is what we do. I just offer up the fact that I cannot participate as fully as I would want due to making the effort to see the kids learning and growing at Mass.

Some choose to go separately, and we have done that as well.
 
Peeps said:
I’ve heard from other parents who tell me that they attended separate Masses–Dad would go while Mom stayed home with the children, and then Mom would go while Dad stayed home.
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I was one of seven. Years of parents attending separate Masses so one was always at home with the children too young to go. I remember growing up and realizing the space in the “crying” room was fairly minimal compared to the size of the church so my parents could not have been the only ones who handled small children and Mass that way.

My current parish does not even have a “crying” room. But interruptions are rare so it must be most of the infants and small children are kept at home.
 
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