Following my Vocation - Family Objection + How to Tell My Employer

[maryslittlegirl]

Hello!
I am a Catholic girl, 27 years old, and has been discerning about my vocation to the contemplative order since my university days (been visiting the monastery, talking to the vocation directress etc etc). Recently it seemed that God has made it clear to me that it is right to follow this vocation and I am excited to say yes! 2 practical questions here:

1. The order asks me to come for a 3-month live-in period (observership) - I am working in tech, in a company that is pretty liberal (ie we hardly talk about religion at work). Any suggestion on how I should go about informing my employer to take a 3 month ‘sabbatical’ (from which I may not return)? Should I just leave my job?
2. My parents (especially my mom) have not been very supportive - they keep alluding to ‘you can serve God well as laity’, which I agree in principle, but I feel that I am going against God’s will if I don’t at least go for this live-in intensive discernment period as I feel a strong call to the religious life in my heart. My mom’s concern is primarily that 1) it’ll be difficult/ impossible to meet if I enter the cloister, and 2) concern that once they pass away, nobody will be there to take care of my brother who’s emotionally rather unstable.

Any advice about either/ both the above will be much appreciated! In the meantime, please pray for me & my family, especially for courage and surrender in the Lord.

Blessed Easter

 

[Tis_Bearself]

The order asks me to come for a 3-month live-in period (observership) - I am working in tech, in a company that is pretty liberal (ie we hardly talk about religion at work). Any suggestion on how I should go about informing my employer to take a 3 month ‘sabbatical’ (from which I may not return)? Should I just leave my job?

I don’t know where you’re located, but if it’s a tech firm in the USA, people wouldn’t find it too odd that someone wanted to go meditate at a monastery (you don’t have to explain what religion or why you’re doing it). Tech people often have such esoteric interests. The more pressing issue would be whether your company would be okay with you taking a 3 month sabbatical. Some tech companies have policies allowing for that kind of thing. But other companies might not be able to handle somebody being gone for that long of a time, and might fire you or put you on the short list to be let go later on. I’d suggest you look into whether your employer has such a policy before you have a talk with your boss about it. If the company is not friendly to your plan of taking leave and coming back later - which might be the case given that employers right now are all under the gun economically due to the COVID shutdown - you might just have to leave your job and, if the monastery thing doesn’t work out, look for a new job.

 

[TomH1]

I am sure this must happen all the time. I know as a parent when your children are born you have a future plan for them in your mind. Your mother has probably always seen you in her mind on your wedding day and providing her with grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with that.

However I know I have done things in life that did not make my parents happy. I try to recall that when I have tried to stop my own children doing something. It does not always work as it would in a perfect world.

I think you should most definitely go and discern your vocation. If no one wanted to disappoint their parents we probably would not have any religious. Without this discernment process you will never know the answer, which is vitally important to you.

You are not a teenager and your parents should respect your wishes.

What I would not do, though, is to give your mother false hope. Please do not say something along the lines that you never know it may not work out. She will grasp and cling onto that. If you do choose this discernment then I think your mother needs to know that it is your intention to see it fully through.

As for never seeing you again what you need to do is make enquiries and find out just what links with family the order will allow. It varies from order to order so get the information from the outset.

With regards to your brother I am afraid your mother is resorting to emotional blackmail because she sees everything else she is doing to try to dissuade you is not working. You cannot stay for that reason. Your parents have to be the ones who make arrangements for his care when they can no longer provide it.

As for your employer I see only one option and that is honesty. Tell them what your plans are. They may ask you to leave and if they do you will have to leave. It happens to others discerning the religious life. If they are willing to allow you unpaid leave of absence for three months all the better. Until you initiate the conversation you will not know.

 

[Glennon_P]

I suggest you go.

I entered the seminary after my graduation from college, and while I discerned that was not the vocation I was called to, I have never ever regretted the year I spent there. It deepened my relationship with God in ways that continue to bless me even after 30+ years.

I was in the same situation you are - albeit a little younger - and thought that if I never went to the seminary I would always wonder about it. My year there gave me a clarity about my vocation that I would not have had otherwise.

About a month after I decided to enter, I was offered a dream job for someone in my field of study. It was tempting! But I turned it down and through the years God has always provided me with a satisfying and rewarding job. I believe He will do the same for you, no matter how things turn out with your employer.

 

[Cloisters]

Welcome to CAF, @maryslittlegirl!

First, speak with Human Resources regarding a 3 month leave-of-absence. That’s usually the official term used in business. Sabbatical is more along the lines of educational/clerical absences. Find out from them first to see what the policy is, then breach the subject with your direct supervisor.

Secondly, a three month observership is not entrance to perpetual profession. Those three months will help you zero in on God’s will. A friend of Passionist nuns told me about a lady executive who entered their monastery. She had no problem with wearing $600 boots when she entered. When she left, she was more focused on the souls of her neice and nephew.

I understand your mom’s objections to your entrance. My own parents had the same concern. Dad was afraid he’d never see me again.

I hope your family would use this time during the observership to seek out resources for your brother. Even if you didn’t enter religious life, and something happened to you, you still wouldn’t be there to take care of your brother. We have to plan for all contigencies.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters, O.P.
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/