For I was in prison

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On a related note…

I’ve been writing to several death row inmates for 10 + years now. I try to share my faith with them, and one has since joined the Church (due to the grace of God… not my doing, I assure you). One of the inmates I write to is in Florida but is originally from West Virginia. He has an unusual last name.

We lived out in the boondocks several years ago, and a woman moved across the street. She’s originally from West Virginia. Her last name was one of those Slavic names - difficult for me to remember, pronounce, or spell. She told me to call her by her maiden name… the same last name as the inmate I was writing to.

I contacted the inmate I write to and mentioned that I’d met someone who was from his home state with his last name. He gave me permission to tell her about him. It turns out that they were first cousins, and had lost touch many years ago. They wound up corresponding with each other, and ultimately she and I went down to Florida to visit him.

While waiting to visit, we talked with family members of the inmates. For the most part, they seemed like nice people. Genuinely nice people. And I remember talking with one woman in particular who traveled 800 miles or so from her home at every opportunity to visit with her son. (He has since been executed.)

At that time, Florida was the only state I’m aware of that permitted “contact visits” with death row inmates. After we we “frisked”, we were conducted into a room that had tables, chairs, vending machines, and guards. There were probably 15 or so inmates who came in to visit, and probably 40 or so people altogether in the room. People were playing checkers, talking, visiting with their children, milling around, eating chips… The really odd thing to me is that the room and the people in it seemed so ordinary. Had there been no guards, and had the prisoners been in street clothes rather than prison uniforms, it would have seemed just like being in a cafeteria at a factory. Except for the prison uniforms, there really wasn’t much to distinguish the inmates from anyone else.

Now, let me say right off that very likely the inmates in that room were guilty, and they were most likely guilty of a heinous crime. I do not advocate letting them out on the streets. But they are human beings with wives and children and parents. I felt tremendous sadness for their families and for the families of their victims.

These men have taken aHUGE wrong turn, and they will rightfully pay a price for that in our legal system. But as I left that room, I felt much like the words spoken by Fulton Sheen in an earlier post in that thread. Rather than wanting to condemn these men, I recognized that “there but for the grace of God, go I.”
 
So let me play devil’s advocate here, since if I were to start corresponding, I know my cynical fiance will have comments…

In fact, I don’t think he is too keen on my mailing a former coworker who is in jail for killing someone. Yes, she is guilty, but I believe it was a form of self-defense in that she was a long time abused wife. However, there was a crack down on "gun crime’ in the city, and there was just no understanding of abuse and the effects on one’s thinking… But I digress…

How do you ensure actual safety? My SO would say… ‘they have your name, your address, etc.’ What’s to stop them from coming to you after they get out?

Now, some of my questions…

How do you find them? Have any of them asked for money or items? Have you ever been uncomfortable in the communication?

I hate to pry, but I am very curious about this.
 
So let me play devil’s advocate here, since if I were to start corresponding, I know my cynical fiance will have comments…

In fact, I don’t think he is too keen on my mailing a former coworker who is in jail for killing someone. Yes, she is guilty, but I believe it was a form of self-defense in that she was a long time abused wife. However, there was a crack down on "gun crime’ in the city, and there was just no understanding of abuse and the effects on one’s thinking… But I digress…

How do you ensure actual safety? My SO would say… ‘they have your name, your address, etc.’ What’s to stop them from coming to you after they get out?

Now, some of my questions…

How do you find them? Have any of them asked for money or items? Have you ever been uncomfortable in the communication?

I hate to pry, but I am very curious about this.
So if I was to correspond I would use a PO box. I’ve been taught to never give out personal information…or give them anything that they ask for. If they want something they are to go through the proper channels; ie the Chaplain etc.
 
So if I was to correspond I would use a PO box. I’ve been taught to never give out personal information…or give them anything that they ask for. If they want something they are to go through the proper channels; ie the Chaplain etc.
I have a PO box, but also a very unique Eastern European last name though…
 
So let me play devil’s advocate here, since if I were to start corresponding, I know my cynical fiance will have comments…

In fact, I don’t think he is too keen on my mailing a former coworker who is in jail for killing someone. Yes, she is guilty, but I believe it was a form of self-defense in that she was a long time abused wife. However, there was a crack down on "gun crime’ in the city, and there was just no understanding of abuse and the effects on one’s thinking… But I digress…

How do you ensure actual safety? My SO would say… ‘they have your name, your address, etc.’ What’s to stop them from coming to you after they get out?

Now, some of my questions…

How do you find them? Have any of them asked for money or items? Have you ever been uncomfortable in the communication?

I hate to pry, but I am very curious about this.
I found the first 2 death row inmate I write to through a European group opposed to capital punishment. (We’re one of the few “civilized countries” using the death penalty.) As strange as it sounds, I feel safer writing to inmates on death row than I would writing to someone who will be paroled in a few years. The guys I write to won’t be getting out.

With my first letter to an inmate, I make it clear what my purposes are - to share my faith and provide some friendship from the outside. I make it clear that I am not going to be a “cash cow”. One inmate I wrote to wouldn’t respect that. I gave him one warning, he didn’t pay attention, and I told him I would no longer write to him.

One guy I write to is very childlike and at one point he shared things that made me a bit uneasy. He asked if I wanted him to write to me about sexual abuse he was subjected to as a child, and I said No. I set firm consistent limits with him, and he has since respected that.

I think the most important thing for me has been to make my boundaries clear from the git-go.

By the way, at one point after someone I wrote to had died I asked the guys I write to if they could suggest another penpal for me. They were very protective, making sure that they didn’t give my name to someone who would take advantage. I’ve found them to be respectful, but I’ve made sure to do a little research on the guys I write to so that I won’t forget that they’re in prison for horrible crimes. I don’t want to be naive.
 
HI NCSue!, I was wondering I write to prisoners in other country’s from VOM and they help you put together a letter in their own language I was wondering if they have that here? would anyone know? It would be nice to write to those who cannot speak as good englisg so they have a little mail also. Just wondering. I do have a priest I write to in NH State but i have not herd from him in a while. Love of Chrsit Nancy
 
On a related note…

I’ve been writing to several death row inmates for 10 + years now. I try to share my faith with them, and one has since joined the Church (due to the grace of God… not my doing, I assure you). One of the inmates I write to is in Florida but is originally from West Virginia. He has an unusual last name.

We lived out in the boondocks several years ago, and a woman moved across the street. She’s originally from West Virginia. Her last name was one of those Slavic names - difficult for me to remember, pronounce, or spell. She told me to call her by her maiden name… the same last name as the inmate I was writing to.

I contacted the inmate I write to and mentioned that I’d met someone who was from his home state with his last name. He gave me permission to tell her about him. It turns out that they were first cousins, and had lost touch many years ago. They wound up corresponding with each other, and ultimately she and I went down to Florida to visit him.

While waiting to visit, we talked with family members of the inmates. For the most part, they seemed like nice people. Genuinely nice people. And I remember talking with one woman in particular who traveled 800 miles or so from her home at every opportunity to visit with her son. (He has since been executed.)

At that time, Florida was the only state I’m aware of that permitted “contact visits” with death row inmates. After we we “frisked”, we were conducted into a room that had tables, chairs, vending machines, and guards. There were probably 15 or so inmates who came in to visit, and probably 40 or so people altogether in the room. People were playing checkers, talking, visiting with their children, milling around, eating chips… The really odd thing to me is that the room and the people in it seemed so ordinary. Had there been no guards, and had the prisoners been in street clothes rather than prison uniforms, it would have seemed just like being in a cafeteria at a factory. Except for the prison uniforms, there really wasn’t much to distinguish the inmates from anyone else.

Now, let me say right off that very likely the inmates in that room were guilty, and they were most likely guilty of a heinous crime. I do not advocate letting them out on the streets. But they are human beings with wives and children and parents. I felt tremendous sadness for their families and for the families of their victims.

These men have taken aHUGE wrong turn, and they will rightfully pay a price for that in our legal system. But as I left that room, I felt much like the words spoken by Fulton Sheen in an earlier post in that thread. Rather than wanting to condemn these men, I recognized that “there but for the grace of God, go I.”
I have a man that I visit on death row. They used to do visits the same way, but one day a fight broke out, so now all of the inmates are in separate “cages” with their visitors. It was a little unnerving at first, but I guess I’m kind of used to it now.

I have to respect what you said about “there but for the grace of God, go I”. It’s so true, isn’t it? When talking with my condemned friend, (and yes, he has become a friend) I realized that much of our history mirrors the other’s. It’s a little scary to think that if I had only continued down the path I was on, who knows? It could very well have been me that ended up on death row.

One thing that came to me over and over as I prayed about whether or not to begin a prison ministry…God’s mercy is for everyone…not just nice people. 🙂
 
HI NCSue!, I was wondering I write to prisoners in other country’s from VOM and they help you put together a letter in their own language I was wondering if they have that here? would anyone know? It would be nice to write to those who cannot speak as good englisg so they have a little mail also. Just wondering. I do have a priest I write to in NH State but i have not herd from him in a while. Love of Chrsit Nancy
Hi Nancy -

I don’t know what VOM refers to. Sorry, can’t help you there.
 
I have a man that I visit on death row. They used to do visits the same way, but one day a fight broke out, so now all of the inmates are in separate “cages” with their visitors. It was a little unnerving at first, but I guess I’m kind of used to it now.

I have to respect what you said about “there but for the grace of God, go I”. It’s so true, isn’t it? When talking with my condemned friend, (and yes, he has become a friend) I realized that much of our history mirrors the other’s. It’s a little scary to think that if I had only continued down the path I was on, who knows? It could very well have been me that ended up on death row.

One thing that came to me over and over as I prayed about whether or not to begin a prison ministry…God’s mercy is for everyone…not just nice people. 🙂
Hi Kristie -

I’m glad to know that you, too, are involved in a ministry with inmates on death row. Of the men I write to, only one has any sort of consistent family support. The rest… their penpals are their “family”.

I haven’t committed murder, but I’ve done things that I’m ashamed of and, like you, could well have wound up in prison had I continued on the same path. So I have some compassion for these guys. Not to excuse what they did… they left a path of destruction in their path. But I was blessed to be pulled back from disaster soon enough to keep me from winding up in similar shoes.
 
I have to commend you as well as all the folks that do prison ministry. It is hard to find people willing to step into prison’s let alone death row!! And you have a great penpal ministry going. We have a hard time recruiting men to go into the prisons, mostly women are interested. 🤷
 
I have to commend you as well as all the folks that do prison ministry. It is hard to find people willing to step into prison’s let alone death row!! And you have a great penpal ministry going. We have a hard time recruiting men to go into the prisons, mostly women are interested. 🤷
I just wish more people would be willing to do this, but I acknowledge that it can feel scary to start in something like this.

Keep up the good work with your ministry, Elizabeth.

God bless you.
 
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