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Peaceplz
Guest
Does anyone who’s been forced into marriage counseling have a positive outcome to share? I’m most interested in joint and individual counseling experiences. Tia.
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Does anyone who’s been forced into marriage counseling have a positive outcome to share? I’m most interested in joint and individual counseling experiences. Tia.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Welcome!
We cannot give specific advice, no more than carry on in therapy, prayer and living close to Jesus.
Some of the articles from the US Bishops might help
We cannot give specific advice, no more than carry on in therapy, prayer and living close to Jesus.
Some of the articles from the US Bishops might help
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Irishmom2
Guest
Your therapy will only work with time and honesty.
3 months is not a long time, you should try to be patient.
Also, we cannot help you address issues with your therapist or husband. You need to speak openly and honestly to them. If something isn’t working, let them know.
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Peaceplz
Guest
Thank you, there’s been no lack of either. I’m concerned that meeting separately instead of together is stretching out too long and that the issues we have together are not getting addressed.
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Retsel
Guest
“Forcing someone into counseling” The short answer is it wouldn’t work anyway.
Instead, understanding the dynamic’s of the counseling profession, a willingness to study and not waste time will give you greater edge than counseling alone.
Counselors, like contractors, mechanics, teachers, doctors, executives etc are people. Some do a great job, some okay and some should be in a different profession.
The obstacles to finding a good one are time, the area you live, and insurance/money.
The quickest approach is to talk to people, like me, who actually saved their marriage.
You will have to give intimate details of the marriage, not waste time and take real action steps.
Instead, understanding the dynamic’s of the counseling profession, a willingness to study and not waste time will give you greater edge than counseling alone.
Counselors, like contractors, mechanics, teachers, doctors, executives etc are people. Some do a great job, some okay and some should be in a different profession.
The obstacles to finding a good one are time, the area you live, and insurance/money.
The quickest approach is to talk to people, like me, who actually saved their marriage.
You will have to give intimate details of the marriage, not waste time and take real action steps.
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Peaceplz
Guest
Thank you Retsel, I did have a more detailed post initially but the responses received indicated that this forum will not address what I asked and I was told to continue counseling and prayer. This is great advise, and my prayers helped me confirm that I have a voice and must be heard/ask questions.
Husband and I began couples counseling together almost 4 months ago. Initially joint counseling and then individual sessions, husband and our therapist agreed we should continue separately for an undetermined amount of time. He has worked with our therapist previously for about a year on his depression and we all feel he is doing very well…including him; he is “awake” and enjoying life. She is a very good therapist and I personally like and respect her. I’m from a space where I worked with many Psys. and trust her. Our marriage issues are textbook boring, nothing brow lifting, but we are struggling. I can’t keep up with him due to a serious orthopedic operation I’m still healing from and during both his any my recovery our relationship has suffered and derailed. He became firm in our need for counseling, and now has his heals dug in deep that our marriage counseling should be separate.
We both contemplated divorce but ultimately agreed to saving our marriage. I’m frustrated sitting with our counselor privately. While I understand he needs time with her one-on-one, I’m running out of things to talk about. I have a pretty clear view of our issues and what I bring to those, but not working together on critical decisions isn’t good imo. Example: He recently made the decision to leave his work position (as an employee) and go independant. He’s currently the high wage earner, didn’t discuss this with me in advance but did talk with people he considers friends at work. It’s devine intervention that he was not fired during years of active depression.
This morning he told me he’d like to share his business plan with me and wants my participation. I support him, and believe he has a great business idea but have watched him and the triggers that have motivated his job changes over the past 20 years and fear this is more post-depression excitement. I want the opportunity to get guidance from our therapist together on how to approach this as it’s a huge life decision. He said he will not meet together with me now, he feels we are not ready and I need to demonstrate trust and faith and talk with him about his plan.
I’d appreciate feedback from those who have successfully worked through individual and couples therapy?
Husband and I began couples counseling together almost 4 months ago. Initially joint counseling and then individual sessions, husband and our therapist agreed we should continue separately for an undetermined amount of time. He has worked with our therapist previously for about a year on his depression and we all feel he is doing very well…including him; he is “awake” and enjoying life. She is a very good therapist and I personally like and respect her. I’m from a space where I worked with many Psys. and trust her. Our marriage issues are textbook boring, nothing brow lifting, but we are struggling. I can’t keep up with him due to a serious orthopedic operation I’m still healing from and during both his any my recovery our relationship has suffered and derailed. He became firm in our need for counseling, and now has his heals dug in deep that our marriage counseling should be separate.
We both contemplated divorce but ultimately agreed to saving our marriage. I’m frustrated sitting with our counselor privately. While I understand he needs time with her one-on-one, I’m running out of things to talk about. I have a pretty clear view of our issues and what I bring to those, but not working together on critical decisions isn’t good imo. Example: He recently made the decision to leave his work position (as an employee) and go independant. He’s currently the high wage earner, didn’t discuss this with me in advance but did talk with people he considers friends at work. It’s devine intervention that he was not fired during years of active depression.
This morning he told me he’d like to share his business plan with me and wants my participation. I support him, and believe he has a great business idea but have watched him and the triggers that have motivated his job changes over the past 20 years and fear this is more post-depression excitement. I want the opportunity to get guidance from our therapist together on how to approach this as it’s a huge life decision. He said he will not meet together with me now, he feels we are not ready and I need to demonstrate trust and faith and talk with him about his plan.
I’d appreciate feedback from those who have successfully worked through individual and couples therapy?
R
Retsel
Guest
I can’t find your previous posts, but no worries, what were the issues before you starting reaching out for help.
Please keep it as brief as possible. Single sentences work well.
Please keep it as brief as possible. Single sentences work well.
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Peaceplz
Guest
Help was needed as husband recovered from long term depression at the same time I approached major ortho surgery and am still in recovery. We discussed with therapist that he may have “woke up” as I became incapacitated and needed help. He was helpful during my recovery but became increasingly social. During my recovery I was unexpectedly housebound for the first 6 months due to complications but I persisted with exercise and more medical consults and now doing much better. Nothing he or I did crossed matrimonial boundaries but he became exceedingly social and involved in physical sports daily after work and weekends. Discussed this with therapist that the “wake up” might (or might not) be attributed to my needing help. I saw it as increasing abandonment and no, I have no history of abandonment issues
I became frustrated with his increasing activities that didn’t include me. Prior to his depression phase he engaged in a few days a week but now it seems like a marathon. I became angry and let him know it, he got tired of hearing it, we started counseling together. Now he wants to continue couples therapy indivdually–both of us seeing our therapist privately. He decided to leave his job, did not talk to be before his decision and his therapist was also caught off guard, the rest is posted above. Hope this clarifies and thank you.
I became frustrated with his increasing activities that didn’t include me. Prior to his depression phase he engaged in a few days a week but now it seems like a marathon. I became angry and let him know it, he got tired of hearing it, we started counseling together. Now he wants to continue couples therapy indivdually–both of us seeing our therapist privately. He decided to leave his job, did not talk to be before his decision and his therapist was also caught off guard, the rest is posted above. Hope this clarifies and thank you.
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Retsel
Guest
Before the operation, did he mention getting in shape one day, or have a weight, etc. issue?
How do you know that?
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Peaceplz
Guest
I trust him and have no reason to doubt his actions—our therapist also has a no-infidelity treatment clause. He has always done exercise throughout the years, so while not new the frequency has intensified. Therapist feels it could be related to years of severe depression and rebounding.
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Retsel
Guest
I understand, I really do, but… I know you’re not here for non-reasons. Something has seriously changed and your worried, as you should be.
An sudden increase in time away from you can mean an affair.
If so, your only real chance of stopping it is catching it early on.
Men/husbands can do very stupid things. Depression could make him ever more vulnerable to needy woman.
So,
Have you noticed an increase in his phone use at odd hours?
Does he guard it more then before?
As we speak, there are millions of spouses in the throws of divorce who now wish they hadn’t been so trusting.
An sudden increase in time away from you can mean an affair.
If so, your only real chance of stopping it is catching it early on.
Men/husbands can do very stupid things. Depression could make him ever more vulnerable to needy woman.
So,
Have you noticed an increase in his phone use at odd hours?
Does he guard it more then before?
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Peaceplz
Guest
I hear you loud and clear…if I was reading this, I’d ask the same. He is not guarding his phone or having an affair–I do know where he is and who he’s with. I’m an accountant and oversee our cash flow. Something was/is broken–me, physically. I managed mostly everything prior to surgery, then didn’t for a long time. I tend to think it’s more related with his recovery and that I pressed alot of buttons during the last year. I wasn’t pleasant during this time and own that.
I would like to hear from those who have completed individual and/or couples counseling successfully.
I would like to hear from those who have completed individual and/or couples counseling successfully.
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