Foreplay with wife is this wrong?

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Logan

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I have something that has been bothering me for a while now. My wife and I have 5 kids (8,7,2 1/2, 1 1/2, and newborn), so time to ourselves is sometimes scarce. Sometimes we wake up Saturday morning and just “touch” each other (foreplay) but we don’t have an orgasm, and then we won’t have actual relations until that night or the next night, would this be like mutual masturbation? I guess what I’m asking is it mortally sinful to do this and then not have relations until much later that day or the next day?
 
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CuriousInIL:
Though frankly, neither really clarified the issue much for me. I guess I am having trouble separating something that is “within the overall act of marital relations” from something that has “an unchaste purpose, such as climax outside of an act of marital relations.”
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Curious,

My knowledge of this is that “within the overall act of marital relations” means that the Chruch teaches that foreplay is acceptable (mutual masturbation, oral sex, etc) so long as the final act of all this ends with the male’s climax inside his wife during sexual intercourse. I heard Fr. Stan once say that you can “swing from the ceiling fan if you want so long as you end with sexual intercourse.” After the male’s climax, from what I have heard, it is still permissible for the woman to be stimulated and climax, so long as it is still within that same marital act.

As far as what Logan presented, I would have to say that I believe it was Van Halen that said it the best “C’mon baby finish what ya started!” 😃 Anyhow, I know that like you we have many distractions and the times that we have for out “alone time” can become less and less. By the time we have the time, we are both so tired. In your case, I think that a lot my lie with the intent of the acts that you are performing. If you know that you are not going to be able to complete the act, then I think that this may be bordering on sinful. Now I am rethinking that statement. I guess that brings up the question of what if you and your wife (for example) have a night planned out, a nice dinner, and you are planning to make love that night, when you talk on the phone, you tease each other about what will happen that night. Would that be sinful? Or foreplay?

I guess a lot of it would depend upon the intent of the act. For example if you and your wife started foreplay with the intent to end in intercourse, but were interupted by the kids, I would say that is not sinful. Would teasing be sinful? That is tough to say as that seems to be the root of your question. I am interested to see what others have to say.
 
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Logan:
I have something that has been bothering me for a while now. My wife and I have 5 kids (8,7,2 1/2, 1 1/2, and newborn), so time to ourselves is sometimes scarce. Sometimes we wake up Saturday morning and just “touch” each other (foreplay) but we don’t have an orgasm, and then we won’t have actual relations until that night or the next night, would this be like mutual masturbation? I guess what I’m asking is it mortally sinful to do this and then not have relations until much later that day or the next day?
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If neither partner is walking away feeling interrupted or frustrated or tempted to bring to conclusion in a solitary fashion the arousal that was started, I fail to see how this is sinful. Perhaps setting the alarm a bit earlier for an early morning “date” free of interruption to start the day? If anything, I would see this as an interlude to when you both are able to sit down and enjoy the full course of each other’s presence.
 
Any more thoughts on this? What if my wife and I are trying to not have a baby right now, so we are not going to have intercourse, within our foreplay we do not have an orgasm, and we do not have intercourse, is this mortally sinful? We have had 5 children and “might” have more down the road but for now we want to space our children. We have tried to learn NFP but it’s too complicated.
 
I also thought that foreplay with your spouse was o.k. as long as there was no climax. Maybe someone else can let us know about foreplay. Can husband and wife “enjoy each other’s company” in this way?
 
There really shouldn’t be a problem with this. The issue comes down to how far is too far. Our actions should be governed by prudence and temporance. A married couple engaging in what you are speaking of (without getting into specifics) would only become problematic if it became a habitual replacement for the marital act. You must govern yourself by the call to living a chaste marriage so that sexual purity becomes a joy.

I suggest getting the book “The Good News about Sex and Marriage” by Christopher West. It is written in a question and answer format and your answers may be found there.
 
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