Forgiveness possible?

[banffslovechild]

I found my faith when God sent Jesus to come to me in a vision when I prayed for His help when I was in Gr. 12. After, I transferred to a Catholic school, and continued to be blessed by God’s voice, and visions with Jesus. But then I met a boy, and mistakes started, and they continued with men, (I also smoked marijuana for a couple of years), until I got to the point where I was tired of making mistakes in regards to God; two weeks later, I ran into missionaries, and shortly after that, I was baptized. To me, it was saying that I would not make those mistakes again. Sadly, I made the same mistake again with two different boys, and with marijuana. I have not made mistakes since then, but in the wake of these mistakes, being pushed onto the path of right for what I feel is for good; as though I needed to make those mistakes after to truly be awakened to them, if you understand what I mean.

Before I end this, let me tell of why I truly believe I did the things that I did; if I did the things I did with these boys, I felt that they cared about me, when really I was being used for sexual activity (I never slept with any of them, except for one who I thought cared about me, but changed completely afterwards). I did not want to do these things, and always felt shame about it, for it was not who I was, but I could not stop attempting to pursue the feeling of being…cared about, loved. It is possible, in a school of thought, that this desire was instilled in me because of my father leaving when I was a child. I understand when you are baptized, all things previous are erased, but it is still with me slightly, but even more so the fact that I make the same mistakes again after, even though I immediatly, in the wake of what I had done, finally found myself on the right path. But I just cannot seem to forgive myself for it, for any of it, and I wonder, in the lue of the seeming absence of the relationship I ahd with God before (His voice, the visions), that what I have done is unforgiveable.

Please advise.

 

[ForMary]

I found my faith when God sent Jesus to come to me in a vision when I prayed for His help when I was in Gr. 12. After, I transferred to a Catholic school, and continued to be blessed by God’s voice, and visions with Jesus. But then I met a boy, and mistakes started, and they continued with men, (I also smoked marijuana for a couple of years), until I got to the point where I was tired of making mistakes in regards to God; two weeks later, I ran into missionaries, and shortly after that, I was baptized. To me, it was saying that I would not make those mistakes again. Sadly, I made the same mistake again with two different boys, and with marijuana. I have not made mistakes since then, but in the wake of these mistakes, being pushed onto the path of right for what I feel is for good; as though I needed to make those mistakes after to truly be awakened to them, if you understand what I mean.

Before I end this, let me tell of why I truly believe I did the things that I did; if I did the things I did with these boys, I felt that they cared about me, when really I was being used for sexual activity (I never slept with any of them, except for one who I thought cared about me, but changed completely afterwards). I did not want to do these things, and always felt shame about it, for it was not who I was, but I could not stop attempting to pursue the feeling of being…cared about, loved. It is possible, in a school of thought, that this desire was instilled in me because of my father leaving when I was a child. I understand when you are baptized, all things previous are erased, but it is still with me slightly, but even more so the fact that I make the same mistakes again after, even though I immediatly, in the wake of what I had done, finally found myself on the right path. But I just cannot seem to forgive myself for it, for any of it, and I wonder, in the lue of the seeming absence of the relationship I ahd with God before (His voice, the visions), that what I have done is unforgiveable.

Please advise.

You are not the Judge of yourself and God has already forgiven you. You were forgiven when Jesus died on the cross. You are the one sheep that Jesus would leave the other 99 for to find if you were lost (and it sounds like you are). You are the one who God longs to reconcile with.

You do these things because God is missing in your life. We humans are broken and only God can fix us. Looking in the wrong place for a quick “feel good” moment is not what you need, you need a “feel good” way of life. That is putting God at the center of your life.

Tell yourself over and over, “I forgive you, I forgive you…” and eventually you might believe it. Let go of the hold you have over yourself, you are loved and lovable. The Holy Spirit resides in you right now and is suggesting a path, try to listen for it.

You are in my prayers, also, I recommend going to confession to receive the sacrament of reconciliation.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Consider that the Sacred Heart of Jesus Christ was no sooner formed within the womb of the Blessed Virgin, than it was inflamed with an immense love for all men, but, as it is the property of love, to desire to be continually with those, for whom this love is felt, a life of thirty-three years appeared to Him too short, to satisfy His excessive desire of being continually with us. It was necessary to work the greatest of miracles, to content the greatest of all desires. This Heart could not place limits to the excess of Its love. Be not afflicted, oh my Apostles, said our loving Jesus, if I am obliged to leave you to ascend to Heaven; my Heart desires with more ardour to be with you, than you desire to be with Me, and as long as there are men upon earth I shall be with them. Ecce ego vobiscum sum usque ad consummationem saeculli. All the motives that led the Son of God to clothe Himself with our flesh have ceased. The work of Redemption is fulfilled. Nothing but His excessive desire of being continually with us, obliges Him to work this constant miracle, and this compendium of all His wonders; His immense love making it, as it were, impossible to Him to be separated from us. Jesus has ascended to His Father: why does He every day return invisbly on earth, if not because He cannot separate Himself from men, and His delights are to be with us? Who would ever have thought that Jesus Christ could have loved us to this excess? From the greatest height of glory, He desires to come and dwell in our hearts, as if something were wanting to His felicity, when He is at a distance from us. A desire must be very violent, when it cannot be satisifed in Heaven, where all desires are fulfilled. Jesus Christ must love men passionately, since not restrained, by the great glory He has enjoyed since His Ascension, He every day places Himself, in a humble and obscure state on our Altars, to satisfy the excess of His love and of His tenderness; proving to us the truth of what He had said by His Prophet, that His delights are to be with us: Deliciae meae esse cum filiis hominum.
Devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus en.wikisource.org/wiki/Devotion_to_the_Sacred_Heart_of_Jesus#FIRST_POINT._.E2.80.94_The_ardent_desire_Jesus_Christ_feels_to_be_with_us.

You might try the
Confessions of St. Augustine newadvent.org/fathers/1101.htm as well! If God can forgive St. Augustine, who got a woman pregnant, had an illegitimate son, later broke up with the woman so that she vowed never to marry again. (P.S. St. Augustine is one of the 33 Doctors of the Church and he may have chaired the Synod of Hippo where the Canon of the Bible was determined) He can forgive you too. God loves us more than we love ourselves. God cannot be at his happiest without you!

A Rosary, Divine Mercy Chaplet, or Litany of Humility ewtn.com/Devotionals/prayers/humility.htm may help along with regular Confession! Here are some resources on understanding devotion to Jesus through Mary. Devotion to Mary is extraordinarily powerful because she enriches our merits with her own, and hers far exceed ours, and it is more humble to pray through an intermediary. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you! James 4:10

True Devotion to the Blessed Virgin fisheaters.com/totalconsecrationmontfort.html
**Secret of the Rosary ** montfort.org.uk/Writings/Rosary.html
Preparation for 33 day consecration to the Blessed Virgin saintlouisdemontfort.com/consecration.cfm
Reflections on True Devotion to Mary by His Holiness Pope John Paul II http://www.michaeljournal.org/montfort.htm
**The Glories of Mary, ** by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains Hail Holy Queen http://www.catholictradition.org/Mary/glories.htm
On the Dolors of Mary by St. Alphonsus de Liguori, one of the 33 Doctors of the Catholic Church, explains the sufferings of Our Lady http://writer.zoho.com/public/immaculate/Seven-dolors

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

 

[beckycmarie]

There is no sin you can commit that is greater than God’s mercy. To believe one is unforgiveable is to commit another sin - the sin of despair of God’s mercy.

If you find that you cannot forgive yourself, then pray that God will give you the grace to be able to do so. I recommend praying the
Chaplet of Divine Mercy with that intention in mind.

May God bless and heal you.

 

[Shin]

What God has forgiven, he has forgiven. Lift up your heart. Be at peace.

His love is great and strong, and His Sacrifice of infinite value.

Do works of penance for the sake of God, but beware the devil’s attempts to drive you to despair or doubt. Feelings that inhibit your spiritual improvement rather than aid you to do and live as God desires do not please Him. He desires your salvation and hope not your guilty despair.

Follow him in lowly love, returned to His house and forgiven because He has said it.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I once came across this quote, but I can’t remember from where. “There is not deep that His (God’s) love isn’t deeper still.”

 

[Trishie]

“If we say we have no sin in us, we are deceiving ourselves…but if we acknowledge our sins, then God who is faithful and just will forgive our sins and purify us from everything that is wrong.” [1John 1:8-10]
“Jesus Christ…is the sacrifice that takes our sins away, and not only ours, but the whole world.” [1John 2:1-2]

Our God, You sent Your Son “into the world, not to condemn the world, but so that through Him the world might be saved. No one who believes in Him will be condemned.” [John 3:17-18]

You assure us through Isaiah, our God,
“I have dispelled your faults like a cloud
your sins like a mist
Come back to me, for I have redeemed you.” [Isaiah 44:22]

Furthermore, You proclaim:
“Happy those whose crimes are forgiven, whose sins are blotted out; happy the man whom the Lord considers sinless.” [Psalm 31:1-2] For through Your Son, You have “cancelled every record of the debt that we had to pay; He has done away with it by nailing it to the cross.” [Colossians 2:14-15]

Therefore, our God it is not presumptuous to ask that we may be healed of our faults and freed from our sin. Indeed, You have said:
“No need to recall the past,
no need to think about what was before.
See I am doing a new deed,
even now, it comes to light; can you not see it?
Yes, I am making a road in the wilderness,
paths in the wild.” [Isaiah 43:18-19]

Although we must strive through the Spirit to walk the way of Your Son, You assure us that we are not alone or dependent upon our efforts alone:
“For I, … your God,
I am holding you by the right hand;
I tell you, do not be afraid, I will help you.
Do not be afraid…poor worm…
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer.” [Isaiah 41:13-14]

“The only thing that counts is not what human beings want to try to do, but the mercy of God.” [Romans 10:16] “It is by God’s grace that you have been saved, through faith. It is not your own doing, but God’s gift.” [Ephesians 2:8-9]

Free your mind, then of encumbrances; control them, and put your trust in nothing but the grace that will be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” [1Peter 1: 13]

“Cease to do evil. Learn to do good, search for justice, help the oppressed, be just to the orphan, and plead for the widow. [Then]**Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” **[Isaiah 1:17-18]