Forgiveness When It Is Really Tough

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Teelynn

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I was listening to Jessica Lunsford’s father (the little 9 yr old girl who was kidnapped raped tortured and buried alive) give a short interview on how or if he is able to forgive the man that did this to his daughter. He said that all he can do at this point is to ask God to forgive him as he does not see ever being able to forgive this man. I really cannot of course feel as he does because this has (thank you Lord!) never happened in my family. I can surely understand where he is coming from, and I would think that it would definitely take a lifetime to even begin to forgive him. I think that you would have to pray intensely on a daily and sometimes hourly basis for the grace to forgive. I mean, really, how do you forgive such monumental evil? I guess they say to start praying for the person that has cut your heart out? I would think this would be a very long process indeed. Thoughts?
 
Teelynn said:
I was listening to Jessica Lunsford’s father (the little 9 yr old girl who was kidnapped raped tortured and buried alive) give a short interview on how or if he is able to forgive the man that did this to his daughter. He said that all he can do at this point is to ask God to forgive him as he does not see ever being able to forgive this man. I really cannot of course feel as he does because this has (thank you Lord!) never happened in my family. I can surely understand where he is coming from, and I would think that it would definitely take a lifetime to even begin to forgive him. I think that you would have to pray intensely on a daily and sometimes hourly basis for the grace to forgive. I mean, really, how do you forgive such monumental evil? I guess they say to start praying for the person that has cut your heart out? I would think this would be a very long process indeed. Thoughts?
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I think it would be a very long process as you say. I think that the father recognizing that God calls us to forgive for our own good is a good place to start. If Cooey isn’t repentent, however, there is nothing that calls Jessica’s father to forgive him. Even God can’t forgive the unrepentent–it is a mutual transaction. That’s my understanding anyway.
 
I don’t know of Jessica Lunsford, but a few weeks ago they had a show on tv about Australias worst crimes and there were 5 men that repeatedly beat, raped and eventually killed in a horrific manner, a woman called Anita Cobby. It happened in 1986 and it’s the most shocking and violent thing I have ever read about. (silly me, I looked it up on the net later)
The main man had no remorse and what they did to her was absolutely barbaric. Now I have wondered the same thing. If it were your daughter, how could you forgive such a thing? How could you wish anything but the same fate he imposed on her?
But I think in this case, just praying for their souls is all you could do.
Evil like this is beyond my comprehension. I really wonder what makes people capable of these things.
But if they repented, God would forgive them. I wonder if they would ever be able to forgive themselves once they realised what they’ve done. A bit like a woman who’s had an abortion.
Sorry if this was a bit off the topic.
 
Built into we humans are emotions. There has to be an outlet or venting before we can sometimes forgive (depending on the egregious nature of the offense).

For some of us it takes time. In the case of the Lunsford’s the murderer of their daughter is unremorseful. Now, that in itself is a hindrance to forgiving. We have to see (most of us) some contrition by our transgressor, it helps in taking the first step in forgiving.

There are degrees of offense. Murder/kidnapping/rape of a child is the ultimate. It may take awhile but, down deep, where only God can see, there may be forgiveness lurking…it may take years to be manifest.

In my own life’s experience, the receiving of Jesus in the Eucharist overcomes the obstacles to forgiving and peace reigns within. I am now able to forgive…and I even feel sympathy to those that transgressed. It’s all in the Holy Eucharist…He comes to us to heal the heart.
 
Well, I’m going to be honest.

I don’t think that I am no where spiritually capable of forgiving someone who done something like this to my child. I mean, no sense in me acting like I could. If and a big IF, I ever did, it would take a lifetime.

I figure the best that I could do, is just like her father mentioned, ask God to forgive me for not forgiving. I mean, it would be something that I would have to confess on a weekly basis. Seriously.

I would only hope that God’s grace would get me to heaven. I would spend some time in purgatory, no doubt.

Again, I’m just being honest.
 
DJgang said:
Well, I’m going to be honest.

I don’t think that I am no where spiritually capable of forgiving someone who done something like this to my child. I mean, no sense in me acting like I could. If and a big IF, I ever did, it would take a lifetime.

I figure the best that I could do, is just like her father mentioned, ask God to forgive me for not forgiving. I mean, it would be something that I would have to confess on a weekly basis. Seriously.

I would only hope that God’s grace would get me to heaven. I would spend some time in purgatory, no doubt.

Again, I’m just being honest.
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Do not discount the power of Christ in the Eucharist. When you receive Him this way you are walking with Him and you will grow in His ways.
 
johnstown_johnn said:
Do not discount the power of Christ in the Eucharist. When you receive Him this way you are walking with Him and you will grow in His ways.
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Yep, and that’s exactly why I say that I would not be spiritually capable…once I’m able to receive the Eucharist in the Church… 👍
 
Thank you all for your replies and insight. I think if it were me, I would have to be in the confessional weekly in order to receive Our Lord in the Eucharist. Actually, I would most likely seek out intense spiritual and psychological counseling. Probably just to survive any of the unbelievably intense emotions that would go along with this kind of incomprehensible evil.

I remember hearing on our local Catholic radio station that a terrible trauma such as this usually is in and of itself a curse because of the all too human emotional repercussions that it produces. I would need tons of help from my Church and a miracle from the Lord. (which would be quite possible, and hopefully probable)
 
I think I would have to beg God to forgive this guy Houey for me, because I couldn’t do it myself. I would also have to beg Our Lord for His Divine Mercy on me and on Houey. The anger, I’m sure, would still be there; maybe even hate on my part. But God’s Mercy is greater than all else.
 
There is no forgiveness harder to do than to give forgiveness to a person who is not the least bit sorry for what they have done. In my own life experiences, I have needed to do this a few times to certain evil women who sought to, or did, great harm to me although I was completely innocent. To know that they weren’t sorry at all for the terrible harm they had done made it impossible for me to forgive them on my own. Only by the grace of God, who revealed to me the true meaning of the words, “as (I) forgive those who tresspass against (me)”, have I forgiven these women and have come to pray for them. If I had never come to this by God’s mercy, I would have been completely destroyed.

In the case of John Couey, we can offer prayers for his repentance and pray that the family of Jessica Lunsford will come to forgive him and let go of any hatred (while also having justice served), for to not do so will end up destroying them.
 
Tough to forgive someone who has no remorse. In such a case, forgiveness is a benefit to the AFFLICTED/VICTIM.

It has to come to us by grace…there is no way in our human frailties we can rise above such offenses without grace.

Maybe a prayer petition should be asked to “grant me a forgiving heart such as yours, Lord…” Grace will begin to flow and you will find great peace in forgiveness.

Prayer to forgive often results in a peaceful interior. It is the absence of revenge. This pleases God.
 
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