Forgiveness

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eelpis

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In the gospel Jesus tells a story about a servant who got his debt forgiven by by the king , but the servant who was forgiven his huge debt didn’t forgive his brother, who owed him a small amount.

It leaves me sad because I know God has forgiven me so much, and I sometimes cannot find in my heart to forgive and bear some petty insults recieved from others.

What can I do to forgive?
 
eelpis said:
In the gospel Jesus tells a story about a servant who got his debt forgiven by by the king , but the servant who was forgiven his huge debt didn’t forgive his brother, who owed him a small amount.

It leaves me sad because I know God has forgiven me so much, and I sometimes cannot find in heart to forgive and bear some petty insults recieved from others.

What can I do to forgive?
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Pray and think of Jesus.
 
Think that Our Lord would have encarnated Himself, live and die, shedding every drop of blood after being whipped more than 5000 times and being crucified at the howls of the people He came to save and that He would have done the very same thing if you were the only person that ever sinned.

Think of that and ask Our Lady to help contain your pride.
 
Pro_Domina said:
Think that Our Lord would have encarnated Himself, live and die, shedding every drop of blood after being whipped more than 5000 times and being crucified at the howls of the people He came to save and that He would have done the very same thing if you were the only person that ever sinned.

Think of that and ask Our Lady to help contain your pride.
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Thanks, I think she has a tough job.
 
You know, forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It’s an act of the will. If you will to forgive, then you have forgiven, haven’t you? You may still have feelings of resentment, you may have to remind yourself that you have forgiven this person or that person, but a feeling is just that a feeling. Perhaps far more important than a feeling is your actions toward the person who has offended you. You indicate your forgiveness by your manner and behavior toward that person. Perhaps the “feeling” of having forgiven them will follow. Ask yourself how you would want to be treated if you were the offender.

Of course, you have to use prudence as well. If someone stole from me, I’d forgive them, but I wouldn’t necessarily ask them to watch over my valueables when I was out of town. Likewise, it is possible that though you forgive, a relationship may be so damaged that it cannot continue as it is. It may continue in another way, even if it only continues insofar as you pray for that person and treat them with compassion and respect when you DO meet them. It doesn’t mean you have to seek them out.
 
This depends a lot on what it is you’re trying to forgive. If the offense is grave or if it is an on-going problem that you haven’t brought to the attention of the offender, sometimes it is going to take awhile to manage this.

As JKirkLVNV points out above, forgiveness isn’t a feeling (although it does involve letting go of feelings of hostility, resentment and bitterness). Forgiveness is also not the same as forgetting the offense, minimizing the offense, excusing the offense–even the Pope who forgave his would-be assassin did not try to have the man freed from jail–or achieving reconciliation.

You might try to find the book How to Forgive: A Step-By-Step Guide by John Monbourquette. It is written by a priest who is also a psychologist, and treats many of the common myths about forgiveness.

Of course, there is also the famous line by the man asked how he stayed married for sixty years: “I get up every morning, look in the mirror, and tell myself, ‘Well, you’re no prize, either.’” Sometimes, the best remedy for a habit of taking offense is to not take yourself so seriously!
 
We can’t control the way we feel, but we can control the way we act…treat them as you know Christ would have you do…and give yourself some time…try not to harbor thoughts of revenge
 
I beg to disagree a little bit that forgiveness is only in the will and in the way we act.

Did Our Lord not tell us to forgive “from [our] heart” ? [Gospel according to St. Matthew 18:35]

Certainly your desire to be able to forgive is the start, and the best thing you can do is just to pray for the grace, beg Our Lord to give you the grace to forgive with all your heart. Our Lord won’t refuse prayers like that.

I’ve always believed that when we pray in the Our Father: “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” we are in fact asking Our Father for the grace to be able to forgive others. I think like that whenever I pray that part of the Our Father. In fact, Our Lord teaches that Our Father WILL forgive us as we forgive others, so this line in the Our Father in my mind means “please, Father, give me the grace to forgive, and then forgive me my own sins.”

When we “will” to forgive, then it manifests itself in our hearts as well. That’s different than wanting to be able to forgive. Wanting to be able to avoid a certain sin is not the same as willing to avoid it (i.e. actually avoiding it).
 
Perhaps one thing that might help would be to try separating the hurt you feel due to the insults from the person who did it to you. You may not be able to stop feeling hurt, but if you can separate the hurt and accept it as a cross without regard to the perpetrator, you could begin to make that separation in your mind and open your heart to forgiveness. If you think about it, then, the person who did this is really the lesser for it and needs to be pitied. Another beautiful way to look at it would be to actually be grateful to that person for giving you a beautiful sacrifice you could offer up to Our Lord and thus bringing you closer to Him in His Passion. In fact, Our Father really sent you those insults through that person for your good, so you should be grateful to the person for bringing something from God to you.

Obviously easier said than done. Perhaps meditate on these kinds of thoughts until you can internalize them into your heart.
 
In order to forgive others, you need to learn from the experience rather than dwell on it. If it’s something small like name-calling, then don’t mind it.

Just remember that forgetting isn’t forgiving-- well, at least, in my opinion-- But when you do gradually forget, that just means you’ve gotten over it, and the lesson learned becomes a treasure.

Ironically Yours, Blade and Blood
 
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