T
Tietjen
Guest
When a person forgives another person of a wrong done to them, what is expected? Allow me to give an example of what I am asking. Say that Alex and Ricky are brothers. Both are teenagers living in the same house. Ricky enters Alex’s room when Alex is out of the house and he steals $100. He then goes to the store and spends the money. Now say that Alex discovers his brother’s sin and confronts him with it. Ricky then confesses to the sin and apologizes for his actions. Alex says that he forgives his brother. Is that then the end of it?
Here is a more personal example that I now find myself in. I am a parent and a teenage child embarrasses me and the rest of the family in a restaurant. He throws a tantrum and begins yelling. When told to stop it he begins to use profanity, stands up and tries to leave the restaurant. I, as the parent, I take hold of his hand and proceed to walk with him to the cashier to pay for the meal. The whole way he is yelling and attempting to get away. After the meal is paid for, I take him to the car and ensure that he remains inside by placing myself outside the car door, thus allowing the rest of the family to finish their meal in peace and ensuring the teenager does not flee. Later that day I attempt to talk with him calmly and in private about the situation and I am met with more profanity and yelling. I impose a punishment (his friend from out of town who had been planning to visit this Easter break will not be coming). That evening I get a handwritten note from the teen telling me that I am being unfair and reminding me that this is Lent and “All good Catholics are supposed to be forgiving past actions against them.” I am told that I am not being a good Catholic because I will not forgive him and let his friend come. He insinuates that I am being a hypocrite because at every Mass I say the Our Father prayer ("…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us…"). I responded to his note with a note in order to avoid another verbal outburst or tantrum and attempt to explain that I did forgive him however; it was my obligation as a parent to discipline his inappropriate behavior. It needs to be said also, that he has never apologized nor admitted that what he did was wrong. Yet even if he did apologize, I feel a punishment is warranted to help ensure that a reoccurrence will not happen. He has suggested that another punishment be found and that I allow his friend to come and visit. If I yield my position, what is to stop him from using this situation to get out of another similar situation where discipline might be called for? In addition, my wife has now come to his defense and has said that I am wrong so I am alone on this issue and have to defend myself on all fronts. Please what are your thoughts?
Here is a more personal example that I now find myself in. I am a parent and a teenage child embarrasses me and the rest of the family in a restaurant. He throws a tantrum and begins yelling. When told to stop it he begins to use profanity, stands up and tries to leave the restaurant. I, as the parent, I take hold of his hand and proceed to walk with him to the cashier to pay for the meal. The whole way he is yelling and attempting to get away. After the meal is paid for, I take him to the car and ensure that he remains inside by placing myself outside the car door, thus allowing the rest of the family to finish their meal in peace and ensuring the teenager does not flee. Later that day I attempt to talk with him calmly and in private about the situation and I am met with more profanity and yelling. I impose a punishment (his friend from out of town who had been planning to visit this Easter break will not be coming). That evening I get a handwritten note from the teen telling me that I am being unfair and reminding me that this is Lent and “All good Catholics are supposed to be forgiving past actions against them.” I am told that I am not being a good Catholic because I will not forgive him and let his friend come. He insinuates that I am being a hypocrite because at every Mass I say the Our Father prayer ("…forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us…"). I responded to his note with a note in order to avoid another verbal outburst or tantrum and attempt to explain that I did forgive him however; it was my obligation as a parent to discipline his inappropriate behavior. It needs to be said also, that he has never apologized nor admitted that what he did was wrong. Yet even if he did apologize, I feel a punishment is warranted to help ensure that a reoccurrence will not happen. He has suggested that another punishment be found and that I allow his friend to come and visit. If I yield my position, what is to stop him from using this situation to get out of another similar situation where discipline might be called for? In addition, my wife has now come to his defense and has said that I am wrong so I am alone on this issue and have to defend myself on all fronts. Please what are your thoughts?
