Forgiving Yourself

[CRATUS]

I still have no forgiven myself/let go of a particular situation. I feel so bad for lying and betraying the trust of this person. I hate how it takes me so long to let go of things. I hate having a conscience. I want to grow closer to Christ - the more you know, the more you are accountable for. I keep hoping I could one day in person reconcile with this person. This person has made it clear he no longer wants to talk with me. It hurts because well I deserve it. I do not blame him. I keep praying I will find closure. Why is it taking so long? I feel bad for praying because often I cause my own problems. I think of people who pray for illnesses, unemployment,grief, etc. Why would God grant me an opportunity to reconcile with this person while other people pray about real problems? Besides this type of prayer interferes with another person’s free-will. Perhaps I would be happier if I lived life without any expectations.

 

[pensmama87]

CRATUS, do you have access to a counselor who could help you untangle these questions? It may very well be that there’s something in the way here that isn’t only spiritual. You’ve described behaviors and other things in your past that could definitely be putting up some psychological barriers or make it harder to cope in a healthy way.

Praying for you.

 

[CRATUS]

CRATUS, do you have access to a counselor who could help you untangle these questions? It may very well be that there’s something in the way here that isn’t only spiritual. You’ve described behaviors and other things in your past that could definitely be putting up some psychological barriers or make it harder to cope in a healthy way.

Praying for you.

Oh Lord. I keep being referred to counselling. I guess I will try that phone counselling stuff. Oh well.

 

[deafjazzy]

Forgive yourself is hardest thing I believe. It is only way to heal your wound, I believe.

 

[CRATUS]

Forgive yourself is hardest thing I believe. It is only way to heal your wound, I believe.

Darn it. Oh well. I wish I always thought I was right. What good is having a convictions and a conscience? You can live happily thinking everything is someone else’s fault.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Self forgiveness has been one of my greatest struggles ,
Like me , you can , just need to self analyse what caused you to do wrong

 

[CRATUS]

Self forgiveness has been one of my greatest struggles ,
Like me , you can , just need to self analyse what caused you to do wrong

Where is the good in having a conscience and honest convictions? I care too much. I could always think I am right. I just wish I did not care that much about certain things. Always living in the past and beating myself up. Life does not stop for anyone.

 

[pianistclare]

If you care so much why won’t you seek help with a counselor?
Seems the best way to care about your own mental health.

 

[CRATUS]

If you care so much why won’t you seek help with a counselor?
Seems the best way to care about your own mental health.

There are hotlines. I am too poor to afford a shrink. I have contacted my diocese for counselling. I do not have a car. I feel like I am wasting time. There are people with real issues like depression, schizophrenia, poverty,etc. I guess that is why I like forums. I like being anonymous.

 

[GEddie]

We are all guilty. It stands to reason.

The Church understanding of human life is that everything is broken; our bodies, therefore we die, our minds, therefore error, our relationships, therefore conflict.

So to what extent are we to expect that our behavior should be faultless?

It’s OK, because only by admitting that we are guilty can forgiveness come. And BTW, closure is often impossible in human life.

ICXC NIKA

 

[pensmama87]

There are hotlines. I am too poor to afford a shrink. I have contacted my diocese for counselling. I do not have a car. I feel like I am wasting time. There are people with real issues like depression, schizophrenia, poverty,etc. I guess that is why I like forums. I like being anonymous.

One thing my therapist often thanked me for is that I sought her out before my problems got out of hand. Lots of people wait until “rock bottom,” when the problems are bigger and more ingrained and harder to overcome.

It’s not productive to endlessly spin your wheels.

You can also ask your pastor for a referral, ask at school if you’re a student. If you’re employed or a member of a union you may have access to free counseling. You can even Google and call and ask for options for low income clients. Do you have health insurance? You might have mental health coverage.

I’ve watched your threads for a while and you don’t seem to have made much progress. You should not be stuck in the same place for ages. It’s agonizing and not helpful. I’ve been in a similar situation. I’m not trying to talk down to you. But CAF feels like a crutch that you’re relying on when it would be better to learn and get strong so you can walk independently.

While you’re researching therapists who can work with you, I also recommend picking up a book or two by Brene Brown at your library. She writes about vulnerability. OrGoogle her TED talks on the subject. They’re brilliant.

 

[pensmama87]

Also, in case you or anyone reading is not clear, a “shrink” typically refers to a psychiatrist, who is a medical doctor. But there are other counselors who are not and use only talk-based therapies. Typically they are licensed (I’d recommend that). But their degrees and academic and professional specialties may vary.

Just putting that out there. They don’t all do the same things.

 

[pianistclare]

There are hotlines. I am too poor to afford a shrink. I have contacted my diocese for counselling. I do not have a car. I feel like I am wasting time. There are people with real issues like depression, schizophrenia, poverty,etc. I guess that is why I like forums. I like being anonymous.

All excuses.
Forums are a crutch for people who need help. Most of these threads read like lectures.
Get some help.
**Listen to pensmama. **

Each Diocese offers family counseling at a cost that one can afford to pay. Which can also be “zero”/.
Your pastor may know a parishioner who will also see you at no cost.
Just throwing up your hands is not an answer.

You’re self diagnosing. Not a great idea dear.
Go to a professional. And listen.

Be assured of our prayers.

 

[jaimeleglise]

Catholic Charities may be able to offer counseling at a reduced price.

We will all pray for you. Live in the present and don’t let this get in the way of your relationship with God.

 

[Dorothy]

Cratus,

When you are tempted to look back and question, change your focus by an act of the will to the Hearts of Jesus and Mary.

 

[Katherine438]

I still have no forgiven myself/let go of a particular situation. I feel so bad for lying and betraying the trust of this person. I hate how it takes me so long to let go of things. I hate having a conscience. I want to grow closer to Christ - the more you know, the more you are accountable for. I keep hoping I could one day in person reconcile with this person. This person has made it clear he no longer wants to talk with me. It hurts because well I deserve it. I do not blame him. I keep praying I will find closure. Why is it taking so long? I feel bad for praying because often I cause my own problems. I think of people who pray for illnesses, unemployment,grief, etc. Why would God grant me an opportunity to reconcile with this person while other people pray about real problems? Besides this type of prayer interferes with another person’s free-will. Perhaps I would be happier if I lived life without any expectations.

No matter what you did, God in his infinite wisdom sometimes takes people out of our lives for the betterment of both people … I would leave that part of this issue to God … and not let it worry you. On the issue of feeling guilty over something you did … we all sin … Jesus came for the sinners … one needs to go to confession and confess their sins and feel a true sorrow for them … but once that is done, Jesus’ mercy abounds … and we should humbly accept that and move on. I pray that you find a way to get past this situation.

 

[CRATUS]

No matter what you did, God in his infinite wisdom sometimes takes people out of our lives for the betterment of both people … I would leave that part of this issue to God … and not let it worry you. On the issue of feeling guilty over something you did … we all sin … Jesus came for the sinners … one needs to go to confession and confess their sins and feel a true sorrow for them … but once that is done, Jesus’ mercy abounds … and we should humbly accept that and move on. I pray that you find a way to get past this situation.

I think you are right. I do not think I was making him a better person. I will miss him and I did love him and to an extent I still do. I wish him well. He asked me something he wanted to know what purpose I had in his life. He is not a Christian. He wanted to know spiritually why we crossed paths. I do not know. It is crazy how someone can be a stranger then you become super close them they become a stranger again. I hope we cross paths again. I guess his purpose in my life was served. God bless him.