Forgotten by friend

[misericordie]

I would like some thoughts on a particular situation I was and have been going through.
A couple of years ago I met a great young woman (very devout catholic) who later became a great friend. We used to talk for hours on the phone, etc., and the conversations were always about God, the Church, and the world (we both enjoyed those conversations very much). I began to develope “feelings” for her which were pure in nature, and of sincere admiration, which later turned into sincere love. However, It took me a long time to actually tell her, and when i did, she seemed to become distant and we no longer spoke as frequent. I was informed that she discussed this (in order to get some kind of advice) with certain friends of hers. After this, she even became more and more distant. Anyway, all of this really breaks my heart because I really like this female friend, and I have made it clear to her in the past that I respect her own feelings of seing me as a friend only, but she continues to be so distant. She never calls me: last time we spoke was back in April, regarding on the surface things. I do believe she has been (and probably still is one way or the other, even if occasionally) given ill-advice regarding me and this whole situation; nonetheless from certain people.
Can you please give your own thoughts on this matter? Should I totally forget her? Even the whole “friendship”? Thank you all so much.:tiphat:

 

[puppylove]

Pray, pray, and then pray some more. God has a plan for you and it will be revealed in his own way and time.

Puppy

 

[Maggie]

And no, don’t give up on the friendship. It’s not unsual to develop feelings for those people we can share our faith with when both are single and available. I made the same mistake myself with a male friend of mine but we got past it by me being willing to limit all of our conversations to God and religion for a while until he became comfortable with the fact that I really wasn’t pushing for more than friendship from him, since he’d made it clear that a further relationship wasn’t what he wanted, but valued our friendship because it gave me someone with whom I could share my faith.

And follow Puppylove’s advice. Get on your knees. Give your vocation, your life, your will over to God. Only He can see what is best, and if we leave it with Him, He can help us accept it for what it is.

 

[pittsburghjeff]

I dont think you need to give up on the friendship yet. Give up on the romantic part, yes. You can never be her true friend unless you give up the romantic part as hard as that is.

Then you need to convince her you’ve given up on the romantic part. Let her know you are interested in other women. Make sure she understands that she had her chance and now you are only interested in being her friend.

She is afraid of leading you on.

 

[JCPhoenix]

I think I understand where you’re coming from.

I am female, I have a female friend and when we speak, although it’s rare, we are almost like sisters…our conversations seem to gravitate towards the Church and God…and we seem to be “kindred spirits.”

A long time ago, she started telling me she loved me before she hung up the phone. Usually, this had been reserved for immediate family members…but in context, her “love” was the love of Christ. And I love her as well. Nothing romantic about it.

I take it from your post you had romantic feelings? From a psycholigical perspective, if you put her in a position (in your own mind) as an advisor or on some kind of pedestal, depending on the words you used…etc…she may have taken them as “transference”…that is. transferring the very appropriate feelings you may have for a partner or parent, onto an individual with percieved authority. Now, I realize this is presumptous, but I’m trying to figure out what she may have reacted to.

Some people actually have difficulty in being close to people, and if they let their walls down they later regret it…but not because of you, but because of their own terms.

So in the words of Padre Pio…“Pray…hope…don’t worry…”

 

[PeacefulWaters]

Sometimes God brings plp in our lives for just a time and for a specific purpose. Definately let go of the romantic part of this friendship as she is not interested.

As far as the friendship aspect…you may have scared her off due to your romantic feelings for her. Give her some time and see what happens. If the friendship doesn’t resume, be thankful for the time you had together and move on. God will bring others in your life.

 

[Flounder]

You clearly value her mind and intelligence, yet you are willing to blame her friends for driving her away. Don’t fall into the trap. She understands and is not yet comfortable being your friend again. Follow the excellent advice above.